Fiance's Mother is a JW

Theseus

Hello,

I am not a Jehovah's Witness and my fiance is a former JW. I was also raised as a [Insert Generic Ideological Confine Here], however, I managed to break away and started thinking freely, emancipated my emotions etc... Suffice it to say, I understand the hardships of rebelling against an oppressive ideology against serious emotional and physical odds. My fiance's struggle was just as difficult. She was one step away from disfellowship-ment and pretty much remains that way, though I think its because they just don't know that she has walked away from it.

Right now, she lives with her parents who are practicing JW. Avid JW's(Is there any other kind?). I recently visited them and had a chat with them about how much I cared for their daughter and how special she was to me. She truly is a rare person. They were happy to meet me but obviously expressed their concerns about her visiting me (I live a few states away) considering we sleep together. She went on to describe her inner turmoil about our relationship. Her dilemma being that I am such a wonderful person that is great for her daughter but she can't, in good conscience, condone our relationship considering the premarital sex aspect of things.

I'm a charmer and can engage religious zealots with a good amount of patience and respect, so I managed to assuage her worries and make progress. My parents have come a long way and are much more liberal than they used to be, knowing it was actually caring about and having a family that counts, rather than just clinging blindly to ideology.

I don't really think I need any help with the situation, just looking for perspectives.

blondie

What do you mean by former jw? Disfellowshipped or disassociated (and shunned by jw family and jw friends) Baptized or never baptized but raised in a jw home and attending meetings? Inactive, no longer attending or preaching (turning in a time slip to an elder).

How do her parents feel about her "former" status? Do they want her to come back....perhaps having you become a jw too?

leavingwt

Please read this book to get a better understanding of how JWs think.

Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steve Hassan

http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0892813113/ref=dp_olp_used?ie=UTF8&condition=used

Theseus

I think she is disassociated. She's not really shunned by everyone because she doesn't really have a network of friends within JW. She doesn't attend Kingdom Hall meetings. Her mother claims she has "accepted" that my fiance will never want to be a part of JW. I feigned interest in their beliefs, but only to open up dialogue between us. They were happy to talk to me about the Bible and all that pamphlets and booklets that they have for JW. I don't think they expect that I could ever be convinced of becoming a JW, although I'm sure they hold some hope of it no matter how little they express that.

I'm just not sure what I expect out of this situation. In our conversation, I asked them if they would be willing to come meet my parents, obviously this would have to take place if we are to move things forward, and her mother seemed conflicted about it, though she ultimately agreed.

steve2

Looks like you've made up your mind and are not seeking advice but are interested in perspectives - now there's a wishy-washy word!

You say that you're a charmer. Charmers always know that they are - so in that regard, I take your word. You sound nicely confident, pssibly a little over-confident - but this is early days yet, my friend!

The questions I have aren't so much about you, but your fiance: Is she on the same page as you regarding the religion? Is she as able as you to "charm" her way in her dealings with her JW mother, your prospective mother-in-law?

In-law relationships can be difficult at the best of times, so can you forsee a time when your fiance's mother could charm her to return to the religion? You wouldn't be the first spouse to find his erstwhile charm sadly impotent against the might of a determined, strong-willed JW mother-in-law. Bring children into the picture, and the situation can become even less charm-able.

troubledfiancee

PM Sent

garyneal

Marked for later comment, hope you are still monitoring this thread in another hour. I married a witness who went running back in the religion.

yknot

Well.... I would really like to see your fiance posting here....

I cant tell you how many express their desire to leave because of social issues within the congregation but still remain a JW in the sense of believing the WTS is the sole channel of God.

It would be really nice if she confirmed that she knows without a question or shadow of doubt that the WTS was never approved by God....

If not then she is still very much a JW in her mind and heart.....

garyneal

It would be really nice if she confirmed that she knows without a question or shadow of doubt that the WTS was never approved by God....

If not then she is still very much a JW in her mind and heart.....

Yes, yes, my sentiments exactly. One of our long time posters, Black Sheep, says it best when he says that people who still believe the witnesses teach truth are damaged goods. It does not matter that she is not associating with witnesses, what counts is that she does not believe that the Watchtower Society teaches truth.

My wife was like this, she got upset with the witnesses back when she and I started dating for the way they treated her and her family. Threatening to take away privileges from her father and threatening to force her mother to stop pioneering. All because she choose to have a relationship with me, an outsider. Never mind the fact that she was simply an unbaptized publisher at her cong at the time. Never mind the fact that I too was a believer in the Bible and God.

Never-the-less, she still believed the witnesses were the one true religion and later began to believe that what those brothers did was 'loving.' Gag me with a spoon, I tell you. She celebrated birthdays and Christmas with me but always feared that 'God was going to kill her for it.' Basically, in her mind, she had two choices, a belief that God works through and 'imperfect organization' or a belief in no god what-so-ever. There was no middle ground for her, no believing that she can be a Christian in another church or in no church what-so-ever. That does not compute to a born in, indoctrinated since birth, Jehovah's Witness like my wife.

You must find out for certain whether or not she still believes this organization has truth. If she does, even in the slightest, she is damaged goods and best left alone to find her own way. Trust me, you do not want to be married to a zealous witness. There is always that threat that she will be one as long as she believes in it in any way.

moshe

Let me get this straight- Her JW parents know their daughter has been having prematital sex and yet, they failed to inform the elders of her immoral conduct? They could get disfellowshiped right along with their daughter for hiding her sin from the elders. Sounds like a good plan to me- if only someone could let the elders know what had happened. I am suggesting to you that the odds are better than 50/50 that marriage to this woman will end up causing you major grief- besides, who wants inlaws who are socially alloof?

Fiance's Mother is a JW

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