How Many of Them Do You Know About?

by clarity 63 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    clarity

    Why is this happening so often in this organization? Really I've never seen anything like it!

    Is it because it's such a closed isolating group, where members feel they have a right to know everyone elses business.

    Do boundries become breeched because of this?? Advantage is taken because of missplaced trust in authority figures? Perhaps missplaced trust that god is watching everything and he will take care of it? It just so easy to gain acess to the vulnerable, isn't it.

    Abuse happens most often in authoritarian families. The WTS is one huge authoritarian family. Strict gender roles is another factor. We know that when bond closely with their children and have an active hand in their care they are less likely to abuse them. The WTS sets up the men to be too busy to care for the children. That is women's work. Men are supposed to be busy preaching and "reaching out" for positions.

    The sexual repression encouraged by the WTS is another contributing factor. When "normal" outlets for emotional and sexual expression are limited then there is a good chance that some people will think they can take liberites.

    And most important of all is that these abusers don't get reported. They know that nothing will be done. If they can silence the child they will. It is poretty easy to silnece a child when it is pretty clear to the child that they don't count as much as adult. Thw WTS does almost nothing for the kids. That can't make them feel very valuable. Add to that that any JW isn't very valuable. They are expendable. If a child thinks that if they talk no one will believe them then there is a good chance they won't say anything. And there is the fear that if they do talk the abuse wiull only get worse. If the abuser has some position in the congregation it is more likely the child will not be believed.

    The issue of boundaries is interesting. There are two sets among JWs. The first set is between JWs and the rest of the world.

    They restrict communication between the JWs world and the rest of the world. This is why people go to the elders with their problems rather than to the police, or social services and professional counselors. Abusive families woirk the same way. Communicatoion between family members and those outside the family are restricted. This serves to keep the problems quiet.

    The issue of boundaries being porous where everyone knows everyone else's business doesn't apply to abuse issues. That one is kept very quiet. Too quiet. That is one that needs to be exposed.

    But those who have any degree of power or authority over a child will be more likely to breach boundaries and abuse a child (or a wife). Authority does that to some people. And the WTS has set up the perfect organization that would allow some people to take advantage of the lesser power of women and children.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    sizemik

    In three seperate cases I know of . . . sisters who became mothers hit the wall at exactly this time . . . when their children reached the same age . . . are they perhaps the "Key" that unlocks all the pain again, and bring a torrent of memories flooding back?

    I would be interested if any research has been done on this phenomenon . . . subject for investigation perhaps.

    Studies have shown that thare is an intergenerational cycle of abuse. Abused kids grow up and find other abused kids to marry and create their own dysfunctional families.

    Other studies have shown that when some people who have been abused (and have not dealt with it) will have memories surface at key points; the birth of a child, that child reaching the same age as when the mother's abuse started, the death or divorce.

  • sizemik
    sizemik

    Thanks for your input there Lady Lee . . . my 'knowledge journey' on this particular subject is still in it's infancy and largely relies on my own experience . . . so more investigation is something I personally will embark on as opportuniy/time permits.

    In one of the instances I mentioned, a special pioneer couple became good friends of ours. They were great people. We were both beginning to raise young families at the same time. The sister and my wife shared much on motherhood and enjoyed a great friendship. She was a very pretty girl and had a kind, generous, and somewhat timid nature.

    We moved congregations by a big distance and lost touch over the years. Later we learned from a mutual friend that she had developed serious problems over the abuse she had suffered as her eldest girl hit the same age. She had revealed the abuse to her Father, a long time Elder and also a good frind of mine.

    Her father, who was genuinely unaware that this had happened, responded valiantly, and did all he could to nail the perpetrator (who was still around). To cut a long story short . . . her marriage fell apart and she and her parents left the JW's very painfully.

    What comes home to me (and my reason for mentioning this) . . . is that a single instance of this kind of abuse creates a hugely disproportionate amount of "fallout" for so many people . . . far beyond any retribution that could ever be meted out to the perpetrator. Justice it seems, can never be found.

  • clarity
    clarity

    Lady Lee wow, I'm so glad I asked the qestion...'cause you've sure nailed it!

    These points will be marked for future reference, your insight is amazing, thank you for this!

    When I started to 'wake-up' about 18 months ago, I read about the child abuse on Silent Lambs. Although it was a shocking revelation, it was one dimensional. I saw it as a case here and a case there but didn't see this underlying contamination .... a perfect breeding ground (no pun intended) for further unhealthy conditions and the resulting sexual abuses. Spreading from family to family.

    It's late and I'm starting to ramble ... so goodnight, sleep tight to all on the'day shift'.

    clarity

  • aSphereisnotaCircle
    aSphereisnotaCircle

    @

    aSphereisnotaCircle
    . . . Then my oldest daughter approached the age I was when the abuse started.

    This observation simply jumped out at me.

    In three seperate cases I know of . . . sisters who became mothers hit the wall at exactly this time . . . when their children reached the same age . . . are they perhaps the "Key" that unlocks all the pain again, and bring a torrent of memories flooding back?

    I would be interested if any research has been done on this phenomenon . . . subject for investigation perhaps.

    Speaking from my own experience, I wanted to believe that the elders and the society did nothing wrong and somehow it was all my fault or what happened to me was simp0ly a hiccup in an otherwise "perfect" system.

    The societys constant denigration of the rank and file is a great way to keep their self esteem nice and low so that they will accept the idea that "its all my fault"

    For years I tried to make up excuses for those elders, I wanted a plausable excuse more then anything!

    But when my daughter appraoched that age, my excuses just fell apart, she was a kid, inexperienced, gullible, innocent. I imagined what happened to me happening to her, and then I imagined the elders treating her as they treated me................... I saw blood, pure rage, there is no excuse, none whatsoever.

    My sisters still make excuses for the elders, they are believers, so they need to keep believing. Whenever they start defending the elders, I ask them to give me a reason why the elders turned their backs on me. I ask them to invent an excuse, anything at all, make it up and I will accept it. They just give me the deer in the headlights look. On some leval they know there is no excuse, but like I said, they need to keep believing.

  • clarity
    clarity

    Igot2bme, thanks for coming on ...so many abuses not reported. This org has a lot to answer for.

    ASphereisnotaCircle, I really don't know how you got through that terrible time... feel so bad for you . You are very strong.

    Murray good thing you asked your question, a lot can relate to that I'll bet!

    Well so far the record is looking pretty lousy for the watchtower society!

    Our hearts go out to each and every one of you...on here & the lurkers and all those scared kids who can't figure out why the elders or daddy/mommy or god doesn't help them.

    clarity

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    or god doesn't help them

    I'm not at all surprised that many abuse survivors give up any belief in God or that He will help them. Sandra Knauer, a social worker who was running a therapy group for adolescent girls who had been sexually abused tried to initiate a discussion on the issue of God. With my permission she used an article I wrote about the reduction in the power of God to help them. She didn't get very far. In her book "Recovering from Sexual Abuse, Addictions and Compulsive Behaviors she said:

    As the group members began to read the article ... many became enraged and threw down their handouts. Most of them never bothered to finish the article. They automatically assumed that the article was in defense of the idea that there was indeed a God in the conventional sense of most organized religions. Several of the group's members left the group meeting in disgust. ... p. 1

    These young [12-18 yrs old] could not integrate the ides that God, as most organized religions portray Him, could really exist if He had let young children be used as sexual objects. p. 1

    She goes on to discuss how the kids had all lost any belief in a God who would allow the abuse, or even condone it because He did not stop the abuse from happening. She continues:

    ... traumatized people lose their trust in themselves, in other people, and in God. [Dr.] Herman states that when in situations of terror, people cry out for their mothers and for God. When this cry is not answered, the sense of basic trust is shattered. [The author] continues that incest survivors interviewed about their belief in a God who could protect them confirms this type of loss. p .3

    She continues to describe how the kids refused to listen and were "angry at God for what had happened to them and nothing was going to change their minds."

    The paper was a term paper I had to do for a course on Death and Dying.

  • Lady Lee
  • truthseekeriam
    truthseekeriam

    I know of at least 4 victims, one was my 9 year old daughter

  • Magwitch
    Magwitch

    • When I was 15 (in WI) I was friends with a girl at the hall that was about the same age as me. Her family was much like something out of the movie Deliverance. Well, she got pregnant and come to find out it was her (witness) father that molested her.
    • In my 20's there was an elderly MS in our hall that was much loved. Come to find out he molested about 8 girls (young teenagers) in our hall. One went to the (worldy) authorities and the story was all over the front page of the newspapers for a few weeks.
    • My oldest nephew in WI was molested by a brother in his hall. Starting at the age of 5 and lasting until he was 11.
    • My last hall, the case was quite a scandel and quite public. He was an elder who was regularly molesting his 9 year old adopted daughter. He then went on to other young girls in hall before he was caught. This was all over the papers, and he committed suicide before he was sentenced.
    • At the Memorial last week, there was a brother sitting in the front row... My sister wispered over to me ..."He just got done serving a 3 year sentence for molesting his stepdaughters - though he always maintained he was innocent."

    The above cases were all very public, that is why I knew about them. I shudder to think of the untold many that did not make it to the newspapers or end in a public pregnancy.

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