by PublishingCult 28 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
When you were in the organization of Jehovah's Witnesses, did you shun legitimate courtship attempts from "worldly" men or women who were otherwise very desirable and suitable because they were non-believers?
Did you fancy them as well, but tried to get them to study and come into the organization in order to justify the relationship?
I think deep down she's rejecting his advances because she's just not a big fan of Justin Timberlake.
I had one really nice guy that while we didn't say we dated, we did for a little while, and it was great. I ended up feeling guilty and cut him out of my life. I tried to get him back some time later, but he'd found a girlfriend, and --very understandably-- decided I was way too much of a flake. I became very depressed for a long time after. Then I had another one that was even better than the first one ask me out. I pushed him away a few times, but he kept coming back. It struck me that this was my second chance, and a third chance probably wouldn't come, so I eventually left the JW's, and married him a few months later. Twelve happy years and 2 kids later, I'm so greatful, relieved, happy I didn't let him get away. And no, I never tried to study with either of them.
This is a sore spot for me. When I was younger I had so many missed opportunities for dating non witnesses. In some situations I didn't realize I was being hit on until after that fact as I was quite naive. Other situations I was able to see the opportunity, but I rebuffed the flirting or sexual advances because of my jw indoctrination.
I never gave any thought to trying to convert someone so that I could justify a relationship.
Sounds like a friend of mine who is a JW. She has been pursued by many eligible, handsome, bachelors, in the world but always held out for that spiritual brother but not just any spiritual brother one of elder or CO status. She has neve been with a man. She is also very kind, spiritual, pretty, intelligent, and witty but the brothers that she is interested in are having nothing to do with her other than being her friend. They seem to go for the gals who are in the 20 to 30 year range and she is 37. I have been on the phone with her too many times to count consoling her as she is crying her eyes out in frustration.
I wouldn't even consider a worldly man or look in one's direction. I know I missed a lot of opportunities for something real.
Igot2bme-I can really relate to your friend.
Some of the Witnesses from my hall would try to encourage me by saying ,that they realize I could be married now to someone out in the world. Then, they commended me for waiting for another Witness. It really didn't encourage me,it just made me more depressed.
My single status in the org, is one of the reasons I started coming to this site,and questioning everything.
Fluffy hair with product in it, a necklace, non-mustache facial hair and chops? That guy is no good!
-Sab
This subject is a sore point for me too. On one end of things in hindsight, I'm resentful over this because it caused me to live a double life for significant amount of time. I was doing what young men do, and never got caught. I had to give it up though, because my conscience was in a wreck, and it was too stressful to continue on like that always having to cover my tracks, or looking over my shoulder when taking a girl out.
Nowadays, I'm a lot more frustrated because I'm passed the hitting and run stages of life, and I'm ready to go ahead and get married. Then I messed up and came across this forum and FreeMinds. It would be effed up of me to commit to a JW female, when my heart isn't necessarily into worshiping the faithful and discreet slave. At the hall, and at assemblies, I've had brothers ask me, I just laugh and tell folks that my circumstances at this time prevent me from such. Its funny when a JW female asks for your number so that she can "call you when she's having a gathering or going out with friends and wants to see if you'd like to come hang out too."
In a way, I'm not lying when I say that my circumstances wouldn't permet it at this as it is partially true, just not for the reasons they think. Then to add insult to injury or salt into the wound, I'm around worldly females at work, and I've recieved hints from a couple of them that I would love to explore. That stupid "marry only in the lord" verse that the WT has twisted to suite their own agenda has me and others between a rock and a hard place. You know how people say when you meet that one, you'll know? I think I have met someone, and for a second I even imagined giving my life for her. She put that much of a doozy on me. On top of that I get the feeling that she's expecting me to ask her out, and I just keep disappointing her.
oh god yes, many opportunities missed. although nobody my age went to my cong. i expected jehovah to hook me up with some new recruit. how sad.
JWs are good at lying to themselves, but in the end many will be sorry they didn't follow their heart and reject the advice from the WT's GB to avoid all non-JW single socializing. JWs are known to lie about the reasons why they are refusing social invitations, in order to avoid looking like the weird people they really are.
