When To Stop Being X ?????

by ladonna 22 Replies latest jw friends

Aussiemanhunter

Gerday.
There seems to me, to be a process of discovery and growth following a persons joining this forum or other groups like it.
My personal opinion is that this path is not necessarily positive all of the time.
Certainly for me, this forum has had some negative influence, where I have sucummed to the temptation to post "fluff" because of the obvious peergroup pressure in the number of "reads" compared to the more serious posts.
It is evident to me that some people resort to numerous short posts of
very dubious value for no apparant reason other than to gain status as a poster of "master", "jedi" or whatever title. I personally think this is counter productive to the content and value of this site.
I have not as yet, seen any published articles on the personal development process that a person travels through when they join a forum and contribute in varying degrees to the content of the site.
Clearly, from my own experience, there is a progression of psychological nature. I felt strong interest when joining and could not wait to read heaps of articles each time I switched the PC on. AS time passed, the number of serious articles being read by me has decreased and I have found myself following fluff threads. This "evolution" I have not liked.
If I am able to assist a persons recovery process from the WT organization, I consider the time well spent.
Following exhaustive threads of personal debate of a derogratory nature on this forum has become draining and depressive for me.
This is an apparently increasing percentage of posts on this forum and a component I not longer wish to immerse myself in. It's counter productive to personal wellbeing in my opinion.
The nature of the internet,prevents groups like we have on this forum
from becoming "destructive cults" in real life terms. We are always free to voluntarily leave this "cyber community" and then rejoin at a later time if we wish. Destructive cults do not extend this right to
their recruits.
However, there is in my opinion, clear elements of "cultish behaviour" with establishment of "pecking orders" and "personal alliances" giving rise to "sub-groups" within the established "cyber community" that has been established on this forum.
There are also very clear indications of totalitarian ideological
"group think" mentality, where a person who expresses an opinion contrary to the generally prevailing "group think" is then subject to a barrage of countering statements that often ignore the fundamental rules of debate and common courtesy. This may futher be followed by "ignoring" the future posts of the "offending" individual.
Behaviour of the type outlined above may be considered to be in line with "The Dispensing of Existance" outlined in Chapter 22 of R.J.Liftons classic "Thought reform and the Psychology of Totalism" and this is one of the eight criteria used to define a destructive totalitarian organization, that is, a dectructive cult.
Examining Liftons description of the identifying factors of a destructive cult, I have formed the opinion that several of those factors (perhaps even three or four) are clearly evident in the psychological influences that are present on this forum.
It is in the interests of all participants on this forum to familiarise themselves with these factors in order to prevent the negative and "cultish" behaviour that is emerging here.
Michael
When I'm dead and gone, will people remember me?
If they do, what kind of thoughts will spring into their minds?
Pathofthorns

I think it is good to pause every now and again and see just how far you've moved away from this religion. Usually it is much farther than you realize and this is evident when you meet up with Witnesses you used to associate with and realize you have nothing in common any more.
It is also good to keep this online community in perspective. For me personally, i prefer to use it as a source of information more so than a social outlet.
Living should be done in the real world and it makes no sense to get upset over words on a screen. When it gets to the point that you are putting too much emphasis on what goes on here and it negatively impacts your life, maybe it is time to take a break.
Also, we will always be 'x-jws'. I think we benefit when we accept that and feel good that we've endeavored to correct a bad choice in our lives. There is no sense in denying we were, but maybe we can weave the lessons learned into our lives to be better people.
Path
Prisca

Yeah, what he (Path) said.
Outaservice

Ladonna,
Some need to distance themselves from it. Others who might feel a calling or need to have a ministry toward JW's and'or ex-JW's might want to keep up with the Organization so as to stay current on all the BS that comes from it. Some can use infomation like the UN connection or pedophile situation to possibly help family members still in the Watchtower to take another look at it.
So, personally I think it varies with each individual. There are some benefits to run as fast as you can in the other direction when you get out and see the light, but some need to deal and process their experience over a period of time.
Outaservice
nelly136

i'm settling for being a part time ex, does that make me an auxillary?
I cant honestly say I've been anywhere where theres not some sort of
'pecking' order whether it be school work pub etc,
the difference with the jw 'pecking' order was that we were always told there was none,they built a procelain pedestal saying that all brothers/sisters were equal no matter what skin colour or culture material background etc, and they were above divisions like that, from what I saw they werent, you were graded by acceptability as to who you assosciated, whether you were a pioneer female etc etc
I think thats called life, if you go out with a group of people you will find that some are more outspoken than others, some are more contented to balance somewhere in the middle and others might be shy and not join in much at all ,(yep I'm sure theres more groups I could mention)
So we can all keep pulling this place apart or we can concentrate on the positive, theres a lot of people here so sometimes it may seem a little impersonal but on the other hand I get the feeling theres quite a bit of support goes on in emails and im's that people dont get to see here.
There are 21 forums more than enough room for everyone and all tastes,
praps when simon adds a clocking in machine and time report sheets I'll rethink the cult thing
Francois

This forum provides a place for exJWs to vent. The very definition of ex-JW MEANS that likely you are very angry at having your very human rights disrespected. Your dignity debased, your intelligence questioned.
It likely means that you were never listened to, ignored - no matter how well-based were your arguments and point of view. It's likely that your former friends and even close relatives regard you as some sort of spiritual criminal who will be struck down by God. And you are referred to as an apostate. The word is usually spat out as a pejorative, like ass-hole or any other pejorative.
But you know that you're none of these things. AND you know that those whose inner insecurities keep them in a religious cult whose prophecies and policies have never been worth a tinker's damn sitting in judgement of you is laughable.
Nevertheless, none of them are listening to you, and likely you have no "friends" outside the organization yet. But you can vent here. And maybe even find a friend or two. It takes awhile to get over this treatment to which you've been subjected. Especially when there's no way to externalize it via venting.
Some people who come here are back to normal, but come here to help others who are on their way out, or are soon to be - because they know how hard it can be. And the more of your support structure that's in the Borg, the harder it is to make a final, and clean, break.
Hope you get to where you need to be. And if you're headed in that direction, you'll get there.
Francois
patio34

I think the question presupposes many factors not necessarily present in many of us. I'm an ex-wife, an ex-homemaker as my kids have grown, ex-jogger, and many other things i've moved on from.
But when introducing myself, none of these apply. It doesn't imply that i'm hung up or labeled as an X anything.
Maybe some here are, i don't know. The reason for THIS discussion board is that we've all shared a major common experience and that gives us a lot more to discuss than perfect strangers.
We also can discuss research that many are interested in. Whereas an average person not in a cult/sect would not understand our interest in ancient mythology or particular religious issues, for instance.
It's not comparable with becoming a cult ourselves the way i see it, to have an open discussion of any ideas. Maybe that's just the way you personally see it, but it doesn't seem representative to the majority of folks here.
For what it's worth,
Pat
Gopher

The social acceptance this place offers is unique. It has been instrumental in my "normalization", although I suppose the degree of my normality is quite debatable! But I FEEL more human, having associated here with those who have endured similar nonsense and injustices, and continue to suffer from the shunning of JW relatives.
Yeah, there is some negative stuff that happens here. It's a free and open forum, not closely moderated. But we can all pick and choose what to read and react to, and I WOULDN'T HAVE IT ANY DIFFERENT.
Being an "EX" is just one aspect of my life, part of the kaledeiscope that makes me me. But it's one I will always be glad to keep as long as any breath remains in my body.
GopherWhy shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)
Amazing

Great comments everyone.
Simon: Your statement matchs that of how many feel. It is a great temptation when first an ex-JW to tell the whole world. Over time, one discovers that most of the reat of society does not really understand, and do not always care. Then the day comes when we forget to tell people our past. Then the day comes when we forget to tell ourselves.
toribabe

once an XJW you'll never be able to change that, just like you'll never be able to change the fact that once you were a JW.
This is just a forum to let people express their feelings, comfort people, and share experiences. And also to yell at eachother, learn who to dislike, have fallouts, and discover eachothers personalities and disagreements.
Not so much a cult, but like a family:)
we learn to love or tolerate.(or not in some cases)

When To Stop Being X ?????

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