Sitting on the fence

by INDYpendent 23 Replies latest jw friends

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  INDYpendent

  Greetings everyone,

  New here; this is my first post. I signed up with the hope of getting some of your thoughts regarding how to proceed with an ongoing situation.

  A little background: I have been baptized for about twenty years, or is it twenty-one, I can't recall. I am married to a wonderful woman that was born and raised as one of JWs, and we have two amazing kids - 13 & 14 years old. I have been on the edge of the congregation for at over ten years. By that, I mean that I don't comment at any meetings, although I do go out in the field ministry a few times per year, I do not report the time, I have little use for most of the people in the congregation and I don't consider them my Brothers or Sisters, and I have absolute distane for one of the elders in the hall. He's "professed" to be of the anointed; what a joke. The God that I know and love would never permit such a vile person into his organization (whereever that organization is), let alone grant him such a privlidge. (Although I don't have any hard evidence, I suspect that he is a pedophile! I've seen him at the KH holding a little retarted boy and rubbing and carressing him in places that his hands should never have been.)

  Anyway, maybe I questions things too much, but am I the only one the thinks the society is wrong about virutally every "rule" they create? Where do they come up with this stuff? I have great appreciation and respect for the Bible, but I can not bring myself to even read the trash in the Watchtower anymore. I find myself questioning everything I hear from the platform. I mean everything; from the ressurection of Cain, to the proper use of blood, to which translation of the Bible I should use.

  So, here's the problem. I am not willing to give up the amazing family life I have with my wife and kids by walking away from the JW organization. My wife is not very tollerant of my attitude and insufficient participation, and she is afaraid that I am "falling out of the truth". The reality is that I have found very little truth in "the Truth", and I've already fallen out; I just haven't told her yet.

  How long do I have to keep "living a lie"? How can I reason with the wife and kids? Am I doomed to sit here on the fence forever, or is there a way to take them all with me to the other side?

  INDYpendent (thinker)
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  kramer

  if you really did see an adult sexually assaulting a minor, I would say confront him with it , report it to the police, and if he doesn't speak to the elders.

  and whats the resurrection of Cain?
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  wobble

  I concur with Kramer above, any such suspiscious behaviour should be reported to the authorities first, and then to the Elders, who need telling to act upon it.

  Your position is similar to a number on here who will give you good advice, I think it is important to give tremendous attention to your wife and children, let them know how much you love them, and how spending quality time with them is the most important thing in your life. Time spent at the Meetings or other cult activities is not quality time for your family, whatever the WT may say.

  You may find in a short time you are able to introduce activities that minimise the time taken by the cult. Along with this, find out what issues about the religion trouble your wife, my wife and I were both born in, we both had things that just did not seem right, so then , help her to reason on those things.

  Just remember, baby steps are good, it will take time.
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  Desilusionnee

  Welcome INDYpendent

  You're not the only one questionning or thinking the society is wrong about virutally everything they say or teach and you're not the only one with family and children in. I know it's a very hard situation. Many on this board know.

  You'll find many answers to your questions here.

  Dési
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  ProdigalSon

  If you're happy with your family, my advice is to continue the minimal stuff you're doing...keep going through the motions. You're not going to break up a perfectly happy family when you're not even really a Witless to begin with, right?

  Keep an eye out here for threads that deal with situations similar to yours. Every once in a while find a way to tactfully bring up points that are a slam-dunk defeat for WT doctrine. Focus on things like the flip flops, and the Cedar Point convention that supposedly fulfilled the Revelation where they said that millions living then would never die. Lies cannot fulfill prophecies...... Show her the stuff proving 1914 is a lie and use Russell's own publications to show that he got it from the Giza Pyramid.
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  Lozhasleft

  Hello and welcome - you are among people here who will understand exactly how you feel and what you have to deal with. I do hope it helps you.

  Loz x
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  Terry

  Being a Jehovah's Witness is not too different from being a functional Alcoholic.

  The Alcohol is the focus of your life--but--you can still go about doing the things you need to do to have a life.

  At a certain point there comes a dramatic turn.

  You FACE THE REALITY: your life isn't made better by the addiction; it is being slowly destroyed.

  But--you still hesitate to do anything that may endanger losing the one thing your life centers around. (Alcohol/God)

  Enough of your mind and integrity remain (at this point) to set off the loud alarms.

  YOU NEED TO ACT or else.......................but..................the internal dialogue beings and it STOPS YOU DEAD IN YOUR TRACKS.

  Stop the Q and A and ACT or you'll be worn down into an immobile, frustrated, deteriorating addict the rest of your life.

  You KNOW what to do. The problem is the addiction is fighting for dominance and preventing your best instincts.

  Never operate out of fear.

  DO THE RIGHT THING and change will come.

  RELIEF will come.

  A better life opens up its possibilities.

  Recovery is always ONE DAY (today) at a time (now.)

  Do it. Be well. Be made whole.

  Get your life back.
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  INDYpendent

  I have met with a couple of the elders to discuss what I saw regarding the contact between the elder and the boy. I was basically written off because of the elder's anointedness. I admit, now, as I did then, that I did not actually see him put his hands in the kid's pants, they had turned away from me by then, but what I saw leading up to the point where they turned, was what I would call "inappropriate touching". He was rubbing his hand inside the kid's suit coat and rubbing his chest. As he started to move his hand down toward the kid's belt is when they turned and I couldn't see from my angle what was going on.

  As far as Cain is concerned, kramer, here's my question:

  The WTS has flip-flopped on this many times, with the most recent decision landing on the "Cain will not be ressurected" side (see WT 5/1/2005 pp 15 & 16 and associated pp questions). It is my opinion that Cain WILL be ressurected. I base this opinion on two facts. The first, in Genesis 4:15, Cain was protected by Jehovah. And second, if death is the payment for sin, and Cain has died, his sin should be forgiven. Doesn't that make sense?

  INDYpendent
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  Mad Sweeney

  How long do I have to keep "living a lie"? How can I reason with the wife and kids? Am I doomed to sit here on the fence forever, or is there a way to take them all with me to the other side?

  You aren't even close to being alone in this. There are tons of us here and you actually have an advantage that many others haven't had. That is this: you are already barely active and therefore little is expected of you from the congregation and organization higher-ups. There are elders and MS here that struggle with trying to get out of their positions without being labelled. You, on the other hand, can help your family while at the same time making it appear that you are "making spiritual progress."

  How?

  Tell your family that you have been thinking a lot about your spirituality and theirs lately and that you have decided to heed the wise counsel of the Governing Body and establish a Family Worship Night. As family head, and spiritual head, this will be your opportunity to slowly expose your family to information that will open their eyes. Life is long; you don't need to get them out in just a few weeks.

  This is what I did with my family and it worked. The only "rule" we had was that we would use the time, NOT to prepare for meetings or service (do that on your own time), but to strengthen our relationship with God via reading and discussing His Word. We would read the Bible and talk about it, reasoning among ourselves and learning how to reason for ourselves.

  There were many times when we would read a series of verses that obviously contradict some Watchtower doctrine or other and when I asked the family what the verses mean, they would first answer with the Watchtower doctrine, contradicting what we just read. I would reply by either asking them to re-read the pertinent verse aloud, or simply say, "look at verse such-and-such, what does IT say?" I would not give my opinion or criticize the organization. Only when one of them had a light-bulb moment, realizing that the organization contradicts the Bible would I just reply with something like, "this is why it is so important that we study the Bible together as a family, so that we can learn God's will for ourselves." and I'd emphasize the Boroeans "examining the scriptures" to make sure Paul wasn't full of crap and the scripture to "make sure of all things" always keeping the conversation upbuilding.

  We weren't attacking the organization, we were promoting God and His Word.

  It worked for me. It took many months but my wife and child both left the organization with me and we have never been happier than we have been this last year or so.

  A good (long) thread with scriptures (and an apologist/troll trying to derail it) is here:

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/watchtower/bible/191589/1/Most-Ignored-Scriptures-by-JWs

  Some of my favorites are Revelation 19:1, Romans chapter 14, John chapter 14, Acts 1:1-8 (especially 8), but you can adapt to your family.

  One thing that is NOT productive is TELLING your family the organization is wrong about something. I don't know whether you have read Steve Hassan's "Combatting Cult Mind Control" but in it (and from a lot of other cult experts, too) you will find that people who have been indoctrinated by high control groups have a built-in defense mechanism that kicks in as soon as their current belief system is challenged in any way. At that point, resistance is futile and further pushing only makes them dig in further.

  Ask questions. Get them to think for themselves. And be patient.

  I am sure you will get lots of great advice in this thread. I hope mine proves helpful, as well.

  Good luck!
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  jamiebowers

  Welcome to JWN! Please report your suspicions to protective wokrers for children or the handicapped, (depending on how old the boy is). It can usually be done anonomously. As for dealing with your wife and kids, many here have found success, (mileage may vary), by using techniques in dealing with the cult personality. Read Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steven Hassan for starters.