Found this site the other day and just wanted to say hello. I'm an ex-JW, not born in and thankfully not in for very long (~4 years). My mom's side of the family is Catholic, my dad's family is Buddhist. I was sort of raised Catholic and went to Catholic school but I always had issues with the Catholic church and never really believed in God. I was drawn in by the JW's at the low point of my life when I was trying to deal with a lot of issues that were really troubling me. As I'm sure you all know the society encourages JW's to try to start studies while people are dealing with the sorrow of a tragedy because it is an effective strategy and one that worked on me. The mentality of getting them when they are not really in their right mind and can't think critically.
Anyways I was rushed to baptism about seven months after I started studying, and this was in 2006. After my baptism I noticed a change in the way I was treated, and it wasn't for the better. Invitations to associate just stopped coming. It made me feel like I was just invited before so that I would feel welcome and continue studying, but once I was in they knew they had me so there was no need to be so friendly anymore. I brought my concerns to an elder and was told to be more active and widen out. So in addition to working two jobs (one full-time, one part-time to help out my family's business), attending all meetings, and doing microphone duty, I decided to join the RBC and tried to put in at least 30 hours of field service a month. Between all that and studying for meetings and taking care of the house I had little free time. Still nothing changed. One sister told me that some people thought I was bad association because I had tattoos and my tattoos were "satanic" (dragons and skulls). I had those tattoos long before I ever started studying and I thought my having them would be a good example that people can change their lives when they hear "the truth," but I was mistaken.
I don't want to keep rambling on but I'd like to share a few of the things that made me decide to leave the JW's. A couple of books were given to me after my baptism (evolution and creator?) because I have an interest in science. I read through them and most of the arguments were so outdated it was funny. It was like they were written by people who had stopped taking science in grade school. When I said that the theory of evolution is not what they were claiming, that it doesn't say we evolved from apes and that they didn't understand the definition of a theory (all of the accumulated knowledge on a subject and not some random, untested hypothesis) I was told my thinking was dangerous and to accept what the society published. Same response when I said man is more than 6,000 years old, that the continents were in their current locations before the flood, and that not all prehistoric creatures were herbivores.
Another thing that changed my perspective was when a single sister with two children in my book study lost her job. She worked for one of the annointed from another hall. He told her he had to shut down his business and asked if she could stay for two weeks to help get everything settled and take payment at the end. She stayed and the check bounced. She tried to get the money but he refused. The book study conductor started a collection for her and I donated a decent amount. He asked me if I was sure and I said yes. He said he wished he could do more but his family could only afford $10. I didn't think anything of this as he had two children and I was single with a better job. But then a few days later at the meeting he was telling me about all the just released DVDs they had bought the day after the book study (book study on Monday, DVD releases on Tuesday). People can spend their money on what they want, but it didn't seem very Christian to me to say you can only afford to give a sister in need $10 but then go out and spend well over $60 on movies the very next day. I noticed this a lot in the congregation. People would claim to not be able to help, donate, or give gas money when you drive them around every week, but always having money to spend on entertainment.
The final thing that made me start my fade was when I made arraingments for service and was ditched. The holidays were hard for me since none of my family are JW's and I was raised celebrating holidays. I decided to go out in service on Christmas, and the day before and after. I made arrangements with multiple people to just do informal witnessing at gas stations and laundromats so as not to bother others. I show up at the hall at 6:00 AM on the day before Christmas and no one is there. I wait a half hour and then go out by myself. Afterwards I make calls and send texts and emails. People reply saying something came up or they forgot or they overslept. I ask if we are still on for the next couple days and they say we can't make it on Christmas but will do it on the day after. So I show up at the hall at 6:00 AM on Christmas and wait for 30 minutes in case any random people show up. No one does so I go out by myself. The next day I again show up at 6:00 AM and again no one shows up. I wait for 30 minutes and go out on my own. At the Sunday meeting I ask everyone why they didn't call me and let me know they weren't coming. They were all too tired from spending Christmas day playing in the snow up north.
So not only did they all break their plans with me three days in a row, they all went up and did something else together and not a single one invited me. When I told them thanks for making me go in field service alone they told me we have direction to not go into field service alone. One of them told the elders and I was counseled on not following directions. When I mentioned what had happened I was told not to hold people's imperfection against them. Imperfection is one thing, but what they all did was just plain rude. One day I could understand, but not three in a row when they know that it was the hardest time of the year for me. When I mentioned that I was comfortable and safe doing informal witnessing alone (I was single, 31 years old, stocky, grew up doing karate and muay thai, and wrestled in high school) I was told that it is unsafe to be out on my own and that I need to follow the direction of the slave. When I asked what I should have done I was told when no one showed up I should have gone home instead of out in field service. So I was counseled for going out in field service and making my yes mean yes while others weren't counseled for breaking their obligations. That was my last meeting and the beginning of the end of my being a JW.
I was inactive for about six months. In that time not one person from my hall called, emailed, sent me a text, or visited. No elders came to see why I wasn't attending meetings. No "friends" asked if I was okay or if I needed anything. I started reading up about the JW's online. I went back through some of my textbooks from college. I started researching current thoughts on evolution. I browsed through the Watchtower Library CD-ROM and started looking for false prophecies. The more I read the more I was disgusted with the society and the more disappointed with myself for having ever believed them I became. About six months after the Christmas incident I sent a signed letter stating I was no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses. I shredded all copies of my no blood card. I threw all of the books, magazines, tracts, and convention notes I had in the recycling bin. I deleted the Watchtower Library and the numbers of all the JW's out of my phone with a few exceptions. I'm currently having my attorney modify my living trust and health care power of attorney to remove all references to the Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society.
Life is better now. I'm working full-time and going to school full-time, yet I have more free time than I did when I was working and attending to all of my JW duties. I associate with people that want to be around me and don't care about my past. I have more contact with my family and enjoy spending the holidays with them. I donate blood again which is far more life saving than a Watchtower or Awake. I can watch TED talks and not feel guilty that I'm being deceived by Satan. I can meet a female friend for dinner without a chaperone and not worry about violating a rule.
I do still talk to four people who used to be in my hall. Two of them (married) moved a couple of years before I left. They said they heard I was DF'd and I told them no, I was DA'd. We've met for dinner and we still call and email. They are having doubts and I've talked to them about what I've found. They are still active because of their family (both raised in and all of their family is in), but they like to discuss contradictions and concerns with me since they know if they try to get answers from active JW's they will be labeled as apostates for thinking for themselves. Another has been inactive for a long time. We text all the time and occassionally meet up. She knows I'm DA'd and doesn't care. The last I rarely see but we talk occassionally. She also knows I'm DA'd but doesn't care.
Sorry for the long, disorganized first post. I didn't intend to write so much but I had a lot to get off my chest. I needed to tell people who have been through what I have been through. Next time I'll try to keep it more concise.