I can relate, Franklin. We thankfully have a sufficient amount of brothers in our congregation, that its not necessary that I'm on the stage every week. So that decreases the chances of me slipping up and blowing my cover. If I was in one of those congregations where I had to be on the stage every week, sometimes two or three times on the same night, I would have lost it. Definate meltdown, foaming at the mouth on the platform while rambling incoherently. Its hard enough being a double agent, with not much to do!!
When I pray nowadays, I NEVER, and I mean NEVER, mention anything about the so called faithful and discreet slave. Its nonsensible to pray for an illustration. When brothers pray and ask for Jehovah to bless the faithful and discreet slave, they're essentially asking Jah to bless an illustration. That makes absolutely no sense. It's like asking Jah to bless the pit that the lost sheep fell in. Thats right, the pit. It's an illustration, nothing more, nothing less. Brothers don't even realize what they're saying. They're just repeating the prayers they've heard other imperfect men repeat for the past thirty years or so.
One thing that I will say is a blessing, is the talks being shortened to thirty minutes. So if you had an outline for something that was originally 45 minutes long, and there's significant things within that outline that offend your conscience, you can get bypass that part nowadays.
As far as Service Meeting parts, what I have trouble with is standing up there faking emotions that are nonexistant within my heart. "Aren't we excited about the ministry?!?!" Several delusional heads nodding at me, and I'm smiling ear to ear. Meanwhile in my heart, I'm thinking to myself how much I hate field service. So lately, I've been thinking about how I can do these parts without compromising my own beliefs. Instead of saying, "Aren't the meetings refreshing?", I say, "Aren't we refreshed after the meetings?" Cuz see, when I say "after the meeting", I'm not lying because I'm generally ecstatic that the meeting is over. You can do that with Service Meeting parts too. Instead of saying, "isn't field service invigorating?", you can say, "don't you feel good after you're done with field service?" You do feel good "after" field service, cuz you hated every second of it from the time you got up in the morning, to meeting with the group, to knocking on the doors of an apathetic neighborhood.
Hang in there bruh!
