I ask this question in harmony with DeeDub's swan song thread which I linked below.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/members/private/205902/1/Time-to-say-good-bye
To some degree, I think I understand where she's coming from. Just speaking from my own experiences since stepping into the world of anonymous apostacy, I went through a few different phases of personal outlooks. I'm still a work in progress, but at one point I hit rock bottom trying to come to grips with everything I've learned and the assortment of emotions that come along with it. Started drinking more, took sedatives in an attempt to just sleep off my thoughts. I posted some things that I regret, and there's a couple people I offended and some I haven't worked up enough nerve to apologize to just yet. Its difficult playing both sides of the fence, especially when you don't see a happy ending regardless of what side you choose.
I have to admit though, that DeeDub's feeling of happiness from being part of a congregation, is something that I can relate to. Its hard being angry and disgruntled at the end of a meeting when everyone is laughing, smiling and generally enjoying one another's company. My congregation is pretty laid back, to the point that we laugh with one another even during the meeting. I might give myself away with this post, but I'm the kind of guy that will give someone a wet willy during the WT Study, or even sit in the front row during the talk of a speaker that I'm friends with and make subtle faces at him. Yeah, our hall is that laid back. This weekend, I'm going to visit a couple older JWs in my field service group. I enjoy doing that because they don't get too many visitors. The one expects me to bring her fried chicken with every visit. I enjoy seeing her old butt crushing a drumstick like an animal. Its cute to me. Another one is mad at me because I didn't drop off her KM for Feb and March yet. That means I'll be forced to listen to her life story for at least a half hour on Saturday, and she's had a heluva life. Her family doesn't want to hear her story, so thats where I come in at. I've got a couple older ones who's steps and sidewalks I may have to shovel the snow off of. I just got wind of someone getting reinstated after being out for a couple decades. From what I understand, he cried like a baby when the committee gave the ok. When I got wind of it, it made me emotional because I know him and his family quite well, and he was in bad shape "while out there." There is happiness to be found within this organization, but I wonder at times as apostates are we being too selfish and hardheaded to procure it for ourselves as an active Jehovah's Witness? Are we possibly lacking reasonable understanding when it comes to individuals like DeeDub?
I know my experiences don't speak for everyone elses, but I have to say I just don't have a serious axe to grind with anyone in my congregation or JWs for the most part. My beefs with the organization stem from how much my upbringing has affected my life as an adult , and not being able to express all of my views with fellow JWs for fear of ostracism. To put it simply, I'm not a fan of the WT's micromanagement as they go beyond whats written. At the same time, I have to admit that there's plenty of institutions everyday people are a part of, that during their involvement with, they cannot speak their mind too openly. Such as school, or your place of employment. Why should we expect any more with any religious institution?
I'm getting away from whatever point I was trying to make when I started typing this, , but I guess what I'm trying to say isn't life is full of things that we cannot change? Some things we tolerate easily, others out of a sense of principle we refuse to tolerate so easily. Even when it comes to things that we don't enjoy, often enough when weighing the pros and cons, the pros win out. Lately I'm wondering if for many, myself included, and apparently DeeDubz, the pros of being a JW, if even conscious of its many faults, far outweight being a disgruntled, hardheaded apostate?
For the record, I'm thinking out loud and typing as the thoughts come to me. Tommorrow I might just post something along the lines of putting on a trenchcoat and taking a trip to Bethel to play a game of It Tag with the GB along with a semi-automatic. I'm not judging anyone who has absolute contempt towards this organization, or their congregation, because I've witnessed and heard some horror stories first and secondhand, before I even knew this website existed. Being raised in this religion, I know how imperfect people can treat one another all the while having a phony smile and declaring their love for Jehovah. But just because we've experienced wrong from the likes of those people, does that mean we give into to them and take all our marbles and go home? Are we possibly being childish or unreasonable by judging the entire organization based off of the actions of a few? There's more I didn't mention such as blood, and shunning, because I've typed too much already. I apologize for being long winded.