Did having children make you a better or worse JW

by journey-on 19 Replies latest jw friends

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  confuzzled777

  Interesting question.

  I have to say that it made me a worse JW.

  I missed a LOT of meetings, blaming it on the kids, but really just not wanting to go myself. As my kids have grown older, even before I was df'd, we allowed them to do things and hang out with kids that other JW's would not allow their kids to do. My DD who is a Junior in High School has already purchased her PROM (yes, I said prom) dress and is planning on attending the after prom party with her friends from school. That is a HUGE NO NO and I KNOW there will be "talk" about us letting her go. But I don't care anymore what other people think of us.

  OH and my kids WILL go to COLLEGE!! I have NOT encouraged them to get baptized. I was baptized at 16 and did it for all the wrong reasons. I do NOT encourage my kids to pioneer after school. NOR do I encourage my son to go to Bethel.

  Yep, definately not a good JW, by most JW standards........
• 

  Finally-Free

  It's hard to say since I never had children. I probably would have become a worse JW. For the most part the JWs treated me like dirt after I got baptized, and I don't think I would have wanted to subject any children to that. My ex, on the other hand, was the quintessential "company man" even though they treated her like dirt too. If we had kids, I probably would have left the cult, the ex would have gone in deeper, and the kids would have become a battlefield.

  I'm glad we never had any.

  W
• 

  Nice_Dream

  When I first had our child, I wanted to put him in a little bubble to stay a perfect JW when he was older. But eventually I realized that idea was ridiculous, and I didn't want him to suffer the things I did as a child just because the Watchtower said so. I didn't like trying to make him sit still for 2 hours at the meeting as an infant, or keep him in a carseat for 2 hours on service. It seemed so unnatural.

  Most importantly, I would never refuse blood to save his life. Why should I push my religious beliefs on him? It wasn't fair.

  So having a child made me a worse JW, but a much better, happier person.
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  journey-on

  All interesting perspectives. Thanks for the input. Children change you.....or at least they did me. I was an extremely young mother....still a teenager actually....so my own childhood was still fresh in my mind. Although I had loving but strict JW parents, I wanted my own children to be more free-spirited and open to question everything. I wanted them to experience Life less narrowly than I had been allowed to do. Something told me even while my first was just a tiny "seedling" in my womb that the religion I was raised in would suppress and repress the gift I so wanted to give my child. As I think back, the inner struggle to release myself from the borg probably began with my first child's kick in my gut. :-)
• 

  sabastious

  I was already out by the time I had my son, but he still changed me a lot spiritually.

  Some of my family was hoping that fear of my son dying in Armageddon would set me straight, and back to the Organization's "safe haven." The exact opposite happened; When Miles was born I was struck with the fear of letting him associate with Fundamental Religionists of any type. I'm sorry, but most churches scare the sh*t out of their kids in some way or another. Whether it's hell or Armageddon it's traumatic for most kids in a lasting way. So my goal became to raise him as an Objective Free Thinker; free of fear tactics of the world, at least they won't be enforced by me anyway.

  He'll know my views on the cosmos and he'll also know that he's free to think they are totally bogus. I would have been able to circumvent a lot of pain if I had been raised in a free thinking family, so I feel an obligation to stop this chain of abuse.

  Not to dog on my parents though. I really do believe they did their best with the circumstance they put themselves in; I don't blame them for anything; we all make mistakes, and their mistake affected their children... it's fairly common place. In fact, I am happy that I gained such a unique perspective of this world through the misery of the Watchtower's bumbling policies.

  It seems apt to quote Christopher Nolan's Joker in the Dark Knight: What doesnt kill you makes you stranger.

  -Sab
• 

  dinah

  I was willing to put up with the crap myself, but no way in hell was I going to allow it for my kids.

  Burns, I felt the same way. Of course my daughter was born 6 years after I was disfellowshipped, but the pressure to come back was always present.

  I remember once, the elders came by here one Saturday morning. It was early Spring, must have been the Memorial Call. Anyway, my kids were probably 7 and 4 years old and were outside playing. It was a beautiful day, they didn't have a care in the world. One of the elders made the comment that my kids would benefit from the truth. I got a feeling in my stomach that I can't explain.

  Now my kids are 14 and 17. Both are honor students, both keep an eye to the future, we didn't need "the truth" to keep them off drugs and out of trouble. My daughter is not promiscuous, even though she never heard the evils of sex from the podium 3 times a week. My kids are NORMAL. My kids can actually tell me if they have a problem without worrying that I will call the Gestapo on them.

  With that said, you have to wonder how much different things would be had I went back and dragged my poor babies with me.
• 

  boyzone

  Wow! all of you are so much better than me! I was such a dumbass that I really believed that the JW way was the best way of bringing up my children. So I threw myself heart and soul into doing what the GB asked of me in the hope that it'd save my children's lives.

  I became a great JW with alot of respect in the congregation for "aiming my arrows straight"

  Now my eldest kids are out and battling their own demons because of their JW upbringing. How stupid was I???

  Yeah, a great JW but a lousy parent.
• 

  Vidiot

  I find it interesting that there seem to be more XJWs here that were helped on their way out by becoming parents, rather than the other way 'round.
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  journey-on

  I find it interesting that there seem to be more XJWs here that were helped on their way out by becoming parents, rather than the other way 'round.

  Good observation. Maybe the WTS is on to something. Maybe they know this, too, and that's why they encourage young couples to go into the ministry rather than start a family.
• 

  MrMonroe

  Having the kids quiet at the meetings actually taught them a lot about obedience and respect. People have always said how good our kids are when we're at meals, restaurants, etc etc.

  But having little kids gave us a good cover story to avoid meetings and it made us determined they wouldn't be freaks who would stand out among their friends because of what they couldn't do.

  After we left, a friend said tearfully, "But what about the girls? Haven't you thought about them?" Answer: Yes, and that's one of the big reasons we did leave.