Moving On Means Never Speaking Out Need Help With Research...

by Tuesday 17 Replies latest jw friends

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  Tuesday

  Hey there Everyone!

  I've been in a discussion with a few ex-JWs about how to properly "move on" from being a JW. They are saying that to truly "move on" it means you leave it totally behind you and stop dwelling/talking about being a JW. I actually think the opposite, I think that moving on doesn't necessarily mean not talking about being a JW anymore, it means that the pain is gone but talking about a JW should be no more important to you than someone discussing scoring the winning touchdown in a High School Football game.

  I'm arguing that the Watchtower actually indoctrinates JWs to think that when they leave they should immediately move on and never discuss their past again. I think it's part of the emotional control aspect of the group, essentially causing another way of isolationism. It also effects information control because if former JWs aren't in touch with each other and JWs have no way to connect to former JWs they will be grossly inept to JWs re-entering their lives. Essentially if a JW tries to bring a former JW back, the former JW will have no convincing arguments as to why thus re-assuring the JW of their beliefs and their stereotype that all JWs leave for their own selfish desire.

  So on to what I'm hoping to get some help with, since I don't have access to my home computer all day (and probably won't till late tonight, it's a yoga night which takes 2 hours to do), I was wondering if anyone here could give me any Watchtower/Awake/Book quotes that talk about how former members should always "move on" by not discussing being a JW again and those that discuss it all the time are "evil", "trying to justify their wicked ways in leaving" etc.

  Thanks in advance you guys (oh if you haven't guessed my 5 month absence from Youtube will be no more once I get this material written)!
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  Will Power

  This is a good idea.

  for those who leave and for whatever reason never discuss doubts, their experiences, etc.

  or do not discover the deceptive indocrination practices of the WT, they are still vulnerable to future entrapment

  and emotional blackmail.

  wp
• 

  Amelia Ashton

  I felt for a long while that I will know when I am completely healed because I will stop coming to this and similar sites and I truely looked forward to that day. I feel differently now.

  I used to come here for purely my own healing but now I come also to help others. I recognise the emotions and turmoil of those just awakening from the mind control as being similar to mine. More than anything they need to know they are not alone and there is life after the borg.

  I can believe WT mags probably would say move on and forget. They would love us to because who else is going to point out all their changing doctrines and LIES. Telling us to move on and forget would not be for our benfit that's for sure!
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  peacefulpete

  What does "moving on" mean with regards any relationship? Do you continue to bring up the emotional hurt inflicted on you by old girlfriends? Rehash old conversations and lies over and over? Do you harp on the lost time and cash from the relationship? I used to post here quite a bit and it was theraputic and educational at first, then I found it was like an anchor. I just stop by now and then to see if there are any new meaty threads from posters like leolaia. Just yesterday I recognized I have to take my leave again, as returning here for more than a few hours seems to pull me back into the emotional state I was in years ago. It really is much like "exuming things that's better left alone" as Mr. Travis said.

  Don't worry about the WT, they will continue on with or without your griping about their abusive policies. There are hundreds of similarly nasty or delusional religions in the USA alone. Fighting them all would be tilting at windmills. Better to have your 'revenge' by enjoying life and laughing about the past.
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  teel

  What does "moving on" mean with regards any relationship?

  Just as with the case in point here - it stops hurting, or overtly affecting your current life, yet you learned something that maybe others don't know, and you may occasionally share that information with them. Some victims of domestic abuse become volunteers in an organization fighting against such, yet they could be considered as having "moved on".

  On topic: I can't say any written source, but I remember to have often heard about opposers being said by the JWs that if they are not interrested in the "Truth" then they should just leave it be.
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  blondie

  I know people who were raped and molested and they still talk about it in a heallthy way helping other victims to become survivors. I find nothing weak about that or not moving on. As long as it is not done in a negative way that doesn't lead to healing.
• 

  Tuesday

  What does "moving on" mean with regards any relationship? Do you continue to bring up the emotional hurt inflicted on you by old girlfriends? Rehash old conversations and lies over and over? Do you harp on the lost time and cash from the relationship? I used to post here quite a bit and it was theraputic and educational at first, then I found it was like an anchor. I just stop by now and then to see if there are any new meaty threads from posters like leolaia. Just yesterday I recognized I have to take my leave again, as returning here for more than a few hours seems to pull me back into the emotional state I was in years ago. It really is much like "exuming things that's better left alone" as Mr. Travis said.

  This is kind of my point, when you move on from a relationship where does it say that you have to stop talking about it? Obviously I'm not talking about a person surrounding themselves with pictures and their primary focus in life is discussing their ex-whatever. But if I suddenly split from my wife of 9 years, should I not be talking about our honeymoon or should I avoid discussing our times at Storyland with the kids?

  If I do, does that mean I didn't move on?
• 

  leavingwt

  Tuesday: For each individual it's very different, IMHO.

  I recently had an ex-JW tell me this: "I hold no ill feelings toward the organization, because hating takes too much energy."

  The biggest factor in this dynamic is whether or not an ex-JW has a (previously) close loved on trapped inside, who shuns them. In this situation, it can take years for the ex-JW to decide whether or not to give up hope and move on or to keep attempting interactions/extraction. As it is very much (or worse) than dealing with a death in the family, this is not a trivial matter for most people.

  Randy Watters is one example of a person who has certainly "moved on" from WT, yet he has dedicated much of his life to WT-related matters, in an effort to assist others.

  Summary: It's complicated. Each person must do what is necessary to survive. Some of us can thrive, other will merely survive.

  PS: As evidenced by some of the comments here and elsewhere, there are a SIGNIFICANT number of ex-JWs (DA'd or DF'd) who are still captive to the concept that WT is the "only true religion".
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  peacefulpete

  Being able and willing to acknowledge our past is one thing but reenacting the highly emotional drama is another. Moving on means to me being able form new relationships. For most people, detailing hurts of the past simply refreshes the pain and fosters fear. Perhaps if someone is able to factually recount a bad experience without reliving the emotions, they may be truly moved on. I tend to focuse on the factual errors and history rather than the sense of victimization when discussing the JWs. These topics are far less prone to rekindle emotions I want left behind. and btw....I never called anyone weak.
• 

  Tuesday

  Being able and willing to acknowledge our past is one thing but reenacting the highly emotional drama is another. Moving on means to me being able form new relationships. For most people, detailing hurts of the past simply refreshes the pain and fosters fear. Perhaps if someone is able to factually recount a bad experience without reliving the emotions, they may be truly moved on. I tend to focuse on the factual errors and history rather than the sense of victimization when discussing the JWs. These topics are far less prone to rekindle emotions I want left behind. and btw....I never called anyone weak.

  That's my focus as well, the whole factual errors, etc. I'm trying to wrap my head around the idea that moving on MUST mean you leave it all behind and don't discuss it. I remember distinctly being told things like this in the congregation and I'm fairly sure it was in a magazine. That's actually why I'm thinking that this is the last bastion of control and indoctrinization by the WT upon former JWs. I think that the WT has taught us to think that the only way to move on from your experience there is to "leave it be" and "never discuss it".

  Think about this though Pete, if someone starts discussing their past and they start getting upset and it brings about hurt feelings most therapists would tell them that they haven't really addressed the problem or moved past it. Repressing memories isn't therapy, it's just purposely forgetting bad times to avoid pain. In those people's cases I would say they need to talk about the feelings more until they can grab ahold of what's causing them and address the route cause.

  People can and do talk about situations that caused them alot of pain in life without reliving the emotions, support groups and things like that are the primary example of this.

  I guess I'm of the mind when someone tells me "I'm over it, I don't want to discuss it anymore." Then if you dig a little deeper with them it's because it causes them alot of pain, or reliving bad memories, then I don't think they have moved on. All they're doing is convincing themselves that they've moved on with their life. I'm trying to pin-point this to specific indoctrinization though. I think with everyone's help I can find the quotes I'm looking for.