A Beloved and Compassionate Elder Trapped in a Cult Just Died , What should I do?

by TastingFreedom 41 Replies latest jw friends

  • Violia

    I went to a funeral of a jws this year. I had similar feelings as you do. This person had been as close as a family member at one time. We were welcomed by the family and a few of the Jws there. There were no problems. We did not attend the family gathering , however. We are not DF or DA but generally unoffically shunned by most. I am not sure we would have been welcome had we been DF/DA.

    I enjoyed reading about your friend . I know there are some very decent , kind and loving elders in the org. I have known a few myself.

  • BluesBrother

    Sorry for your loss...as for attending or not? We cannot know all the circumstances, do what you think you should do.

    I knew some outstanding men when I served on elder bodies (as well as some complete prats) One guy springs to mind who also died relatively young from a heart attack. He gave his life to the cause raising his family in it..but he was also a maverick who would do and say what he believed to be right , not always what he should say. For years he was the Cong Overseer , then due to health and stress he took a furlough. That was the chance the jackals on the body had longed for and they "backstabbed" him and kept him off the body again...A year or so later he died....

    He was a great man who is fondly remembered by those who knew him well. They do not make elders like that any more, the company men rule it now.

  • journey-on

    What a beautiful "eulogy" you wrote.

    JW funerals are so horribly cold and disconnected from who the person truly was in all of his/her aspects. They focus only on one fact: he/she was a Jehovah's Witness. From there, the rest is just an infomercil for the WTS.

    I would go to the funeral, sit quietly and respectfully in the back. It may be uncomfortable for you to be shunned by others, but just let it wash over you.

    My sympathies for the loss of your dear mentor and friend...........journey-on

  • Violia

    I agree that jws funerals are often infomercials . The one I went to this year was handled differently. It really was about the deceased and their life . It is first jws funeral I have been to that I felt was done properly.

  • im stuck in
    im stuck in

    If it's at the KH it is a public meeting and they can not stop you from attending as long as you do not make a scene. Just go quietly and pay your respects that is what I would do. Stuck In

  • drewcoul

    I know that when my father died, seeing people from his past there, people I hadn't seen in decades made an impression on me and brought home the point of what a wonderful person he was and that he had touched people's lives so much even back in the '60's before I was born, that they paid their respects to him by showing up at the funeral or the showing. I know they weren't there for me, they didn't even know me or my mother. They were there to show their respect for my dad.

    I think you should do the same thing. If I were you, I would even go through the line and express your condolences to the widow. No need for a lengthy conversation, just tell her you loved him, and you miss him. No witness in their right mind would have a problem with that. As for having to listen to the talk, who cares??? It's what HE BELIEVED!!! You don't have to believe it, but it is being given because he would want it to be given.

    I hate to go back to my dad's funeral, but I had put into the memorial pamphlets two scriptures. Daniel 2:44 and Rev. 21:3,4. Not because I wanted people to know what the Witnesses teach about it, but because HE would want something said about God's Kingdom and something said about a paradise earth......whether it's true or not, it doesn't matter.

    I appreciate your problem here, but I say go for him. You will only regret it if you don't go.

    I am sorry for your loss. May our Heavenly Father give him his reward.

  • anewme

    It seems you really want to go in order to pay your respects.

    Like someone else said, everything will be alright if you decide to go.

    Taking a friend or two is a very wise decision. The Wits will definitely treat you nicely if there are potential converts with you.

    You know you will hear the usual gobbledygoop commercial for serving god in these last days so you too can hope to be in a paradise.

    Sounds like you were never dfd so many Wits will most likely express joy at seeing you. Some elders on the otherhand may frown dissapprovingly because they know you are fading and will want you to know they know.

    No one will spit at you or curse you or slug you.

    Sometimes I think it is very healthy to revisit the KH or read an Awake or Watchtower just to remind yourself why you left in the first place.

  • Hopscotch

    Tasting this is a tough decision that only you and your wife can really make.

    If you do decide to go I like the idea that others have put forth about taking a 'worldly' friend or workmate.

    However while attending may seem the right thing to do it could also turn into a negative and sad experience for you both.

    Some other ways around this could be to send his wife a lovely card with a personal note of sympathy, expressing your gratitude for the friendship her husband showed you and your family and how much you miss his company and what a good, kind person he was. And maybe send some lovely flowers to her home.

    And then maybe you and your family could hold your own little 'memorial' service for him in your home or at a nice place. Maybe light a candle, play some of his favourite music, look through some photos and express your gratitude for having known him and acknowledge your sorrow at his passing. Just my thoughts on handling this difficult situation.

    Thinking of you and your family at this sad time for you


  • factfinder

    TastingFreedom- I'm sorry for your loss. I hope that whatever decision you make will result in your finding some comfort.

  • life is to short
    life is to short

    I really do not know what to say about going to the hall for his memorial, I agree with OTWO that would be for those who are living.

    I am just really sorry about your pain. It is so sad that so many gave their lives to this religion for nothing.

    Sorry for your loss (((((((()))))))))))))


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