Need help making NON JW Friends. LOL!!

by lil.lady.03 13 Replies latest jw friends

  • dgp

    I have never had trouble making friends. Also, I have never been a witness. But, I think I can make a contribution.

    I have this friend whose sister married a nice man. It was kind of odd to us, however, that, when he married, there was no one from his side of the family. Only years later did I learn that he had been a witness who left. He happened to be marrying a Baptist. He was just like everyone else, and, what's more, he has the reputation of not being meddlesome and not being a gossip. Not that he doesn't have any personality flaws, but for the most part he is easygoing and kind.

    I think you just have to be yourself. People won't care at all whether you were a witness or not. In fact, if you look at it carefully, the reverse is true: it's the witnesses who have something against "the worldlies". I find that for many witnesses, leaving that "us vs. them" mentality is a big hurdle. Even here, if you are a worldly, you notice that sometimes the witnesses are still seeing the world as "us" and them. It's not a surprise, since they were raised to understand the world in such a way. And, people of all sorts do tend to do groupthink.

    If you are a nice person and have normal interactions, then friends will come your way.

    I can understand that meeting former witnesses who really-really understand you is a valuable thing, but in my humble opinion you should not constrain yourself to mingling only with former witnesses, those who you feel to be just like you. I have chosen the final words of the previous sentence very carefully to make my point. If you are to escape the prison, then everyone outside is your friend, in principle. If you're not into heavy metal or poetry you won't make it with those groups, but you'll know that only after you meet them.

  • lil.lady.03

    thanks everybody!

    DGP you brought up some points that I had never thought about. I know I still do have the "us. vs. them" mentality. Even wih my bf, I try to explain to him that I think it would be easier to have friends that have gone through the same situation. He says he doesn't think so; that I should just be myself. I tell him that it feels like in high school when you are the new kid and everybody already has their set own friends, so why would they add you; the awkward kid with glasses. I do have to get over that hurdle. Cuz I do feel if I mention my background ppl will give me a side-eye kinda look.

    But a cool thing happened today. I gave a coworker a ride home from work and he brought up the topic of religion.

    We both had some interesing viewpoints about things and he told me he was raised as a buddhist.

    I would have never guessed, I said, "Hmmm...that explains it! You've always seemed so different."

    It was a funny moment for me, because ususally that is what people say to JWs. LOL. He is a nice guy to talk to and I have noticed that now I can talk about religion without guilty into making a "witness product placement"

    AAHHHH!!! TO BE FREE!!!!

  • teel

    Lil lady, I think most of us xJws were in a very similar situation. You really should just be yourself, talk to people casually, no need to go out your way to look for friends. As you may have realized on the experience with the "cool thing", people are out there wanting to socialize, and many of them would fit well with your personality. I wrote my experience about this in short here:, maybe it gives you hope Good luck.

  • free2think

    Hi Lil Lady

    I found it really hard to make friends once I left. It was so strange because I was/am a very sociable person but I found it really lonely. At the end of the first year I got really depressed and through my local GP I found my local volunteer centre, and started volunteering there. Working there was a breath of fresh air, before I joined I really thought there was something wrong with me lol, but I soon realised there wasn't at all.

    It felt so good because for the first time I I could finally be myself, it felt so liberating.

    I started going out with some of my colleagues from there, and through them I started making friends, and it really built up my confidence.

    It took me a while but I feel like I have a nice group of different friends now. I think the key for me was to try new things, and get out of my comfort zone.

    Feel free to pm if you fancy a chat

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