Need help making NON JW Friends. LOL!!

by lil.lady.03 13 Replies latest jw friends

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  lil.lady.03

  So its been a whomping 5 months since I stopped going to the meetings!! YAY!!!

  And Its amazing how quickly I have let go of everything!!

  Only thing I am having an issue with is friends.

  Like really really, my friends I did have were pretty liberal JW as they come.We'd go to clubs and drinkall night and party party party!! We'd watch Rated R movies without even blinking an eyelash from corcern.

  Yet they are very, very, very much intuned to the org. Out of all of us, I've always been the quiet one who goes with the flow. But now Its me stepping up and moving on with my life and living it how I want. It is a group of us girls and everyone says: "I'd rather be struggling and hanging on weak in the org than out of it all together." Hmph! I do not like that. So I have dramatically distanced myself. BUT I MISS MY FRIENDS!!!

  I tried to have a girls night last week. We started talking about me and where I am with everything. It was intense. We didn't flat out argue, just was a honest open discussion. And I know my honest statements about "the truth" was not taken well. For every statement they had, I had a viewpoint or rebuttal. It felt as if I was in college talking to a kindergarter. I love them all dearly but I know they don't want to hang out with me, and frankly I don't want too as much anymore.

  And I know the path that I am on is different from theirs now, even if they are worldy witnesses. I just wonder how do I go about making new friends. Like I consider them like sisters. I don't have any fleashly sisters. It just kinda sucks. Anyone have any advice?
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  Broken Promises

  I understand completely where you're coming from, as I had to do the same thing. It's very difficult to give up what was a good social club.

  You will have to give it time, but you'll make friends slowly but surely. As a start, have you joined the Meetup.com site to see if there's any exJWs in your area?

  If you're working, try to get a little more involved with your workmates. Accept after-work drinks or birthday lunches. Let them get to know you.

  Get involved in your local community. Is there a cause you're interested in? Volunteer at a local animal shelter or womans refuge?

  As I said, give it time. But you will find people who will love and appreciate you non-conditionally.
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  lil.lady.03

  whew! bad internet connection.

  thanks broken promises. I was wonderingif there was a way or a possibility that old former JWs ever met up withone another.

  Its such a limbo state that we are in sinc ewe have left. Not to many non JWs get what it feels like. Thank you for the advice.
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  Palimpsest

  Find people via Meetup, take some credit-free adult ed/continuing education classes, join a book discussion group (hey, you already have experience being part of one! ;)), take up volunteer work (I suggest starting with volunteermatch.org if you're in the U.S.), see what programs your local Parks & Rec department offers...there are lots of opportunities out there, but you have to seek them out and do the hard work of getting started with it. Also, it goes without saying that discussing your JW past ad nauseum is *not* the way to make "worldly" friends. That seems to be the biggest mistake ex-JWs make when trying to make friends outside. Discover who you really are and what your real interests are, and then focus on those when making friends. Don't automatically paint yourself as "the weird one" right out of the gate.
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  Curtains

  lil lady 03

  One of the main things to get used to outside of JWs is that you are different from everyone around you. I say be different and take whatever comes with it.

  an unfortunate aspect of human nature (and that we see so clearly when we leave a fascist organisation) is that humans on the outside can be just as narrow minded. This is something to accept. However now you can spread your own difference around - this is something you could not do as a witness.

  take a leaf out of a favourite singers book. See how they are different and how they infect others with their own styles and personalities. Lady gaga, beyonce etc.
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  scotinsw

  I know the feeling! In the big cities in the UK there is a network called city socialising where people organise events and other members can go. You meet loads of different people. It might seem daunting at first but social clubs are fantastic!
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  sleepingbeauty

  Ive just joined this site here on this link so as to make friends . You should be able to put in your district, so as to join up with others who are in the same boat as you around where you live. This way you can get out & party !!!

  (I can't work out how to make this a clickable link, so insert it into your web browser & you should then be taken to the website)..

  http://www.meetup.com/The-Midlands-Ex-Jehovah-s-Witness-Meetup-Group/

  xx
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  sleepingbeauty

  http://www.meetup.com/The-Midlands-Ex-Jehovah-s-Witness-Meetup-Group/

  Here it is think Ive worked it out now - This link is now officially clickable
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  Mad Sweeney

  A lot depends on where you live. In urban areas there are regular groups of ex-JWs that meet pretty regularly. You may even meet some people here on JWN that are from your city. If you are from a rural area, though, it is unlikely you'll find many ex-JWs, if any, so you are going to need to find friends who have probably never been cult members.

  Decide what you like doing, what you're interested in, then find people locally who do and like the same thing. It takes some effort but it is worthwhile. Rather than have a group define you and your friends you can determine the sort of friends you want and find that group now. Freedom is worth all the effort it takes to attain it.

  Good luck.
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  Band on the Run

  I went from many friends in high school to zero friends in college b/c I was afraid I would not fit in. A self-fulfilling cycle existed. Making friends is very circumstantial. I eventually assimilated, became outgoing, and met tons of people I adored easily when I was on the rat race track. Illness forced me off that track into isolation. I forced myself to go out into the community. Meetup did not help me much b/c the nearest decent city is a two hour commute.

  There are people who seem to have tons of friends. I'd rather have a few close friends. Good luck. It is a painful transition but one well worth making.

  Some day you will wake up and realize you made the transition. You are truly yourself and cherished for it. It won't happen with Witness friends. If you had so much with Witnesses, imagine your fun without the bs/