How long did it take until you had that 'light bulb' moment?

by Crash Override 14 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Crash Override
    Crash Override

    How long did it take for you to realize that something was very wrong with the 'truth'?

    For me, it was about 2 1/2 years into studying. I was around 15/16.

    I'm a guy and I'm attracted to both guys and girls. I never had a problem with that until i started studying. I started having these guilty feelings, like i was constantly sinning and couldn't help it. I somehow came to the crazy conclusion that demons had made me bisexual and that i had invited them into my life through the occult.

    So i got rid of my ghost and vampire books. Time went by and i was still bisexual, even though i studied extra hard and tried my best not to sin. I couldn't understand it, i was doing everything right. I was even considering leaving school and devoting my entire life to preaching for Jehovah, just to atone for my evil thoughts. By this time my fear of demons was out of control. Because of it i had trouble sleeping most nights.

    It was at this point i took a step back and realized, holy crap! i think that I'm an evil person and i live in fear of invisible demons. They were completely messing me up and in turning into a nut job. This was, as i like to put it, my light bulb moment.

    From then on i started researching into the history behind the organization. I came across pictures and info of Charles Taze Russel's burial site. I showed this to the couple i study with. They told me straight away that it's all probably false and that i can't trust these 'apostate sites'. I pleaded with them to check it out anyway to see if it's true. So they came back next week for study, told me that it was all true. Yes they used pyramids in their worship and yep, that big ass pyramid burial monument was built by early JWs. Oh, but they learned from their mistakes.

    This was my second 'wake up' moment. This couple had been in the truth longer than i had been alive and i knew more about the history of the JWs than they did. I knew then that i just couldn't believe this crap anymore.

    I'm still studying now, another 2 1/2 years later. I can't leave yet, most of the people i know (family included) are involved in the truth. I'll get out of it one day, but until then what i 'learn' from study and the meetings goes in one ear and out the other.

  • Amelia Ashton
    Amelia Ashton

    Too long.

  • A.Fenderson

    Do not get baptized.

    Welcome. :-)

  • Found Sheep
    Found Sheep

    yes Do not get baptized!

    took me well... started with being exposed at 5 and not thinking everything was good at 30.... left at at 32 now 35 and still feel pain

  • GrandmaJones

    Had I ever known when I was young what you already know, how my life, and the lives of my children and grandchildren would be different. Please, don't get baptized. Get out and stay out while you can. Once you get in far enough, there will be no respectable way to leave and not be at least partially shunned. Go.

  • Aussie Oz
    Aussie Oz

    12 years.

    stopped in 1998, DF in 2000 and spent 10 more years as an apologist.

    Light bulb moment was finding a link to the Child custody packet on this forum.

    Then everything just flooded out at me and i had to ride the rapids!


  • villabolo

    Welcome Crash Override. Definitely don't get baptized and start fading as soon as possible. Make no further commitments, relationshipwise, in that religion.

    For me, the light bulb got brighter and brighter until one day it burst.

    I got in at the tender age of 14, on my own. I thought I was learning the secrets of the Cosmos.

    At one point, during my study, the elder who studied with me made a commentary on something the speaker had said about the ORGANization. The elder described the role of the governing body as that of a work mule whose task it was to serve the brothers. Soon enough, I started realizing there was something wrong with that picture.

    I started suffering from dissonance when I heard things like:

    1) Whenever you open up a Watchtower, it's like getting a letter from Jehovah.

    2) Even if the Organization is wrong how dare you correct it! You're running ahead of Jehovah.

    3) Whenever you have doubts you should say what the apostles told Jesus. "Lord, whom are we to go to.?"

    This pathological self worship kept eating away at me like a steady drip of spiritual acid. It was obvious that the mule was in charge.

    I also became curious at the fear they demonstrated over their old books. Once, at the Kingdom Hall library an elderly sister; seeing that I was reading; counseled me against reading old books.

    On another occasion, a fourth generation sister and her husband were proudly showing off a book that had been in her family for generations. The Finished Mystery. They gave it to me to hold and then I committed what must have been the unforgiveable sin. I opened it and started to casually read it. The Jehovah's Witness couple went hysterical waving their arms and yelling "No, no! It's different". I closed it and gave it back to them wondering why they should want to keep a book that solicited the same histrionics that a book on witchcraft would have.

    It was the self glorification of the governing body that eventually got me out. I was getting to the point where I had panic attacks going out in service. I told my partner once, "There's something wrong here". I didn't elaborate. He thought I was talking about myself.

    I finally, ever so meekly, questioned an elder on something trivial. I knew deep inside that the "mule" would kick me out.

    I wasted only 8 years, but they were the most formative years of my life.


  • baristaman

    Long story short (I hope),

    Brother "Smith" has an affair with 18 y/o Sister "Jones" while out in service. They get busted, he gets df'ed. His wife stays with him. He gets re-instated, regains his stature in the congregation and THEN, eventually, PARTAKES at the Memorial service, knowing full well that NO ONE can question him on this. This all happened in the span of a year, back in the "80's. It was my light bulb, final straw moment.

  • AiAi

    I had always told myself that since the society always took such a strong stance on being directed by god that if they were wrong about ANYTHING they were not god's people. But when I started doing research it was not so easy to break their hold. For me finding Deut 18:20-22 was the 'light bulb' moment. There was no way they could explain away such a clearly worded and straightforward scripture as that. Sadly it took almost another year until I was 100% convinced they were wrong.

  • laverite

    I was sitting in an cross-disciplinary university course in which we were considering historical and archeological records, religious institutions, and social organization. It was a really unique course but absolutely brilliant. I know of no other course like it any place. For me, the lightbulb didn't just go on. Rather, it was as if I had a thunderbolt moment. It all came together. I was 18. Talk about the power of information and a university education being a transformative experience.

Share this