im looking for some advice.
so i grew up as a witness was baptized when i was seventeen, which by the way i was pushed into baptizm cuse my parents kept asking me when i was and threatned to not buy me a car if i didnt get baptized.
I was baptized when I was 18 after high school because I wanted to make sure that’s what I truly wanted. My mom was a bet more understanding about rushing into such an important commitment, she wanted to make sure it was in my heart.
since it was never in my heart i was never very dedicated and was disfellowshipped by nineteen i started the process of coming back but after bout four months i moved out.
I never really experienced life or fun before like teens do. I never dated or even had my first kiss. I meet a whole bunch of young witness friends from other halls but they were all my sister’s age and by the time I reached 21 I wanted to go out and have fun! I meet a Dfed guy, my sister’s bf’s older brother. He was so free spirited and my age. We had a blast together… but that’s what lead me into partying with nonJW people, some being Dfed themselves. It was awesome for the time… but then it got old and like you I missed my family and my life wasn’t really going the way I wanted. I got into drinking a lot and sex. I was the party girl. I only did weed every now and then, still new to that and didn’t really like the feeling because they had strong weed. Never really did anything that crazy and it all happened so fast… one min I’m out in serves, the next I’m publicly reproved, then Dfed myself. It was freedom I craved not necessarily the bad! I wanted to make my own life mine!
i started partying alot mainly with my other disfellowshipped friends and nonactive jw frien, we were drinking alot and smoking weed but soon i started feeling the need to go back so i started up at the meetings but i got bored and went back to my old ways, this has been what i have been doing for the last five years, partying getting drunk and drugs and then stopping and going back to the meetings for a couple months, the same process for last the last almost five years. i know i dont want to live my life getting drunk and doing drugs but i dont see myself being a witness either, i just dont think this disfellowshipping thing is right. but i can never have a normal relationship with my family if i dont, i think its crazy how my parents barely spk with me but yet they talk to my sister her who is a witness but yet she has been sleeping with her boyfriend and soon will having a baby by him and they not married, but since she has not gone forward to the brothers she not disfellowshiped they spk to her daily but when my dad sees me or mom they just say when u gonna come back so we can be a normal family again? which i think sometimes maybe i should just do it for them fam, but then im like like this religion is wrong ihave too many doubts but i dont know where else to go? any advice? i feel like my life isnt going anywhere
So the really messed up thing was for me was the same hung up thing you experience. How can my nonbaptised sister, cousins, family be welcomed to family gathering and talked to freely while me being Dfed get shunned and only spoken to in secret. It didn’t seem quite fair.
Well I learned it’s not necessarily the crime we commit it’s the commitment we broken, we committed to the baptism to live a sinless life… but we broke that and now they expect us to pay for it. But that’s a fear tactic… it’s what they call “bringing you back to your senses” because they say they “care and want you to come back”…But is these the life for you is this what you truly want. After 5 years I’d say your looking for something more then that! Totally understandable and seriously it’s possible to have just that!
thanks everyone for your responses yeah i do have to just figure out what makes me happy and i wouldnt consider myself an addict i just went thru five months of no drugs and no getting drunk, i might only of drank maybe five beers total during that period,those five months i isolated myself from all my friends and started to go back to the meetings occasionally but i got really bored of just sitting around watching tv and seeing every movie that has came out since aug by myself, i dont know what the reinstatement process is but i just figure they ask u questions on who u have been associating with but recently i got really fed up with all of the lonliness and got back on facebook and got back with some old friends and went to a party, i got really messed up and next day felt sick and bad about it all,and now im just trying to figure out my next move. has anyone tried counseling? i feel like maybe that might help but i also feel like i need god in my life i was on youtube and alot of the exjws youtubers are bornagain, anyone haveanything to say about that? and sorry im typing from my cell so hopefully this all makes sense