wow... today has been a really tough day... so many troubling thoughts and questions.. now you have added another one Pirata... I doubt that this will offer much comfort to you Pirata, but I love what boshido shoshinsu councils in regard to death. A few quotes...
"one who is supposed to be a warrior considers it his foremost concern to keep death in mind at all times, every day and every night, from the morning of New Year's Day through the night of New Year's Eve. As long as you keep death in mind at all times you will also fulfill the ways of loyalty and familial duty. You will avaoid myriad evils and calamities, you will be physically sound and healthy, and you will live a long life. what is more, your character willimprove and your virtue will grow"
"...when you forget death and become inattentive, you are not circumspect about things. you may say something offensive to someone and get into an argument. You may challenge something you might as well have ignored and get into a quarrel. ....... you could lose your own life, get your employer bad publicity and cause your parentrs and siblings difficulties. All this trouble comes from inattentiveness when you fail to keep death in mind at all times"
"when you assume that your stay in this world will last, various wishes occur to you, and you beocme very desirous. You want what others have, and cling to your own possesions, developing a mercantile mentality. When you always keep death in mind, covetousness naturally weakens, and to that defree a grabby, greedy attitude logically does not occur. that is why i say your character improves."
" yet there is the question of how to keep death in mind...... the idea is to take care of your public and provate duties day and night, and then whenever you have any free time when your mind is unoccupied, you think of death, bringing it to mind attentively. It is said that in the great hero Masahiges instrcutions to his son, he told him to always get used to death"
"a warrior performs distinguished military feats on the battleground and earns the highest honor only after having accepted the fact that he is going to die. because of that, if he has the misfortune to lose in a duel, when his head is about to be taken by the enemy, on being asked his name by the enemy he identifies himself clearly and hands over his head with a smile, showing no sign of flinching"
"if you fight death, refusing to consider an illnes fatal, delighting when someone minimizes your illness and hating when someone says its is serious, fussing with doctors, making impossible prayers and vows, thinking in a cofused manner, making no final statement even though your illness gradually worsens, this is like the death of a dog or a cat. To spoil your one and only last hour like this is a slovenly way to die, resulting from a failure to keep death in mind at all times, hating to hear when someone dies, feeling that you will be in this world forever, being deeply desirous and greedy for life. if you go onto a battlefield with sucha a cowardly attitude, there is no way you can die a splendid death death in the cause of layalty and duty. This is why those who cultivate warriorship refer even to dying in bed of sickness as the once-in-a-lifetime major event"
