9 months into my fade... how things are looking so far...

by gutted 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • gutted

    So for those that care or are in a similar situation just wanted to give an update how things are on my end as far as fading 9 months in.

    April of last year I found out the truth about the truth, took one night of googling and the walls came tumbling down. Then I read Read Crisis of Conscience, Combatting Cult Mind Control, first part of In Search of Christian Freedom and eventually Captives of a Concept. My last ever "meeting" was the 3 day convention in July of last year I attended with my family, I posted about it and just how utterly frustrating it was. I then and there made the decision to NEVER go back, and I haven't and never will.

    Family situation: Suprisingly I have contact with all of my family, and am on similar/good terms as when I was as a witness. All my immediate JW family and non-JW family know I no longer follow it. I still live with my mom and our relationship is good. Not sure when I'll move out yet lol.

    Friends: I have kept one good friend who is still in, but I have shown him the Governing Body is just men. I forsee him fading when he moves out of home. I had a couple of JW friends pop by the house here and there, have been to some outings with witnesses (mostly not from my congregation) and it hasn't been too bad. Though I do try to avoid witnesses, it makes me uncomfortable and feel like I am being judged, I will engage them, I just never talk about anything truth related. I have made a couple of friends from work which is cool.

    Mentality/beliefs: I am unsure if there is a God, and honestly I am leaning more towards no. Even when I was a witness I would read scientific articles and skeptical articles and they just made appealed to me as far as belief in a God. I suppose I am agnostic, but at the end of the day this question just doesn't disturb me, it makes for good contimplation mostly. It will not really affect the way I live my life, I will always try to live my life the best way I can, being kind and respectful. I still value Jesus' teachings from a moral perspective. Perhaps if I ever have a family I will truly need to evaluate this.

    Emotional state: I believe I am "happier" being out of the witnesses, more "free". I still struggle with things that I always have, like shyness, but even without the idea that I will live forever I still am a positive person overall. I suppose I thought I would be better off emotionally, but the programming and ideas we have since childhood are pretty ingrained things. Perhaps the best is yet to come in this regard.

    I think the main thing for me is that now that I am into my late 20s the thing I think most about is relationships. I've never had a real life romantic relationship, and I am ready for one but the JW mentality and my own shortcomings in just meeting someone are still big mental roadblocks for me. I know this is not just unique to being a witness, I've been reading about guys in a similar boat as mine, even ones who were not religious. Also guys in the truth have dated a lot too. I do feel like an outsider in this regard, especially when I'll be hanging out with "worldlies" (lol) and they start talking about their past relationships... I feel very left out. My plan for this year is to actually date, online is crap so far but I will work on my confidence and try to approach girls in real life.

    Looking ahead: The elders have not been bothering me which I didn't expect. They tried contacting me a couple times at first but I gave them the cold shoulder and then I haven't heard anything since. Perhaps they will try to pin me down in the future and I'm still not sure if I will play the "I'm good, no thanks" card or the "I'm depressed and life sucks" card. I guess it doesn't matter as long as I'm not DFed, I don't want that to change some of the relationships I have with my family who are still in.

    If you have questions go ahead.

    Here is hoping 2011 is a great year!

  • leavingwt

    Sounds great! Thank you for the update.

    I suppose I am agnostic, but at the end of the day this question just doesn't disturb me, it makes for good contimplation mostly. It will not really affect the way I live my life, I will always try to live my life the best way I can, being kind and respectful.

    Works for me.

  • jgnat

    It sounds like you started out gutted, but you've manage to sew your life back up in to a patchwork of sorts. Congrats on keeping your family relationships going.

    I was really inept at the whole dating scene, too. So I am not sure if I can provide much encouragement in that area. Now I am a fifty year old grandmama and a hubby who keeps me busy and I don't worry about it as much.

    Here's a book from a woman's perspective, "The Year of Yes". A counterpoint for you might be a 'Year of Ask", not taking rejection personally.

  • OnTheWayOut

    Great update. Make sure you reserve "too much information" for yourself and keep it from Mom. No point in telling her down the road that you registered to vote or have sexual experiences and certainly don't tell her if a significant other ever lives in the same home with you. It's not deception as you don't really actually have to deny or hide it- you just have to avoid saying it. The same for any JW relatives/friends that might feel obligated to pass it along or pressured to do it.

  • sd-7

    I have no questions. I'm just glad to see you exercising your conscience. The 'fade'...if I'd been smarter, I could've tried that strategy.

    On relationships, I never thought I'd dare give advice, but...you might want to read my story. Rule #1 is DO NOT DATE A JW. If even a microbe of you is pondering it, grab something solid and hit yourself very hard with it. But since you're already in fade mode, I doubt that'll be a problem. It's just that matters of the heart were my Achilles' heel. Make sure you date as worldly as possible, dude. And since like me, you're shy, make sure you stay away from women who expect you to pay their way through life or take responsibility for their problems. Don't let anyone take advantage of you.

    Otherwise, just keep doing what you're doing, and I think you'll be fine.


  • Gayle

    I am so very happy how you have identified the un-truth about WTS and that you seem to be content with your de-socialization of JWs for the most part.

    I hope you can find an interest, club, or some network to develop friends and possibly a relationship that can be compatible.

    Best wishes to you!

  • GrandmaJones

    Glad to hear that things are going well. It gives hope to many...

  • Found Sheep
    Found Sheep

    good for you!

  • jookbeard

    well done Gutted keep going

  • gutted

    Thanks all for the kind words and advice so far

Share this