Not really, dear stillin (peace to you!). I mean, I thought I had some kind of a relationship because (1) I prayed/"spoke" to Him, often, and (2) the WTBTS said I did. Even so, it was pretty much one way. Which didn't really bother me because that's how folks said it was supposed to be. What DID bother me was that I didn't have a relationship with His Son. Given that that One was supposed to be my Leader, that that one "gave" his life for me, that that One was "king" of the kingdom, that that One was supposedly the One who "destroyed" folks at "Armageddon"... I felt it strange that I didn't really know much about HIM... except that he was said to be kind, loving, compassionate, etc.
When we were studying the "Greatest Man" book, however, I became confused. How could someone be so loving as to give his life for the world (yet, only for JWs), yet was going to destroy a whole bunch of folks (yet, give life to a whole bunch), etc., etc., etc. I was sitting in the KH during an afternoon BS and remember thinking, there's something "wrong" here - which is the TRUTH? And I remember saying a little prayer to "Jehovah" to the gist of, "Look, it seems to ME that if your Son did all of these good things, I should know him, too. But I don't. And I don't know what's true. Please, send me YOUR truth. I want to know the TRUTH."
About three weeks later... that truth came to me... in the person of the Son, the Holy One of Israel, my Lord, JAHESHUA MISCHAJAH (John 14:6; 8:32, 36). He did not come alone. Two voices actually called me - I won't go into great detail about that event but let's just say I ignored them both several times (I was thinking either I was losing my mind or being toyed with by "demons"). One voice, a very kind, gentle voice, asked me several times, "Why don't you answer?" So, finally I did. And the rest is history.
From that day on I absolutely have had a personal relationship with God... by means of having a VERY personal relationship with His Son and Christ. Who is the Holy Spirit. I was told that both were present (and there were two voices, so...) but when I asked if I could speak to God and ask Him some things, one of the voices said, "No one comes through the Father except through me." When I asked who HE was... he said, "I am the Christ." When I asked why he was there, he said "Because you asked for me." When I denied that... he took me back to that day in the KH... to the instant that I actually had asked... for the "Truth". Ohhhhhhh... And so I asked the Son if I could ask HIM... and he said that I could ask him anything. And he was right. I've only asked one question in more than 15 years that he could not answer at the time. He since answered, however, almost 15 years later.
Since then, I have learned both of their names (when He first spoke, the Father said, "I am the One known to you as "Jehovah" - I since learned that is NOT His name, at all!)... and how they think (with some limitation as to the Father, of course). What they did/do and did/do not do. And so much more.
Why me? I asked and my Lord said it was because I had faith... enough to respond WHEN they called. I had called their bluff... pushed through my skepticism... and answered. When he told me that I had such faith, I first became very sad. I thought, "Well, if I have faith... where in the world is the REST of folks?" I was thinking about Brother So and So, and Sister Thus and So, and Elder Whatshisname, etc. It actually frightened me. I got over my fright, however, and actually started to get a little cocky - "Hey, I've got FAITH!" To which my Lord cautioned me and said, "You have faith because I gave you faith, child." So, I learned that while I had enough to hear the call and respond... that was pretty much it: he gave me what I needed to go beyond that (i.e., believe it WAS him and the Father... as well as put faith in what I heard from him after).
I am not alone - there are many others like me. Why don't they declare it as I do? Couple reasons: (1) I am just more vocal. (2) I am less concerned with being called/considered crazy (I don't fear man or what he says about me - I really am that secure in myself). (3) It is not glory from man that I'm interested in or seek (man's "criteria" is too high for me and it's "end" keeps moving, so I could never reach it, anyway); (4) I am a bit more foolish than most.
So, there you have it, the short version. I hope it helps, if for nothing more than to help you see that Christ, who IS alive... truly... does speak. So many give that kind of credit to Satan and demons... but not to the Holy One of Israel and Holy Spirit. Which is fascinating to me.
Again, I bid you peace!
YOUR servant and a slave of Christ,
SA
