How to tell my mom im moving out?? Need advice please

by cia112 23 Replies latest jw friends

  • cia112

    Why isnt it such a wise move to move in with the boyfriend? Many say it isnt a good choice, is it because of what might happen if it doesnt work out? but isnt a marraige like that? So no one should get married? Im really curious why? =]

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    Oh, how feminism has faded. I suppose it never reached JW land. In order to marry and have some likelihood of success, the people should be adults. Being an adult is not a chronological age or measured by reproduction but by acquired skills in the school of hard knocks. JW women, especially, are taught to be deferential. The Society does not value you. Men are wonderful beyond words. Unfortunately, our society teaches Cinderlla like dependence on them. A husband should not be a father. No one is endorsing not dating or not marrying. Rather, the sequence is important. Life is not easy. Being on one's own for a short while teaches life skills that cannot be learned in a marriage. I see so many codependent marriages that I want to vomit. Husbands and wives acting as if their spouse was their mommy or daddy. Watch them not be able to order food on their own. Watch I Love Lucy episodes. Husbands should be husbands and not your daddy. Financial independence is a necessity. A bf could be the best bf since the creation of the world but the problem lies with you, not the quality of your boyfriend.

    I can relate from personal experience that hearing a woman described as a nothing but a hank of hair and how amoral we were, oversexed while men were sexless angels (not really reality is it), wears you down. Wearing hats or hankies in the presence of a male does not promote self-esteem. When I was around your age, I wanted a man desperately so my status would improve. Leaving parental home is not easy. Investing in yourself by standing on your own two feet with help from an entire community is the best way to enter a committed relationship. Furthermore, marriage was much more ridiculed in the sixties than now. It was not hip. A classmate of mine in French at college was married. Every single time, the prof. called her "Madame" instead of "Mademoiselle" normally polite students just howled with laughter. Shacking up was preferred. There are legal and social consequences to not be married. Governments support marriage with a whole host of protections, not available to shacked up people. If women were the dominant sex in society, it would not be so crippling. It is much like being is slavery and then freed with no opportunity to learn all the skills everyone else learned while you were a slave.

    I ended up in a culture where marriage was postponed for education. People marry and finish college but , statistically, you do much better postponing. Postponement is advised, a temporary measure while you finish an important part of life. Boyfriends are not banned, shacking up is not banned (but it is unwise.). Rent is not a valid reason to live with someone. The divorce rate today is outstanding. Society must implode. The laws went from too strict to too lenient. Women bear the brunt of the decision to not fully grow up. All right, we never grow up. But you do approach it more strongly.

    Sorry if I vented. This is so crucial to me. I am on a soapbox. The men that were available after I acquired some polish were extraordinarily better for me. When you are young, there is no personal perspective of accumulated experience to give wisdom. Part of me is stunned that a woman in college cannot see this. J'a i fnis.

  • nelly136

    as long as you can support yourself without depending on your boyfriend then you should be fine, no pont trading one cage for another with no escape route.(always have a plan B)

    if youre not moving out until next year then there is absolutely no point telling her until youre ready to make your move, it could make life difficult and it could also make you suddenly homeless before youre ready.

  • VIII

    I totally concur with what Band just stated.

    Feminism is not a dirty word. Being self-sufficient, especially today, with the odds a marriage will fail, is critical. You need to learn to be independent and learn how to pay bills, how to set up a utility, how to shop, how to repair things, how to do all the things you more than likely will be doing on your own some day.

    And you need to finish college. An education from college should be your first goal, then a job. Then marriage and children. Being dependent on someone leaves you vulnerable to abuse.

    Please read people's comments and perhaps talk to a counselor at school. Or a trusted advisor.

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