Mamalove..it sounds like your ex is a very controlling type..I'm so sorry...
Hugs..Snoozy
I thought it wasnt bothering me. But it is.
by mamalove 21 Replies latest jw friends
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jamiebowers
I've been out for 23 years, and once in awhile my mom shunning me hurts. More often, it's just frustrating. But most of the time, I don't even think about her. Given enough time and distance from all things jw, it will happen for you too.
Do you think your ex is under the impression that he'll be free to remarry if you da or are df'd?
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satinka
mamalove
I have been df'd since 2000. I have two kids who shun me --- and a grandchild that I never ever got to meet, born this past summer.
For me, being "out" is perhaps about self-respect. In my situation, I concluded I must ultimately be true to myself. I could not live a lie and stay "in."
Now, I feel pleased that I am df'd because that is what it took to get me to move on to a new life of my choosing --- a much healthier one.
I moved to a new province, far away from the prying eyes of family and old congregation members, where I felt constantly watched.
I journaled about my feelings, my losses, my sadness, the injustices I feel were done to me in the name of God and Christianity by the WT religion/cult.
My best advice is to trust yourself and your own growth process. I try not to let the opinions of others shape me. Best to be true to myself, I have concluded.
I have a blog. If you want to see it pm me. I feel that writing about it --- publicly --- is progress, like "coming out" To stay silent on the issue is to condone and enable disrespectful behavior. Most of my family knows I blog about the jws being an incredible excuse for a religion. It doesn't bother me anymore... Until I think about my kids and grandchild who I can't see. So I understand how you must be feeling, mamalove. Missing my kids won't make me go back, though. Trying to force me back "in" to see my kids feels too much like emotional blackmail. I won't allow that.
The forum is here for you and I, dear one. Vent all you want. Write books, fill journals and trust the healing process.
You are among friends,
Love,
satinka
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Newborn
dearest mamalove
it comes and goes for me as well but I'm trying not to feel bitter even though it's hard
I'm trying to focus on how happy I am to be out
Your friend Newborn
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amicus
Seek truth.
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mamalove
Thanks for all of your replies. I appreciated each one of them and enjoyed reading how you cope when you get sad. Oddly enough I had a friend who lives in a different state contact me and try to figure out my status. I am sure she will be shunning now too...
I do think that I need to talk to a counselor and help me sort this out.
Jamiebowers, I think that my ex just wants some kind of retribution, and me having no label of DF or DA makes him feel like I deserve some kind of punishment, or finality. I don't think I have been staked out to try and establish any sexcapades, and I don't think my ex wants to get remarried. But he could, I don't know. Not many pretty sisters that I think he would be attracted to.....afterall, he contributed greatly to letting a good wifey go.... lol. Kidding a little here.
Satinka, I would love to read your blog, and will PM you.
Thanks!
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Billzfan23
Mamalove, you have a PM
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diana netherton
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I "lost" my sister last year
when she decided to become a JW again (after 20 something years.)
Suddenly, I wasn't good enough to be a facebook contact for her or
her children. Not only have I lost my sister but also my best friend.
We're only 22 months apart and share a lot of common experiences.
The only thing I urge you to do is keep telling yourself that it's not
your fault and you will make it through. There are plenty of people
out there and on this site who will become more like family to you.
Best wishes...
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mamalove
Diana, that breaks my heart. I cannot accept the fact I will be an old woman someday, and never know my sister. She is smart, beautiful, articulate...my dad says never say never, maybe she will wake up one day. Maybe your sis will too.
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sd-7
I think you can't help but be bothered by something like this. I'm only mildly irritated by my brother and sister-in-law shunning me. I rarely kept in touch with my cousins or my aunt anyway, so...not much of a loss there. I guess even if Mom started shunning me, I'd probably not care all that much. I reached a point where I didn't care anymore. I was willing to part with those people, if they were willing to reject me outright based on information that they weren't willing to consider themselves.
Whatever the case, there are better things to do than worry about them. Could be they know, beneath the surface, that something's wrong. But for now, we just have to endure. "They'll hate you for it, but that's the point of Batman. He can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make--the right choice."
--sd-7