Spoof the Watchtower Contest?

by Ding 14 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Ding

    We have seen time and again how the GB comes up with a strange doctrine (such as not celebrating birthdays) by citing something in the Bible (the beheading of John the Baptist) and then claiming that the "connection" makes their teaching "biblical."

    This got me thinking about how easy and fun it might be to create any "Bible teaching" by this type of specious reasoning.

    I thought it might be fun to have a JWN contest to see who can come up with the most Watchtower-sounding rationale for a screwy doctrine of their own creation.

    In another thread, I wrote a short satire on how the GB could come up with a "biblical reason" for preventing JWs from going bowling by noting that 10 is an important Bible number and then saying that knocking down 10 pins symbolizes breaking each of the Ten Commandments.

    If I had wanted to expand that nonsense into a Watchtower-style article, I would have gone on to explain the importance of the Ten Commandments and then spend several paragraphs denouncing all the evils of lawlessness, culminating with Paul's warning about the "man of lawlessness" in 2 Thessalonians 2:3. At the end of this exercise, I would have readers worked into a frenzy about the evils of bowling.

    Does anyone doubt that if the WTS actually did this, JWs would immediately stop bowling and start looking down on worldlies who do it?

    Can't you just imagine a Watchtower study where JWs dutifully answer questions explaining why bowling is so displeasing to God?

    Would anyone else like to poke a little fun at the WTS by creating a weird doctrine and writing up a Watchtoweresque "biblical justification" for the teaching?

  • therevealer

    Although this doesn't quite fit the thread it is a spoof. Taken from the March awake that is now posted.

    RUSTAM, who lives in Russia, leads a busy life. In the past, he had some unhealthful habits but came to realize that he was paying a price for them. He stopped smoking and overindulging in alcohol. Still, long days in front of his computer left him feeling lethargic. Although Rustam started work at eight o'clock in the morning, he rarely felt fully awake until ten, and he was often sick. So he made an adjustment to his routine. He became one of Jehovah's Witnesses and quickly qualified for and took advantage of the opportunity to Pioneer (preach full time to his Russian buddies) The result? He was thrown into prison and reports that "In the last seven years, I haven't taken more than two sick days a year," and "I feel great-awake and alert-and I enjoy life!"

  • agonus

    Few here can top the masters of self-parody that are Splane and Co.

  • therevealer

    Yes agonus - my first thought was why waste time on that when We could just list off what they have already done themselves.

  • Scully
  • bottleofwater
  • White Dove
    White Dove

    I just posted a thread last night about schizophones being for true Christians.

    I hope someone can make a spoof of that one.

  • Ding

    I had no idea we had so many Writing Department apostates on the board!

  • miseryloveselders

    My bets on SD-7.

  • Darth plaugeis
    Darth plaugeis

    Bottleofwater that is my fav spoof.....cause I came across that on my first "Internet look at JW's" after I left.

    And at first...... I took it Serious LOL.

    How about an Article about how Left Handed People are Cursed People by God.

    Maybe how Nimrod was left handed and since he was in opposition from God ....... so too would his Offspring!

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