Okay here we go. Sorry if its long and boring, but not a very good story teller, (guess that’s why I wasn’t very good at the door to door!
Grew up as a somewhat normal kid from a divorced dysfunctional family. Was baptized United church, however went to seven day Adventist bible camps on summer holiday visits to my mothers. Growing up I never ever had heard of, or even seen, now that I think of it, any JW’s. First one I met was in grade 8 at school, seemed normal enough.
After graduating school in British Columbia, I moved to central Alberta to work in the oil patch. Met my ex wife in 82 at an eviction party she was having at her apartment (to many other parties). I new she was a witness as my mother had warned me to not get involved (mother always disliked JW’s). Of course I never listened, as it appeared that my ex had left the religion based on her current life style. Found out later that not so as she was called to a meeting with the elders and warned of dating an unbeliever which seemed to upset her. Her family was a half and half witness family, mother, 2 daughters were, dad and 2 sons not. In fact her mother for many years was the elder of the cong. As no males’ qualified.
We were married in 83 in what you might as well call a jw wedding. First off, she would not get married in a church as she said her mother would not attend, so we were married by a jp in a park in town. Thus begun my life of compromise to please her. Next at the reception, no toasts allowed as it was against the religion. Later on I found out that in order to calm her nerves before the wedding she had smoke a joint of marijuana, as all good witnesses do I guess. The wedding dance was also interesting, half way thru my mother and grandmother went looking for her and found her in her weeding gown, laying down drunk in the grass outside the hall, as all good witnesses do I guess. Needless to say the marriage was not consummated that night, which really didn’t matter as we had been living together for 6 months already, as all good witnesses do I guess. Of course all was hidden from her mother, yet my family new all of it and still accepted her as long as I was happy.
Married life started out okay, we enjoyed all that life had to offer, parties, friends, etc.until six months after we were married she had started to study again with her mother. Of course none of this was mentioned to me. I would go to work and her mum would come over and study away until I got home, at which time they would hide the books. After the birth of our first daughter in 86 she started meeting attendance again, or sooner for all I know. Once I found out that she was going and taking our child I got upset and said that if she continued that when she got home she would find the door locked and her stuff outside, of course idle threats on my part.
A few years latter, I was transferred to a small town in northern Alberta. First ones we meet there were a jw family that had friends in our last town. By this time I had somewhat mellowed and my ex and daughter were attending meetings full time. The cong. Had been started by this family when they moved there and the meetings were held in their basement which they had converted to a KH.over the next 2 years the cong. Was basically made up of 3 or 4 families and was a very tight and close knit group. The pressure wasn’t there to convert me yet, but there was always lots of cong. get togethers that I was always welcome at.
In 88 our second daughter was born. When she was 1 month old my ex had taken the kids and headed off to the Sunday meeting while I stayed home. No sooner had the left when I received a phone call from one of the brothers that my ex and younger daughter where at the hospital and I should go there immediately. What had happened was that when they had arrived at the meeting my ex was taking my newborn out of her car seat when they noticed that she wasn’t breathing and was turning blue. The elder from earlier took my daughter out of the KH and started mouth to mouth and started her breathing again. At the hospital a spinal tap was done and nothing was found. So she was loaded into an ambulance and transferred to hospital PICU in provinces capital 3 hrs away. Our oldest was left with the elder and his family and we headed off to follow the ambulance. The ambulance arrived there ½ hour before us so she was still in the emerg. Room when we got there. Moments latter the JW hospital liaison committee showed up to stress the importance of refusing blood if the need arose. (wonder how they knew). Not wanting to argue with them and the ex. I agreed, as I didn’t think the situation would present itself. Over the next week our daughter was on IV liquids and test after test were being done. This meant that the doc needed blood for tests, so every day they would take and take till her blood count dropped to critical levels and we had to say no more. Eventually she recovered with no one really knowing what happened. General consensus was that she had somehow got double pneumonia.
Over the next few years I developed a friendship with the elder and his family. One day he asked me if I had ever thought of studying? By this time I guess I was curious so agreed to start studying with my wife. We went thru the first book with me not really taking it serious. After I finished this book it was suggested that I start studying with a brother from the knowledge book. This was done and by the end I was going to meeting and so on and so on. I was hooked. Around this time a KH was quick built in town and even though I was not yet a JW, I was allowed to help out behind the scene with looking after food storage for the workers. I have to admit; when they put their minds to it they can sure get things done!
Jumping ahead a few years, after being baptized in 98 and doing the service thing, I started to fall into a depression, which was controlled with medication. By this time, families had started to move away and the cong. was struggling. More pressure was put on the brothers that were still there to carry on. So after being a jw for a very short time I was giving talks weekly, looking after lit. counter, looking after territories, opening prayers, all the time fighting with my depression.
More to follow
free at last
by epicurius 12 Replies latest jw experiences
-
epicurius
-
outnfree
Quite a story, so far, epicurius!
Looking forward to the rest,
outnfree
It's what you learn after you know it all that counts -- John Wooden
-
epicurius
And now the rest of the story.
Things got progressively worse. The last 2 elders finally moved away for various reasons. One moved about 40 min. down the road to a larger town where there was already 4 or 5 elders. This left the small cong. Of about 15 high and dry with out any guidance. For a while the elders from the above town would come and instruct the cong. At meetings, but this must of been to much of a task for them as that soon ended. kind of ironic that we read of others in foreign countries that would walk for hours to witness to others., yet these spiritual leaders couldn’t drive for 45 minutes to help their so called family in faith. It seemed to them that it was easier for the whole cong. To drive to there town and attend meetings there.This was when I really started to question things. If this was gods organization then why would he have a perfectly good brand new kingdom hall in a town of 2000 sit empty, having 4 families drive to another town instead of one or two elders join us? One good thing about all is that in the last year I don’t think I’ve seen any preaching happening here.
Around this time other things in my life started to happen. Someone from my past started to e-mail me and mess with my head. My ex wife found out and decided that this was unacceptable. Either I stop talking to this person or else. I declined and was told that we needed to separate. She said that I would have to start all over and start by courting her and taking her on dates! At this same time was when I was meeting with the elders and trying to free my self from bondage. Of course they wouldn’t let me go (we hate to lose you, your such a valuable brother blah, blah, blah).
Things seem to be falling apart, along with my depression. So one Saturday night I found myself downstairs in my bed with a bottle of scotch and a bottle of pills. I don’t think it was a suicide attempt, just a cry for help. Help is what I got all right. Sunday morning the ex calls the doctor and has me physically removed from the house and put in the hospital. of course she made sure that her and the kids still attend the meeting that morning. Spent two days in the local hospital without even a visit. After that the transferred me to a psychiatric ward 2 hours away, were I spent a month on medication and group counseling. In this space of a month she and the kids came to see me once.
She did call me a few times so that she could tell me that I would have to move out and get my own place. So on a weekend pass I took the bus back to town so that I could load up some stuff and move into an apartment. When I arrived there at 8 in the morning she had had the others in the cong. Load up what she figured I would need on to our pickup. I wasn’t even allowed onto the property, and most of the stuff was old junk that we where going to trash. It was at this point that I decided that it was time to end my marriage of 17 years.
To make a long story short, she got custody of the kids, most everything we owned including the house, and I got the clothes on my back,7 months off work on stress leave and the right to see the kids for 3 days every 5 weeks.
So now the mind games started on the kids. Since I was no longer a jw, to them I was a dirty sock, as they had learned about at the dist. Conv. She would travel back and forth the 40 min. to the meetings with others from the cong. With the kids in they back seat. Her and another sister would talk about how she really wanted to make me pay for all that I had done to her. The other sister would tell her that’s ok he’ll get his soon enough at Armageddon. She would also tell the kids that they had to live with her and stay witnesses because if they didn’t that she would not be able to see them because she wouldn’t be able to afford to visit them (she’s already moved them 3 hours away to another town), and that it would literally kill her if they weren’t living there. And that if they where with her that they had to stay in the “truth” as she wouldn’t have any dirty socks living under her roof.
So here we sit, my youngest has adapted fairly well and enjoys the brief visits we have. My oldest has come to visit me probably 3 times in the last 7 months and says that every thing is my fault and that I ruined her life. Of course with everything that my ex received materially it still wasn’t enough as we are still fighting over possessions. so much for non materialistic witnesses.Shes even hide some of the few things that were to be mine at other family locations.
The way I look at it she can keep all that stuff, as my main concern is to reestablish my relationship w2ith my kids and to some how get them away from the clutches of this cult.
Thru all this I have had highs and lows where I just want that bottle of scotch and pills, but I’ve managed to keep on fighting. I’ve met a wonderful woman that was in the hospital at the same time as me and our relationship is growing stronger every day. Plus my youngest just loves her and with any luck may eventually come to live with us.
The road to recovery is long and hard but with will power and new friends it will be a destination that one-day I will arrive at.
-----------------------------------------------------------------It is impossible to live a pleasant life without living wisely and honorably and justly, and it is impossible to live wisely and honorably and justly without living pleasantly. Whenever any one of these is lacking, when, for instance, the man is not able to live wisely, though he lives honorably and justly, it is impossible for him to live a pleasant life.
Epicurus