marrying jw

dorian

hey i have a questio i am a non jw and i would like to marry a jw that is disfelllowshiped because of me any help possible

Well, there wont be a problem unless he want to be reinstated. Then he's a brainwashed moron whom you should not marry anyway. Obviously this not guy is not "strong" in the WT teachings if he's already involved with a "worldly" girl. So keep him him away from the hypocrities, give him lots of head, and doante blood every 8 weeks.
Shalom!

DanielHaase

ok..dont know what happened with my last reply...I wasnt that drunk...sheesh. I know i can type better than that...

Guest 77

Dorian, do want help or suggestions? In your situation I can only say, God help you. Suggestions? Hmmmmm, when emotions over ride reason, hmmmm, it's a trial and error situation. If your both willing to accept the bumpy ride, yeah, why not try it, it may like it. If you don't like bumpy rides then I suggest you get on the next horse and ride out of town. I hope you have a sense of humor.

Guest 77

indireneed

The fact is, it all depends on what the ex-JW wants out of life. A real JW would not marry a non-JW. It is forbidden, although it happens a lot.

If you marry, and your significant returns to the fold, then your life will become very difficult. You will have to learn either to be JW or you will have to come to terms with completely opposite world views.

If you marry, and your significant other does not want to return, then your marriage will likely be strengthened by the fact that they made a decision to be with you rather than with an organization.

Just remember, it all depends on whether you feel marriage is right. If so, go for it. Talk about it first though - lay the ground rules. Explain that you will never by a JW and thus if he or she returns, you will have no part of it. That way, it is clear up front. And mention you will not let you kids be raised JWs.

Frenchy

Dorian:
Indireneed gave you some good advice. Proceed slowly with this one. There is real and ever-present danger that he will return to the fold one day. This is especially so if he has family that’s in there. If and when he does you will not be received kindly by the congregation unless and until you become one of them. If the last part does not seem ‘so bad’ to you, I suggest you visit this board a little longer.

indireneed

Just a point to add to Frenchy's good advice . . .

If the worst were to happen and your mate would return to the fold, your isolation will depend on the congregation in question. I spent a lot of time going to meetings with my wife before I decided I couldn't stand it any longer. However, they elder who we were friends with is still a geniunely nice person to me and listened to my reasons calmly and cooly. He is an excellent person, and I stopped going without a bad taste in my mouth as many others have.

Just remember, that it is a religion, although very controlling, and there are good and bad people. Just be ready and understand all the intricacies of what they will try and get you to sign in on.

Some advice - sit down and read Crisis of Conscience together. Plus, read a few other books together that take a neutral view on JW history. Don't read inflammatory, hearsay books, as they might convince your mate that everyone is out to 'persecute' the JWs.

Firm yourself up - it's better to understand first than to understand too late. I scrwed up - I didn't understand what my wife was getting into, and now I will pay for a long time. Hopefully, in the end, things will get better. But its a hard struggle.

CPiolo

dorian:

Every situation is unique and therefore it is often difficult to give advice other than to proceed slowly and be cautious, good advice for anyone thinking about getting married. A forum such as this is no substitute for advice from a mental health or counseling professional.

What forums like this are good for is for offering insight and sharing experiences. You then can weigh what others have said and apply it to your situation as you see fit.

I am a non-JW married to a JW, and I can tell you it has caused serious problems in my marriage. However, I can't say that you'll have the same problems as I or that the same things will bother you or that you'll find intolerable that bother me and that I find intolerable.

What you should consider though are many things about the JW religion that alienate and put JWs in direct opposition to most who are not JWs. Your love for this person may be such that you can give up or tolerate these things. Not knowing either of you or if the person you want to marry wants to return or how deep is the indoctrination and mindset, there is no way for me to say.

Some things to consider:

Blood - Are you planning on having childeren? Will you allow these children blood transfusions in an emergency? Are you willing to watch your mate refuse a transfusion in such a case? This is a complex matter and I suggest you research it thoroughly and work out any difficulties with you potential mate before marrying. Here is a good place to start: . http://www.ajwrb.org/

Holidays - Are you willing to either give these up or celebrate them with out your mate?

Birthdays - Same as holidays.

JW perspective regarding Non-JWs - You mate will participate in an organization that is of the opinion that all non-members are of the world of false religion, the world of Satan the devil, and no matter how nice, kind, compassionate, caring, loving, kind and moral, and are not to be trusted. They are anxiously waiting for Jehovah God to sweep down out of the sky and rein death and destruction upon all of us non-believing, worldly people. While many Witnesses are good people and may not fully believe all that, they are still part of and actively promote the organizations point of view and agenda.

Time - If your potential mate returns most of their free time will be spent in organizational activities (attending meetings, preparing for meetings, door-to-door preaching, assemblies, conventions).

Friends and social life - JWs, for the most part, socialize within the group. Considering their view of outsiders, this is not surprising. You and your potential mate could have entirely different social circles and activities.

Rules - The Witness religion is full of unwritten rules and these effect their relationships with others. See: . http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=17270&site=3#212409

See: . http://www.freeminds.org/psych/victor.htm for a discussion on family dynamics.

My suggestion to you is to research, research and research. Talk with a mental health professional knowledgeable about high-control groups. I would also suggest pre-marital counseling to iron out any difficulties the two of you may have as a couple before taking the plunge.

Best of luck,

CPiolo

P.S. If you think you potential mate isn't going to return to the Witnesses, be careful. My future wife told me she would never return, only to do so at the first sign of difficulty in her life. The indoctrination is strong and runs deep. Be careful!

CPiolo

Some suggested reading material:

Combatting Cult Mind Control
by Steven Hassan

The True Believer : Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements
by Eric Hoffer

Cults in Our Midst
by Margaret Thaler Singer

Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism : A Study of Brainwashing in China
by Robert Jay Lifton

Crisis of Conscience and In Search of Christian Freedom
by Raymond Franz

CPiolo

dorian

well i dont know really what else to say all i know is that when we are toghether she feels guilty of displeasing god and that just talking to me is displeaseing her god and she has this fear that something bad will happen i am really just trying to understand how raveled her mind is or how to unravel it or something then her mother said why dont i just get her pregnant then she would have to marry me but besides that the mother cheated on the father and the are witnesses and the father cant divorce the mother becasue he waited to long to find talk to the quote on quote brothers and now he cant but thats besides the point any info??

marrying jw

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