my blueprint for saving my family

by Evidently Apostate 11 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Evidently Apostate
    Evidently Apostate

    for over a year i have felt the borg is a cruel hurtfull religion that would swallow up empathy for forced unity. my wife has said to me that telling her how i believe the org is NOT gods channel and the many doctrines put in place are nothing but a shroud covering up control tactics is like telling her i have a terminal illness. this has not swayed my research nor has her pressure to continue going to meetings. i have never shown her any "apostate" sites or printed material as i feel this would turn her off and possibly bring out a negative response and even though some heated discussions have taken place i have always listened to her, tactfully pointing out the flaws and coldhearted tactics by the org and her supposed friends employ. this has slowly allowed her to piece together her own doubts and i feel anyone as ingrained as my wife into this religion must search for themselves without pressure. i say these things not to brag, just to lay out my gameplan to anyone that might be able to use it themselves. lately our children have been given several birthday party invites and when she tells me about them i ask her why she thinks they are so bad that our children bear the pressure and personal responsibility of holding up doctrines and gods righteousness based on simplistic interpretations not direct commands from the scripture. this approach over time(asking questions rather than giving answers) has produced more benefits for her than any article from freeminds or any other site(she is not ready for them yet). in the past months she has stated "i dont know what to believe anymore, you do not believe in it". i have always avoided running with her statements and choose to let her continue or i will say" i just have some problems with the lack of love in the org and have proven to myself that brooklyn bethel does not have divine authority" siting known examples.

    well yesterday she and i were talking about the birthday invitaitions again and a few other things and she just broke down into tears and looked up at me (i was working on a ladder) and calmly said " i get it now, you make scense and i dont know what to do, everone seems programmed". i swear i almost fell off the ladder, she continued and told me how talking to her mother about being more caring and less judging of her grandchildren has only proven to her that love is second to unity in this org. i gave her a big hug and she said she dosent know what she belives anymore and i responded " you have always lived by love and compassion, that is enough" ( i dont know how i though of that as fast as i did) i also stated i do not know all the answers and just want us to be a happy family.

    so hopefully we can begin our slow fade and maybe soon i will introduce her to this forum. i want to stress to members that are still with believing JWs that i pray for you and sometimes become emotional when i read your pain and in no way want to gloat or offend you, maybe this post can be encouraging


  • Ding

    Very good.

    Questions are the best approach because you can't TEACH a JW anything that isn't approved by the FDS.

    I think it's good to begin with little things because we don't yet know how much our JW friend / relative can handle.

    Their reactions to our questions help us gauge where the other person is.

    They also are good for modeling how to think for yourself.

    Once JWs start doing that, they're on their way out.

  • Evidently Apostate
    Evidently Apostate

    ding; thanks i expect we will be going through many difficulties and setbacks similar to others on this forum. this forum has become a form of therapy to me sometimes times its just from reading different ones stories. ironic how pain and healing are universal.

  • leavingwt

    Please hang in there. I know it's not easy.

  • 3dogs1husband

    AWESOME!!!!!! I have my husband, and this time of REAL freedom, has been the best time in our 12 years! we are so close right now, I would never thought how freedom can transform a marriage!!!!

    Keep it going!!! LOVE

  • GrandmaJones

    I admire your approach, and the self-control it has taken to do this a tiny, tiny, step at a time. I have been off the board for the last couple of weeks due to a family emergency, and am currently catching up on the things that have taken place. Congratulations on your success with your wife!

    I too am having success with a plan similar to yours, questions only, then listen, a brief comment, and stop. One of my grandsons told me the other day he will not be getting baptized, that he has doubts that the org is the channel through which god is working.

    My sister is coming along nicely with this plan as well. She will look at me sharply if I start a conversation (then I immediately quit) but she is beginning to share some interest in what I have said. She is openly admitting to beginning to have doubts herself. I think it will only be a matter of time with her.

    I would strongly advocate your approach. I am so happy for you and your wife. I can see that this will change your life.

  • brotherdan

    That's been my problem, EA! Thank you for your example. I am going to struggle to do the same. The way my personality is, when I see something wrong I just say, THAT'S WRONG!

    But I'm going with your approach. The problem is that we never talk about religion. But I want to set up a family study where we can be in an environment where we DO talk.

    Your success is so exciting! I hope I can do the same. Same goes to you, Grandma Jones!!!

  • Honesty

    I am very happy for you.

    I tried the same approach with my spouse.

    It didn't work.

    She remains a dedicated folower of the Watchtower Society.

    I left the denomination.

  • pat1060

    Maybe your wife has been having doubts longer then you may realize.....and your thoughts just made it more clear to her. It is very painful when you finely realize it isn't the truth...Good for her,good luck to you....

  • Evidently Apostate
    Evidently Apostate

    gramdma, i am truly happy for your success, i wish my grandma helped me by seeding doubts years ago

    brodan, i was thinking of you as i typed this, your a man of conviction and emotion not unlike myself. good luck with your wife she will come through it will take lots of time, and no matter where you two end up your children will always have thier dad.

    honesty, i am sorry it did not work, hopefully life is good for you

    3d1h and leaving , i hope to get there someday

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