A Lengthy Introduction

by Bitch on Parade 34 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Bitch on Parade
    Bitch on Parade

    Hello, my name is Lauren and I'm somewhat new to the forum. I've looked around here before but never bothered to make an account. So, here's my story, biography, or what-have-you detailing my experience with the Jehovah's Witness cult.

    My grandmother was a JW and my mother was raised as one. All of my aunts and uncles abandoned "the truth" and estranged themselves from my grandmother, and my mother spent 20 years living a "wordly" life. Many times when I would go to visit my grandmother, my mom would tell little anecdotes about how horrible and repressive it was growing up in the cult. But, that all changed when my father became very ill and she decided she needed religion in her life. When a JW finally knocked on our door (they had all assumed the century-old house, which had not been renovated, was abandoned) my mother took it as a sign from God. My father, being agnostic, threw a fit and put up a nasty fight trying to keep me and my sisters out of the cult, but after he died my mother moved us across town and started homeschooling us and taking us to meetings.

    With no friends from my past school remaining in contact, no internet, and suddenly being surrounded entirely by Jehovah's Witnesses and bombarded with books and information, I sucked up everything I was learning like a good JW brainwahsed robot child. But, it didn't take long for me to start recognizing conflicting ideas, brainwashing, and the strife that was always behind the scenes in the congregation. The destructive nature of the cult and the constant cycle of meetings-study-field service-repeat and isolation began to make me depressed.

    When I was finally able to go to school, the depression lifted, but my situation worsened. I wanted to date, hang out with friends, go to birthdays, be allowed to use my laptop in my room instead of "a common area", all of the things that would make up a "normal" American teen's life. Additionally, in an effort to break away from my mother, I was a bit of a mallgoth the first two years of high school. This lead to bitter confrontations with my mother, which eventually landed me in a mental hospital during my sophomore year (age 14).

    As a child, I was diagnosed with ADHD and would see a psychiatrist every now and then for an Adderall prescription. My mother, concerned with my mostly black attire and affinity for "dark" "depressing" things, told my psychiatrist that I was deeply depressed and a danger to myself. Now, not only was I a danger to no one but I was also most certainly not depressed. Angry and saddened by my situation, yes, but I was not depressed. I was not even present for the psychiatrist appointment in which it was decided that I would be going on Prozac. Not wanting to be drugged down any more (I was in the process of getting myself of ADHD meds) I naturally declined meds. That's where things got nasty. The psychiatrist informed me that I would be going on meds or else I was getting committed. So, a few days later, I was put into a mental hospital. With no history of violence or self mutilation, and a generally happy and sane outlook on life, I was only kept for two nights and one full day. When I got home, my mother informed me that she had taken the stereo and tv out of my room, deleted all of the music in my itunes, changed my phone number, burned my sketchbook and art portfolio, thrown away my jewelry, and disconnected the landline. She was also convinced that I had brought demons into the house via "demonic music" (Slayer!) and demonic imagery (skulls, etc) and that I myself was demonized (she managed to terrify my then 10-year-old sisters enough that they were afraid of me and demons for about a month) , and there were two elders sitting on the couch in the living room waiting to interrogate and berate me upon my arrival.

    Funny thing is, without taking any meds I managed to graduate salutatorian and not try to kill myself or anyone else.

    I'm currently 17, and still being forced into this asinine lifestyle. I turn 18 in a little over a month (46 days!), at which point I am moving across the country where me and my high school sweetheart are building a house with his father on his father's farm. My sisters are now 12 (they are not baptized and neither am I) and absolutely hate this religion and what it has done to the family and are counting down the days until they can move out as well. I am thankful that all of my family except for my mother has avoided the trap of the Watchtower, but I am saddened more each day that we have lost our mother to this cult.

    (Forgive me if my grammar is off, for any typos, and for any confusing parts, I didn't proofread this)

  • Darth plaugeis
    Darth plaugeis

    I hope things turn out the way you hope.

    Welcome BOP

  • cult classic
    cult classic

    BOP - welcome

    Best wishes with your plans. Hopefully you can keep the lines of communication open with your mom and family. Family is important. Since you're not baptized, there's less pressure to perform.

    You're very young. Are you sure you want to move so far away to be with your boyfriend? Proceed with caution. You can have your freedom in a number of ways.

  • Ding
    Ding

    Welcome to the forum!

    If you make this move, will your mother cut you off from your sisters?

  • Bitch on Parade
    Bitch on Parade

    Thanks, Darth Plaugeis

    Cult Classic: My mom cut off ties with all of our non-JW family, so her and my sisters are really my only family. And I do not want to remain in contact with her, at least for now, I don't need that in my life right now.

    I feel like I know my boyfriend very well and that we have a great relationship and that I love him very much. We've been through hell trying to stay together in secret, and I haven't seen him in months since he's already moved and it's wearing me down. He's very outgoing and makes friends easily and wants to get me out to make friends, which will hopefully help me with my crippling shyness (My mom said she was the same way until making a similar outgoing friend who introduced her to people, and that's what I should do... if only she knew, haha) Also, there's not anything for me here, no friends, no job, not going to school, etc; and I would love to stick around where I'm moving to even if we don't work out.

    But I do have much reservation, as you pointed out I am very young and I am concerned that my vision is clouded by my lack of experience and that my motivation for moving away with him so soon is driven more by the fact that I want to get away from my mom. I can't wait to leave, but I also wonder if I'm making the right choice.

    Ding: She has actually tried to cut me off from them before, while we were living in the same house! But, my sisters have secret Facebooks where we can stay in contact, so I'm not worried.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Wow. You have done really well. I wish I was astute as you when I left home at 17, unbaptised.

    Forty years after I said goodbye to the dog and disappeared, I have learned how to deal with them when they bring up religion, but it took me a while. They now know that I don't see them as having any moral high ground, that I think the WT has proved itself to be a false prophet, and that if they want me to join their church, they are going to have to answer my questions, the questions that I should not have been discouraged from asking, under threat from their killer god, when I was a child, and that the answers have to make sense to me, the Curator of the Egyptian section of the British Museum, Maths teachers, English teachers, the Pope etc. and that any attempt to weasel their way out of answering my questions will exposed for what they are.

    It is a strained relationship, but it's better than nothing.

    I hope your sisters don't get bullied into baptism before they escape.

    Welcome to the forum

    Chris

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep
    My mom cut off ties with all of our non-JW family, so her and my sisters are really my only family.

    Don't let that stop you from contacting them. You might be pleasantly surprised if you show up and tell them your story.

  • Scully
    Scully

    Have you considered contacting Child Protective Services and reporting your mother for emotional abuse?

    Convincing your younger siblings that you are demon possessed sounds to me like she is more dangerous to them than you could possibly be.

    Trashing your possessions and isolating you is abusive as well.

  • Bitch on Parade
    Bitch on Parade

    Chris: I would say that luck has come into play in my situation more than much effort on my part.

    I have no idea how to deal with my mother when she brings up religion or preaches at me. I feel complete and unadulterated anger, and force myself to keep my mouth shut. Being 53 and having been raised in the truth, with no friends or family outside the org, she seems to be past all hope. So, questioning or confronting her isn't even worth it. She sadly is no longer her own person, everything she says lately seems to be a quote from a WT publication.

    She is always going on and on about people who "shack up," and I can only imagine where her opinion of me is going to stand in a couple of months. She gets along pretty well with my boyfriend's dad, who's going to be present to help me move out, so I hope he can get her calmed down so that the move out isn't too traumatic. Depending on her reaction and if she cuts me off entirely or not, I really want to send her a few emails every now and again, kinda letting her know what's up, maybe sending her some pics of how I'm doing. She's my mom after all, but I can only see her telling me something straight from the Sunday meeting every time we talk and I absolutely can't deal with that in my life.

    As far as baptism goes, my mother knows where we stand as far as our opinion of Jehovah's Witnesses and has stated that she won't make us do it. She's never even brought it up other than to state that. She seems to have resigned herself to the idea that we are escaping, yet she still takes on this "you will do such and such while living under my roof!" mentality and forces us to attend and live by the rules. They have at least another 6 years under Watchtower control, and I feel horribly guilty about leaving, as if I'm abandoning them.

    And about contacting family members, I've managed to get in touch with an Aunt from my dad's side via Facebook, but when I told her my tale of woes she said "I'm sorry you feel that way." She is not a Jehovah's Witness, but a very strict Roman Catholic and I get the feeling she thinks I'm just some rebellious atheist.

  • wasblind
    wasblind

    Good call Scully

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