Anyone any profound experience?

by bez 16 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  bez

  Since leaving the borg a couple month back i have as some of you know seemed to get lower and lower. My friends have slowly but surely drifted and we (my hubby and I) are treated very much like 'apostates' now and have been tried to be shoved out by them trying to get us to da ourselves. And now i feel quite lost and am really struggling.

  At first I continued to pray to God, believing he was listening and I could draw comfort from the inner peace i seemed to feel??? Was this just my imagination? After the last few weeks and peoples continued 'rudeness' and obvious gossip about me and my family, I feel like I really cannot pray and i am wrong to. I dont know if thats because if feel there is no point as there is no one listening to me as there is actually no one there anyway. (and i feel bad feeling this way, after clearly knowing the scripture in Hebrews 6 about the one approaching God must believe he is ... and the rewarder of prayer..etc).

  Im just lost. I dont know where to turn. And dont know if God is listening to me or indeed if he really exists, as nothing in my life at the moment seems to be going right at all I know when i was in the org, at times i would fool myself into thinking i was doing the right thing by God, but guess i always had these moments then too, so i just am left questioning if anyone really is up there listening to me????!!!!!

  I dont know if i am just waiting for some miraculous windfall that would come in the way of a million pounds to get me set off in a different direction in life, or what, but i do feel like at the moment all i want is to feel peace, and no more bitterness against the org. At the end of the day, i know we made this choice for our family, an i knew people would take the stand they already have done. I guess i just did not expect it to affect me so bad. And i know they do this as some sort of a sick blackmail to get you back to the org. and it would not work on me, but it doesnt stop me wondering where i can turn.

  I hate feeling this way. My question to anyone is, do any of you have any experience that assures you that God is your friend and is listening to you and is blessing your life right now?

  Thanks Bez x
• 

  funnyface

  I can only tell you my experience .I wanted to kill myself when I was DF

  but seeing a young boy walking towards me ( he would have seen me
  jump under the bus) ....I am so happy I didnt.Because I went to a convention
  of ExJw's & they suggested I might like to invite the REAL truth into my life
  of course I thought they were nuts.... But figured what the heck!!! Try it
  How was that to be done???? Just ask JESUS CHRIST to come into me,to
  be MY LORD & Saviour,I did that & VOILA!!!!! I can honestly say I feel as
  if I started from day one!!!Born Again.
  So if you dont mind.....I will say
  "Heavenly Father you know this persons heart. You tell us that is what
  YOU examine,,,,HEARTS!!!! Please be with BEZ help her/him to KNOW you
  as YOU KNOW her/him I ask this in the Name of JESUS,the NAME above ALL others AMEN"
  God bless Mouthyhttp://exjw.weebly.com/
• 

  oldlightnewshite

  I'll be honest with you, even during my strong periods 'in the truth', I never really thought that god heard my prayers. I used to delude myself into thinking that it was the same for everyone. As an example, I had several opportunities to further my career and make a lot of money, while telling Jehovah that I could work less, and do more ministry. Basically, I could make a fortune on commission, and have triple the amount of time available to pursue theocratic goals, and contribute a lot to the KH fund. Absolutley nothing happened.

  I've had to put up with friends sending me to coventry, and family giving me the cold shoulder. I can't say that I wasn't bothered by this, as, like you, I knew fully what to expect. I'd say it's just plain old depression that you've got. You need to fill your life with interesting things to do. Meet new people, and realise that 'worldly' people are just people. Originally, when I left I had this idea that I wasn't going to associate with worldly people. I needed to just get in touch with reality.

  I can't advise you of spiritual things, as I'm now an atheist. However, I really do marvel at life, nature, our planet, and how damn lucky I am to be alive. I like to read books and watch programmes about nature, history, science, anthropology etc, and it's enough for me. I live in a really beautiful part of the earth, and sometimes when I go out for walks in the mountains, I'm left breathless at the beauty. Maybe you can find your spirituality somewhere else other than a book.

  If you want someone to listen to you, just come on here. Some people just rant, and it does them a power of good

  x Oldlight
• 

  snowbird

  I hate feeling this way.

  I know the feeling. I felt like such a fraud and a failure after my nervous breakdown in 2005.

  My question to anyone is, do any of you have any experience that assures you that God is your friend and is listening to you and is blessing your life right now?

  Yes, I had a close-up encounter with the Lord the same year of my breakdown. I felt His reassuring Hand on my shoulder, and I've been ok from that time forward.

  Thanks Bez x

  You are welcome AND I'm praying that you will receive healing.

  Mouthy, that prayer is so touching.

  Syl
• 

  EndofMysteries

  For me this is the ultimate test of faith AND a step up/test/refinement by God.

  Consider these things...........

  1. With this freedom, what will you choose to do. He may allow you to show your true self, and also what your faith in him is.

  2. You've went from being told he doesn't do much with personal lives, no direct communication, etc. Maybe now you can see if he is guiding your life, or learn if he is guiding you in a direction or not.

  It's hard, very hard, as they say the path is narrow and crooked. Once you begin to feel his direction and embrace it, it gets a lot easier. Any hard times your going through right now, are training and refining. I can look back and see how my sufferings have made me a better person.

  I've also been getting the spiritual food I've been craving for years! I'm learning soooo much, everytime I open the bible, more then I can handle. For years I was clinging and hoping for new light, new understanding, updates on the outdated prophecy understandings, now he is opening them directly to me!

  "Call to me, and I shall answer you and readily tell you great and incomprehensible things that you have not know." - Jer 33:3

  It's also kind of scary, because I'm literally learning GREAT and INCOMPREHENSIBLE things I've never even heard of before! All of what's going on right now, is fairly new to modern day mankind. We are in a sense the first of what's happening right now, because it defies what most all religions teach it's members, but it's also bible truth. Did Charles Russell learn all he did because God just picked him, or did he have a desire and really seeking it out, and he was getting some insight from that? He was limited to his research, had to read books, didn't have the resources of the internet and able to access as many books, translators, and do 'word search', he was doing the right thing though. If it never became locked down where only him and the GB are able to understand anything, cutting off the 'true' faithful slave all over the world from allowing God's spirit to direct them, them being CHAINED again when supposed to be free, then by now there would be blinding light from millions doing whole hearted research, a combining of that.

  Truth is truth, and when on the right path, what you think something means at first, may be a step in the right direction, even if not true, but once get the full truth, there is no variance of it.

  Your lost because there is no human you can really turn to. Perhaps some who can help guide you in the right direction, but you need to get a personal and real relationship with God, and you CAN have one!
• 

  MMXIV

  Hi Bez,

  They are doing this to punish you. It's not right, it's not loving and I don't believe it's from God (although I'm kind of in a similar place to olns with regard to my beliefs so I have no experience of where you are now).

  You have gone through a huge upheavel and you'll be feeling all sorts of stresses as a result. Your decision to leave the JW's was about being honest, to yourself and God. This was about doing the right thing - it's certainly not fair you should suffer for doing that. That's what I do know.

  A £m would bring a smile to your face though wouldn't it?

  mmxiv
• 

  bez

  lol mmxiv, yes it sure would!

  Thank you everyone for your replies!! Im truely touched! Funnyface i will check out your link when i have picked my little girl up from school. Your experience sounds really familiar. I once read of someone else saying this prayer and having the same experience. I would love to feel it work for me too!

  I am greatful for this site. I really do not know where i would be if i at least didnt have here to come and rant. I have even felt like ringing the London branch and venting my frustration at the whole sham! But i know that would not get me anywhere and thats all they want so i just want to keep a dignified silence while still feeling in touch with God ...

  Thank you all again love to you all Bez xx
• 

  Chalam

  I dont know if i am just waiting for some miraculous windfall that would come in the way of a million pounds to get me set off in a different direction in life, or what, but i do feel like at the moment all i want is to feel peace, and no more bitterness against the org.

  Matthew 11:28-30 (New International Version)

  28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

  1 Timothy 2:5 (New International Version)

  5 For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus

  John 14:6 (New International Version)

  6 Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

  Ask Jesus.

  Get a new bible for free http://www.biblegateway.com/ choose anything but the NWT!

  When you read aks the Holy Spirit to teach you John 15:26, John 14:26, 1 Corinthians 2:14

  Blessings in Christ,

  Stephen
• 

  Markfromcali

  This may not be immediately helpful, but if you just have it in the back of your mind as you continue to process and reflect on things it may help to make sense of things as you go on.

  I appreciate your honesty about not knowing what to believe. If the existence of God can be called into question, then it is certainly reasonable that the nature of God or what is thought of as spirituality can be questioned. I can share an experience that even others feel was profound, but it doesn't fit into the way you framed the question at the end of your post, but neither is it about atheism. You see, God or no God sets up your mind to make a decision about belief in a particular idea when you don't need to go one way or the other on it, it's a form of reductionism and a false dilemma. And if there is one area that reductionism does not make sense it is when it has to do with ultimate reality.

  True freedom is not comfortable. If we win the lotto things would be easier, but from another perspective that is another form of dependency. If someone was capable and resourceful, though they can always make more money even if they lost everything today - and the same goes for beliefs. Being honest and humble would involve being truthful, even if it means admitting to yourself that you've been wrong about everything. As you know this may put you in a bit of a distraught state, but we can't go back to believing in lies can we? The way through is to go forward. If you're interested in what's true, then if you honestly don't know you just don't know. The peace you develop this way may take time, but with that attitude you'd know it is true peace, rather than just believing in another idea someone else told you.
• 

  tec

  Bez, just stay strong and keep your faith. I know that sounds trite, but I go through periods where I feel lost and unclear about many things in regards to my faith. I can start to get really down. But at some point during each of these times I am given such a wave of love, or peace, or clarity to wash over me. My joy and peace is immense, and I know that He is there, helping me and refreshing me when I need it.

  So now I trust and wait for that when these times come upon me.

  Peace and strength to you,

  Tammy