and so it begins... what next?

by bez 29 Replies latest jw experiences

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  bez

  My husband had another 'phone call' last night from the congregation po... the conversation went something like this....

  po " i do not want to put words into your mouth but are you saying you no longer want to be recognised as a jw?"

  hubby " I am not making that statement no... cut to the chase what are you getting at"

  po " I have been informed you celebrated (child) birthday"

  hubby " I wouldnt call it that, we just simply recognised she was a year older"

  po " And you are goin to celebrate xmas..."

  To which my husband questioned where he got his info from.. turns out my mother (who i may add has not spoken to us about it at all, and jsut chosen to run straight to him and inform him of our new life.

  The po acknowledged we had been having doubts and said that bascially by researching anything other than the publications while having doubts was looking at apostate teaching and would therfore mean we were apostate. He reasoned that (as hubby had told him that some in the cong already with the exception of a couple had not spoken to us for months) that these ones would probably have taken this stand becuase of some of our 'apostate' ideas.

  To cut the long story short, he ended by saying that there was nothing more to be said .. and an abrupt goodbye.

  I rang my mother straight after and she said admitted to speaking with him, I asked her if she wanted me df'd so it would give her her excuse not to talk to me again (As she has never really had a close bond with me anyway). She said no she would have hoped it would bring me to my senses. I told her that it had not worked and we would not be df'd. She said she did not want anything to do with us anyway and she had made that decison last week, as our lives are no longer in harmony with what we were brought up to believe and dedicated our lives to! But she still wants to see her grandkids!!!! WTF!

  So i am thinking now what is gonna happen next. I have read on here experiences of ones who have been d'fd without even having a jc!! Could this happen to us.. on the basis of a 'bad or brazen attitude'? I know that is a reason for d'fing as my father was not df'd for the offense, he was actually df'd for his attitude, as he dared to question some of the crazy random differences with one congregation to another.

  As my hub did not clarify that that is what we were saying (about no longer being recognised as jws, as he was obviously doing so he could get in the announcement at the kh) I wondered if he could now df us anyway? Anyone any ideas at all?

  You may wonder why i am even bothered, but i do stil have my best freind who is a jw, and has remained neuteral to my deicison to leave, but had i have been df'd it, she knows it would make it awkward for her and she obvioulsy would not be able to have contact with me (mainly for fear of what her family who are in the 'truf' would say. And of course any repercussions that her associating with a df'd person would have on her).

  Just wondering if this can be done without a jc.. what next? will we be left alone now?

  BEZ
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  Think About It

  Just wondering if this can be done without a jc.. what next? will we be left alone now?

  Not knowing your PO or elder body it's hard to say if they will just leave you alone. The odds are they will continue to pursue it and pester you. No doubt you will be watched closely during the holiday season. There is freedom in not caring what they think, do, or say. Good luck.

  Think About It
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  bez

  Thanks tba. I did wonder about our being watched at xmas. :( just really want to be left without the fuss, its so wrong !
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  CuriousButterfly

  As far as I know the new flock book is not out, so the elders should not be aware of this brazen attitude. Some have given advice to lay low and not answer the direct questions but that you are both going through a tough time and battling depression etc. This is a sticky situation but if they think you may celebrate christmas I am sure you will be getting drive bys.
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  carla

  Sorry for all you are going through. Why would grandma think she could see the grandchildren after her behavior? If you decide to allow her to see the kids, do all you can to protect them from the cult and the comments you KNOW she will make about you dying, etc.... If it were me, the only way she would be allowed to see them would be in my home and in my presence at all times. I would not leave her alone with the child for any amount of time, have a trusted family member or friend there if necessary. YOU set the boundries before she comes- no religious talk whatsoever, no talk of the kh or people in it, etc... She wants to see the kids? then be a real grandma and play games, bake cookies, play ball, etc.... no need for her cult talk in front of innocent children. If she can't abide by that then she can't see them. There are countless older people who would love to have adopted grandchildren to spoil.
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  Black Sheep

  I'm a never baptised kid, so my experience is slightly different.

  I have made it very clear to all involved that it wasn't my choice to be brought up in this church. That was my parent's choice. They knew that the WT had failed prophesies before I was born and they chose to sweep them under the carpet.

  They chose to raise me in a church that shuns it's children if they no longer believe the doctrines. That was their choice, not mine, and they have to deal with the consequences of that choice. They have to decide what price they are prepared to pay for their choices. Don't put it on me. I was just an innocent kid. I knew nothing about gods that they didn't tell me, and what they told me ............... failed.......... and I rub that in. Them and their WT failed and if they want to BS me I can grab books off their bookshelf and turn to the relevent pages and prove it.

  They are guilty as charged ..... and if they want to prove otherwise they can get their books out and prove it. Not just bully me.... get the actual book out that proves that I am a liar and read it to me, or STFU.

  We have an uneasy truce. That's better than nothing I suppose.
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  WingCommander

  You're toast. The deflection of the PO's question + the fact that your own MOM turned you in, and the X-Mas thing pretty much means you'll be DF'd in abstentia.

  Since your asshole friends have shown themselves to merely be assholes and not friends by not speaking to you in MONTHS, I'd say you're not going to miss anything.

  And your mother? Let the JW's take care of her in her old age. She'll soon find out all about "Christian Love" when they cart her traitorous ass off to the state old folks home!!!!

  And on letting your mother see her grandkids? Why, so she can poison them and talk all kinds of bad shit about you behind your back and try to turn them against you? Screw that......she made her bed, SHE can lie in it. Dumbass. That takes some balls to even ask that question and think that you are really gonna allow it? Hahahahaha!! Again, F*CK HER.

  I think you already knew all of this, but you wanted to hear it from others. Consider this your confirmation.

  - Wing Commander
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  funnyface

  I mentioned to a Brother about 1914
  I said I would see him & others later for service
  The elder said ."so you dont believe 1914 is correct"?
  I said NO! he said I should NOT go out in service that afternoon
  Two brothers? came to see me told me I must believe that ,
  as it was JAH's dates not theirs.....They offered to study it all again
  with me. I said No,they told me I would be DF,I started crying asked
  what if I kill myself,one of the Brothers? shrugged his shoulders.
  I was df two weeks later.so yes you can be df with out an hearing
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  Lozhasleft

  Bez - I feel so bad for you...its a horrible cult with such nasty methods...I would guess they'll pester and call a JC if they can...remember some of the phone calls they make are taped too....if I were you ( having lost my kids ) I would keep yours well away from your mum and the WTBS influence and tell them that you believe it to be harmful to your kids, no question. Have you thought about DAing? There's no easy answer to this, sorry.

  Loz x
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  miseryloveselders

  The po acknowledged we had been having doubts and said that bascially by researching anything other than the publications while having doubts was looking at apostate teaching and would therfore mean we were apostate. He reasoned that (as hubby had told him that some in the cong already with the exception of a couple had not spoken to us for months) that these ones would probably have taken this stand becuase of some of our 'apostate' ideas.

  This is the clincher sorry to say. Correct me, if I'm reading too far into this, but more than one person has not spoken with you because of your apostate ideas. In judicial speak, that means you've been not only holding onto ideas contrary to what the WT teaches, but also spreading those ideas.

  po " I have been informed you celebrated (child) birthday"

  hubby " I wouldnt call it that, we just simply recognised she was a year older"

  This as well is a clincher. I like your hubby's Johnny Cochranesque reply, but the PO has a clincher with this as well. They can reason by your actions you've already disassociated yourself. I've never heard of or seen how a birthday celebration would play, maybe another Elder or former Elder can speak on how this would potentially play out. Me personally, I'd say they'll treat this the same as they would if it was confirmed you knowingly accepted a blood transfusion.