Since reaching middle aged adulthood, you ever have moments of uncertainty that frightened you?

by miseryloveselders 36 Replies latest jw friends

  • miseryloveselders
    miseryloveselders

    Hey Noble, you might be right. I know I posted that I've been able to walk between both worlds, but at times it get hard. I struggle somedays worse than others. No easy solution though. Life is about struggle I guess. It wasn't meant to be a cakewalk. Thank you for the sentiments, I appreciate that especially on a night like tonight. Lonliness is tormenting my soul tonight.

    Poopsie, thanks for asking. Had I responded when you originally posted, I would have said, I guess I'm ok. Right now though, I'm not doing too hot. I just got back from a book store. I swear when you browse a book store, you realize how much in life you've missed out on. Thirty something years of my life dedicated to a pseudo Christian book publishing company. It hurts me to think they got the best of my family and almost got the best of me. They might still get the best of me depending on how I play my cards. Its not right, but its life I guess. Again, thanks for asking though.

    Hey Lil Witch, I just got back from Macys and Barnes N Nobels, and I was behind a black BMW that could not figure out what they wanted to do regarding parking spaces. I was furious!!! While i was in a parking lane, I noticed two lanes over, there were empty spaces, so I wanted to get over there, but I'm stuck behind this BMW. So I honked the horn, and raised my arms like what are you going to do? So they pulled over so I could get past them. When I passed them, I noticed it was a soccor mom on a cell phone. ARGHGHGHGH!!!!!! Being honest Little Witch, I am unhappy tonight. I was unhappy when I picked my screen name, hence the adjective, Miserable. Jeez, its been over a year now since I picked that name, and the only thing thats changed is I'm now consciously miserable. This life is a pathetic existance. I bought Christopher Hitchen's God Is Not Great tonight. I probably wouldn't have done it on any other day, but tonight I had a moment of weakness, and its time to explore all sides of relgious arguments. Like I mentioned before, when browsing a book store, you realize how much you've not been exposed to in life as a born in Jehovah's Witness. Walking through the History section, the True Crime section, Graphic Novel section, Science section, Math section, etc.. It hurts, I've been living in a bubble to some degree.

    Cult Classic, I swear reading your posts, its like we're one in the same. It amazes me how many of us have had the same experiences, or are going through the exact same emotions at the same time. Its amazing. I'm going to have to browse your threads again. Thanks for the thoughts. You're right, we dont know jack.

    You Bethel monitors, if you're reading this, do me a favor. Tell your superiors up there, you got me good. You really did a number on the first thirty years of my life. You better hope I don't lose all my beliefs of whats right and wrong, or lose my conscience. Because if that happens, I'm going to pay a visit to you in New York. I promise you, its not to tour your facilities.

  • poopsiecakes
    poopsiecakes

    awww misery...the past is the past and there's sweet F all you can do about it. Wasting your now regretting your before is a vicious circle and changes nothing. Instead of seeing what you've missed, embrace what you'll do and move forward. You're still young and there are decades to enjoy, learn, laugh and love. Don't waste a minute of them looking backwards. Trust me!

  • flipper
    flipper

    Watching a few pubes turn white when I got in my 40's , I briefly had a panic attack . However my composure quickly returned when I realized I was still quite active

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    Hang in there, MLE. I think your mind and spirit is going through a split. You know it's not "the truth" yet you hold on to a position of power, making yourself an object of attention amongst all the JWs you know. It's a form of hypocrisy, and maybe your subconscious is trying to tell you that.

    You are still young, you still have a lifetime ahead of you. Don't despair. Be thankful that you don't have a wife and family to worry about getting them out of the WTS. You are free to live as you choose.

  • JimmyPage
  • EmptyInside
    EmptyInside

    I'm going through something similiar right now. I think it might be a combination of realizing half my life is wasted waiting on the new system. And the anxiety of trying to play catch up and not knowing where to start.

    I did have a bit of a panic attack Thursday and still feel shaky a bit inside. So you aren't alone.

    Maybe after getting enough rest this weekend and a couple of strong drinks, you'll soon be feeling better.

  • cult classic
    cult classic
    You Bethel monitors, if you're reading this, do me a favor. Tell your superiors up there, you got me good. You really did a number on the first thirty years of my life. You better hope I don't lose all my beliefs of whats right and wrong, or lose my conscience. Because if that happens, I'm going to pay a visit to you in New York. I promise you, its not to tour your facilities.

    ROFLMAO

    LOL Flipper and JimmyP

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