thanks Oracle! I really try to stay courteous and change the subject quickly. It works. But yeah I do need to stick to my guns. I've never been good at lying (good Jdub training right there.) and I've always have had a bad habit of telling on myself if really pressed. Lately I have been really busy with the new school semester and work but they don't need to know that either i guess.
Reverse Shunning
by gutted 27 Replies latest jw experiences
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The Oracle
no worries lil.lady03,
another big thing is getting to the point where you realize that your conduct (staying away) should not be categorized as worthy of "telling on". The truth of the matter is - you are doing nothing wrong. In fact - you are doing the RIGHT THING. By staying away. You are doing the COURAGEOUS and NOBLE thing by staying away.
It would be easy to give in and go back to attend, to keep them happy and keep them "off your case". But that would be an ignoble, and dishonorable course.
As you say - it is better to be honest. You have come to realize that the JW religion is not the truth and you can probably see the damage that it causes in families with its policies. You probably have seen the depression it causes in members. It's not just another religion that is "innocent".
You are doing the right thing by staying away! Good luck to you with everything. It gets better and better as time goes on and although you may miss some individuals you will never regret your choice.
There will be lots of support from new places and people that you have not even experienced yet. The world is a big place with a lot of loving, caring and intelligent people.
Cheers,
The Oracle
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VampireDCLXV
Yes, I do it to the "friends" in my former congo and others. The way I see it, they were 'pretend friends', not real at all. You all know what I'm talking about. Their so-called love was as phony as a $3.00 bill and I never should have believed it. There probably are ones on the inside who still care about me and I regret having to hurt these ones but as long as they stay inside the borg, I'll have nothing to talk about with them. My door will be open to any that leave and are determined to never go back. (One of the prerequisites to proving that to me would be for them to sign up here. )
I will never turn my back on my family, even if they would do that to me some day; I just hope the hell that never happens. (Seems almost inevitable though. )
V665
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Snoozy
I shunned my JW husbands family after he died. They were JW's and obnoxious ones at that. They loved to talk about how everyone was going to die unless they were a JW.They also loved to tell my hubby that god would give him a new wife after I died at armageddon because I wouldn't come back..course they were counting on him outliving me.
After hearing that for so many years it was a blessing to finally be able to shun them.
Snoozy..who misses hubby terribly but loves the peace..
Life is good.
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LongHairGal
As an almost ten year 'fader', I have done reverse shunning on a number of occasions when in public. As some here have said, I don't want to hear the usual stupid 'we miss you...' and other 'encouraging' sickening comments. Some years back I made the mistake of chatting with a sister in a local mall. I don't need phony conversation with somebody who was barely an acquaintance and who could never relate to me. Come to think of it, there were people I shunned even while I was active. I made a wide berth around them because they were either controlling idiots or troublemakers.
The only time I don't do reverse shunning in public is if the person was somebody I liked or was somewhat friendly with. I would NEVER go out of my way to say hello to anybody who was a stuck-up idiot or troublemaker in the religion.
The reality is that enough time has passed and I have gotten on with my life and have to worry about myself. These people just don't figure in my life.
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LisaRose
This isn't really shunning per se, it just you choosing who you spend time with, nothing wrong with that. I have choosen to limit contact with my sister. After decades away, she went back to the org in order to have contact with her grandchildren. I had no problem with that, what are you going to do, but she started drinking the kool-aid and now it's hard to be around. She hasn't shunned me (yet), but the last time I saw her she drank to much and tried to convert my never-a-jw husband. She has also tried to talk me into going back, when I've made it clear to her that I would never, ever. It was scary to see, her turning into this brain washed robot. At times, she seems to ignore reality, to fit everything into the JW script. So I don't think of it as shunning, if she showed up at my door, she would be welcome. But I've limited the oppurtunites for interaction, just for my own sanity.
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ToesUp
I thought I would bump this thread. It is an interesting topic to me. Has anyone successfully done this to their family and friends. I have...it's great! -
Phizzy
My JW family do not actually shun me, though relations are cool to say the least. And so I keep things as normal and as warm as they will allow, I would never shun my family, I would not have done so if they were DF'd when I was an active JW, so will not do so now.
But a few times recently when encountering various JW's in the Supermarket who we would have counted as close friends whilst in, I have ignored their presence.
I don't do the obvious JW type "shunning" that makes it plain it is deliberate, I just carry on whistling and shopping as normal as though I have not seen them. If they don't like this, they could always approach me couldn't they ?
I really do not wish to pass the time of day with them anymore, I have nothing in common with them.