If you sent this in to the writing department it wouldn't surprise me if spent a couple years in a cabinet or desk before somehow finding its way into the Watchtower. This is spot-on. There is nothing to distinguish this from a real Watchtower article. Same writing style. Same strained "scriptural applications". Same policing all aspects of a JW's life.
Loyalty Keeps Us Morally Clean
by sd-7 29 Replies latest jw friends
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Libelle
This whole thing is a spoof?? OMG I was reading this and getting all worried that The Mr would be reading this soon!!
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sd-7
Would it be alright to make love if you do it while listening to a publication from the Faithful and Discreet Slave's? (ie. Revelation - It's Grand Climax at Hand on MP3.)
Dear Brother:
We have received your inquiry. No doubt many of your Christian brothers may have similar concerns. Rest assured that we deeply appreciate your expressing them. In regards to your question, we suggest you review the study article "Loyalty Keeps Us Morally Clean" with your personal copy of the Bible. Carefully meditate on the material provided by the "faithful and discreet slave". Since clearly, this article warns about the dangers of sexual intimacies within marriage, there can be no circumstances that would negate the uncleanness of the act.
Please seek the guidance of your local body of elders if this matter troubles you further. We hope you will make a full spiritual recovery in time.
Your Brother,
sd-7
If a married couple has two children, should that count as two witnesses to their sin? What sort of loving discipline is appropriate for couples who selfishly put their own interests ahead of Theocratic spiritual activities?
Dear Brother:
We thank you for expressing your heartfelt concerns about the cleanness of Jehovah's organization. This shows that your heart is sincere in maintaining loyalty and moral uprightness in a corrupt world.
In regards to your first question, it would be unreasonable to hold married couples accountable for their past sins, no doubt committed before they had an accurate knowledge of Jehovah's requirements. Increasing light such as our recent article, "Loyalty Keeps Us Morally Clean", has often presented a challenge for some. However, those who are humbly repentant will most assuredly be forgiven by Jehovah. (Ps. 86:5; Acts 2:38)
However, there are some who may choose to disregard this seemingly new counsel about marital intimacy. For them, the Bible gives us this instruction: "Is there anyone sick among you? Let him call the older men of the congregation to [him]...And the prayer of faith will make the indisposed one well, and Jehovah will raise him up. Also, if he has committed sins, it will be forgiven him." (James 5:14, 15) Of course, for those who do engage in uncleanness, James 5:16 must be kept in mind: "Therefore openly confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may get healed." Such confession should be made to the body of elders, and it is they who will handle such matters in harmony with the principles set forth in God's Word.
The Bible makes clear that those who unrepentantly practice uncleanness "will not inherit God's kingdom." (Gal. 5:19, 21) Thus, those taking the lead have been given appropriate instructions from the Governing Body as to how to deal with cases of uncleanness within the marriage.
We hope this response will strengthen your faith and that you will continue enduring in service to Jehovah.
Your Brother,
sd-7
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sd-7
How about an update? Are you still attending meetings with the ball and chain?
I never went back. I thought about it for the sake of the marriage, but decided it would be too much to handle, to actually pretend that it's not an illusion. Tragic insanity is needed to actually write something like this article and make it seem serious again. It helps me realize just what kind of monsters were turning the wheels in this machine.
Haven't been to a meeting since March 28th. Elders asked if I wanted a shepherding call, through the missus. I explained to her that they of all people should know the answer to that question, and that my business with them was concluded.
Tomorrow is my wife's special assembly day. Good for her. As for me, I've got sleep to catch up on. It's going to be a bit of a rough 16 hours ahead. Just wanted to address everyone's questions appropriately. Take care.
-sd-7
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Nathan Natas
This is an amazingly well-done parody. Like others, I was reading it with eyes wide thinking it was for real, thinking, "Hol-eee crap!"
Kudos, dude!
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scotinsw
When you said you were going back I wondered if we would ever get to ready one of your great satirical parodies. Thanks for brightening up my day.
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MMXIV
You ever thought of starting your own cult?
...I just don't have the charismatic presence to pull it off...
cyber-cult? Then you'd never have to grace anyone with your presence.
The writing committee are without reproach because they're anonymous but they're stuck in the 19/20th century. You could continue your anonymity. Think where the WTS will be in 100 years and beat them to it. You could have a great following via your SD-7 Kindle with weekly downloadable sermons, daily reminders for the days text and, if you wanted to be just as controlling as the WTS, GPS tracking so the whereabouts of all your flock could be monitored at any time.
Great thread
MMXIV
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mimimimi
Love it! I may print this off and send it anonymously to some witlesses.
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FlyingHighNow
Morally clean: saying evil things to your depressed son so he dies of a broken heart. Yep, that's clean alright.
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sd-7
Ah, and the plot sickens...back to the top with ye! And none too soon, for next week, in harmony with this counsel, my wife and I will have been free of the uncleanness of marital intercourse for a whole year! This has helped us greatly to focus more on spiritual matters, leading to rich rewards. How thankful we have been for this timely counsel!
--sd-7