A JW MOTHER'S SO CALLED LOVE

by elm 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • elm
    elm

    Before I tell you my story I just want to say thank you to everyone on this forum for their sometimes funny,and sometimes sad, and sometimes very thought provoking posts, it has helped me a lot.

    My family, which consists of a younger brother and a younger sister and my parents. We began studying with the JW's as a family (mother's insistence) in the mid 1980's.

    I was then 13, my sister 12, my brother 7, my mother thought she found the answer to all life's problems and became fully brainwashed, and hence if we wanted to be a happy family we had to all become JW's, and so because we were young and mainly to keep our mother happy we all became JW'S.

    All I can say is my parents life might have been, happier but mine was far from happy. I left home as soon as I could I was 16.

    My sister at 18 got married to a Jw, and they bought a house and settled in to married life, when my sister had her first child at 19 her son was 6 weeks old when my parents moved into their home for a few weeks, while their new home was ready to move into.

    During their stay in my sisters home they all got on really well despite a small house and no room to move. My sister was really pleased that her new husband and her mam were getting on well, she could often hear them laughing, while she was cooking the tea or feeding the baby.

    Then 8 weeks later my sister's whole life was blown apart. My sister at 19 was brought before 3 elders in a small room at the kingdom hall, she was terrified, and did not know what was going on. They started to ask her questions about her husband and her mam, and then asked if she suffered headaches a lot. My sister still did not know why they were asking these questions and began to cry, no one comforted her. eventually they told my sister that her husband and her mam had slept together, and that her mam had come forward and confessed and showed repentance.

    My sister's husband and my mam was never DFD. My so called strict JW'S mother told my sister that she should take comfort that at least her husband had slept with her and not a complete stranger.

    My mother also told my sister that her husband had raped her. My sister knew that this was not true because the affair went on for 6 weeks.

    All this happened 24 years ago. My sister and her husband had 2 more children but the marriage lasted for a few years and eventually they divorced.

    My mother and my sister have not really spoken to each other since. My sister has not been a JW for 20 years, and also my brother.

    What really gets to me is my mam who is still a JW only 2 weeks ago told my brother who has never known what happened, the story of her being raped by my sister's ex husband.

    This has affected my sister all her life, and I try to help her the best way I can. There is two things I dont get One if my mam was raped and apparently she has told the elders this, then why did they not go to the police?

    Two if the elders did not believe my mam ( because my sisters ex was never dfd) then why is my mam still allowed to go around telling people that she was raped.

    I think this is so wrong and she should be stopped from doing this

  • coffee_black
    coffee_black

    Welcome to the forum, elm!

    What a sad, terrible story. How did your Dad react to all this?

    Coffee

  • CrimsonBleu
    CrimsonBleu

    This story makes me tear up.

  • 3Mozzies
    3Mozzies

    Oh my, what an awful story!

    I still can't believe JWs think they are 'above' or 'better' than so called 'wordly' (non JWs) people.

    They commit terrible sins, yet because they repent (by words only) in front of an elder (window cleaner) this so called religion pretends to remain clean... yeah right.

    Trying to make sense of this religion Elm, will only give you headaches.

    Welcome to the forum

    3Mozzies

  • serenitynow!
    serenitynow!

    Wow elm that is such a sad story. It does not surprise me that they never got d/f'd. I hate to deny a person when they claim to be raped but is it possible that your mom is just saying she was raped to the family to avoid taking responsibility, but in the JC admitted to adultery thereby avoiding being df'd? Regardless, it's very sad. I hope your sister can move on with her life.

  • hotspur
    hotspur

    I found it all rather incongruous.....

    How come she admits to being raped and he (the rapist) gets off scot free? Even if repentance is the theocraticâ„¢ situation there is still a criminal case to answer.

  • WingCommander
    WingCommander

    Wow.......your mom must have REALLY been a hot piece of ass for that guy to want to do his wife's mom. Guess he was really into MILF's.

    What's really messed up, is that someday the grandkids are going to find out that their father humped their grandma. Sick yo!!!

    SAD.

    - Wing Commander

  • elm
    elm

    Hi Coffee, thanks for the welcome,

    My dad I hold nothing against, he is a wonderful man, he stood by my mam and still believes her to this day.

    Hi 3Mozzies, I agree with what you say my sister and I are dfd because we stopped attending meetings (another story), but my mam still thinks she is better than us because she is not dfd, she believes whole souled that she has a better standing with Jehovah.

    Hi Serenitynow,.. I fully believe that my mam is lying about the rape, to make her feel better. You don't sleep with someone for six weeks then decide its rape, and my sister can now look back and remember the times that they were laughing together up stairs in the bedroom while my dad was at work. My sister, being a very naive 19 year old with a new baby thought and was pleased that they were getting on well together (too well).

    Hi hotspur,.. I agree that a crime has been committed but only by my mam, she has lied about the rape, I do not say this lightly she is and always will be my mam twisted or not I love her very much......I have also just found out that the elder that took our bible study, after about six months my mam accused him of fancying her I was sat in on that bible study and saw no evidence of this.

  • elm
    elm

    Hi Wing commander ...........I have seen other posts by you and you are very straight and to the point I for one like you for it.

    But you are right its the children that will suffer in the end and not just because their dad slept with Gran, but she is accusing their dad of rape not nice.

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    When someone lies to themselves long enough about an event, it becomes their belief. Belief holds stronger in the mind than truth does. My educated guess is that your mom doesn't think she is lying. She may have known it was a lie at first but at this point she probably believes it.

    You're not alone. There are many here who will comfort you.

    At this point, perhaps it is better for you to focus on comfort for your sister instead of justice against your mom. She'll get hers as we all get ours at some point. If your sister is still hurting from this, she needs your love and probably some professional help, too.

    Good luck to you both.

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