Bad time here

by Decided 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • AudeSapere

    Ken -

    You sure have had a rough few years. I have no answers for you but feel your pain.

    Didn't both you and your grandson have some pretty significant health concerns, too?

    Nice to see you post today. Sorry things have been so difficult.


  • wannabefree

    I have an idea what you are going through. There are good days ahead, don't forget that.

    My philosophy from my favorite movie ...

  • I quit!
    I quit!

    Hi Ken,

    Sorry to hear your having such rough time right now but there is strength in numbers. If you and your step kids all work together for each others benefit things should start to work out. I don't know that much about depression but I do know if I stay inside all day I can become somewhat depress. I always feel better when I go outside for a walk or do a little yard work. Watching violent or negative programs on TV can cause depression or just watching a lot of TV in general tends to increase depression.

    Don't feel alone. I've seen a lot of families having to move in together to make ends meet these past few years. This is the worst economy in decades but at some point it will get better. One of my favorite sayings that I try to keep in mind when things aren't going well for me is: "This too shall pass"

    I wish you all the best Ken.

  • Scully


    Haven't seen you around here in quite some time. Sorry to hear of your troubles.

    It's very kind of you to help your children, grandchildren and great grandchild. However, please don't let them USE you. Your adult children, especially, should be contributing to the household to relieve you of some of the burden of their care.

    I know you're getting up there in years, and it's easy to get sucked into the trap of feeling as though you are required to help your relatives and not ask for anything in return, but you aren't doing yourself or them any favours in the long run. You're covering expenses for food, shelter, electricity, water, and perhaps other stuff you haven't disclosed here - maybe you help them with babysitting, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and that takes a toll on your finances, but it also takes a toll on your time to do all those extras to help them out, with no benefit to you. And right now, you need to benefit from the things you are doing to help them.

    Could you perhaps, sit down with them, explain the financial straits you are in, and let them know that you cannot sustain the current living situation on your own without some financial input from them. You've taken on the financial burden of housing FIVE more people, and that is not fair to you particularly if you are on a fixed income as a retiree. You've had health problems and the stress of this is not good for your health either.

    Think about it, please. You deserve better than that.

  • Darth plaugeis
    Darth plaugeis

    The old saying you can't get BLOOD from a Stone... is true.

    I went thru a very similar situation and was overwelmed and VERY Depressed. I was watching History Channel about life in the Roman Empire.

    And how they had the same problems with debt and collection and these people died over 2000 yrs ago and no one cares that Pompielus owed Demituaura 29400 today. It struck me I wasn't the only one who went thru this..... why lose sleep over it. It is stress full!!

    But the Whole WORLD it seems is going broke..... so why are you so different you may feel. Every Collector I talked to makes it feel like you are trash for falling behind!!! Well they are well trained so that must MEAN.... it wasn't people like US ...... they'd be out of WORK!

    Keep calm

  • Decided

    Thanks for the thoughts and suggestions. I'll get through it someway. I wasn't thinking properly when I got in debt so much, well my wife is the one who got herself so far in credit card debt. She has always been so good at keeping her financies in good shape, but she went overboard in helping her family so much that it finally caught up with her. She was working but lost her job a few years ago and didn't realise her debt. We will see what hapens.

    Ken P.

  • yesidid



  • Lozhasleft

    Aw Ken - we all have these bloody awful times - but you know - nothing stays the same, so, it will get better....

    Loz x

  • skeeter1

    First, speak with this group, . They are recommended by Clark Howard. They are a credit counselor. They may be able to reduce or help you pay off some of your debts, especially if they are more than 30% of your gross income.

    Second, speak with a bankruptcy attorney in your state. Bankruptcy is a federal law, but state law is used to somewhat to measure what you need to pay and which assets you can still keep. For example, Florida residents may be able to keep their Florida home if they can pay the first mortgage. But, the second mortgage can be wiped out if the house value is upside down. In Florida, Social Security and earned income up to $500 a week (if you take care of dependents which it sounds like you do) can be kept away from certain creditors.

    If you don't have the money to hire a bankruptcy attorney, then call your State's Bar Association. There are pro-bono attorneys who work for legal aid socieities.

    And, you can't do all of this alone. Please tell your family members your worries and troubles. Ask for their help and assistance. Then, give them something tangible to do. Even, if it's just mowing the lawn or paying the garbage bill. Everyone must stick together; and develop a working relationship.

    You ever see Suzie Orman at CNN? She's the money guru with the weekend money show. "Can I Afford It?" Anyway, she's been dirt broke a few times in her life She rose from the ashes, and so can you. It's about empowering yourself and taking baby steps each and every day. You will feel better, even if it's just making an appointment with the credit counselor or an attorney. Then, the next day you can gather all your credit card statements and bills. Next day, write down in order who you owe, how much, and interest rate. The credit counselor and attorney will need this information.


  • skeeter1

    Suzie Orman has a book, "Money and Women". It's a must read for your wife. It discusses the psychological reasons women overspend and go into high debt due to wanting to care for the family; as well as serves as a personal financial planner book. It will help both of you, but especially your wife.



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