Will Disassociating myself be the same as playing by their Rules?

by onemore 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • wantstoleave

    I guess disassociating works for some because it is a clean break and give them a measure of closure. Being disfellowshipped ultimately means you were kicked out whether you liked it or not, like someone else said 'fired'. That in itself shows to the congregation that you were deemed not good enough, not loyal enough or submissive and repentant to be a member and must've been doing something 'evil'. I think I'd prefer disassociation if I had the choice, meaning I was taking control of the situation, of MY life and not being dictated to any longer. But I understand that for some that is not what they would choose. Having said that, I am currently just fading and haven't come to any decision what I will eventually do.

    You have to weigh up your personal circumstances and what is best for you and your family. Making a clean break sounds good in theory but either way, there will be backlash in some way or another. I wish you all the very best x

  • teel

    It is a personal decision. Here's my take on this, but this is just my oppinion:

    I feel I am no longer part of that idol worshipping cult, so there's no need for the DA letter - my joining was a symbolic one (baptism, not a signed contract), so my departure is also symbolic - total shedding of any JW related ritual (meetings, WT study, FS). Also I feel that they have no authority to 'fire' me, because they were not vested with such power. With the JC they are only playing a power game they can only win in their minds, because they have no power over me.

  • blondie

    I don't understand how da'ing or being df'd is a clean break. The elders are directed to visit da'd and df'd jws once a year so the contact will not be over. I know some elder bodies disregard this or tell the CO they made the visits when they did not, but you have no idea. The break is really in how you mentally and spiritually view the relationship.

  • wobble

    Good point dear Blondie, I seem by accident to have made a cleaner break than many DF'd and DA'd folks .

    My reputation precedes me, so nobody calls , and my Super-Uber-Dub family don't talk religion with me (too many questions they cannot answer)

    I think in some ways, as above, a fade is better, but do what you feel , and don't give a s**t about them , they don't matter.

  • Quirky1

    Blondie, I am not DA or DF and not one person has tried to contact me in over three years...

  • blondie
    The elders are directed to visit da'd and df'd jws once a year so the contact will not be over. I know some elder bodies disregard this

    After 8 years, we were visited this year and we are neither da'd or df'd but others have been visited on this board. It depends on the elder bodies; but the possibility is still there. That's why some people have had to resort to restraining orders to get the elders to stop "visiting."

  • wantstoleave

    "The break is really in how you mentally and spiritually view the relationship".

    Yes, that's what I was getting at . For some that break will take much longer than others.

    It's funny, back in the late 90s when my family just stopped going to meetings for about 3yrs (didn't abandon the faith though), we never had one 'shepherding call' or any bros or sis visit us. We never much liked the congregation, but I know my father was very upset no one 'cared' about us. After all, he was also chronically ill (still is) as well as having OCD, and had young children who could've done with assistance getting to meetings/field service by congregation members.

    It was only by MY example did my family get back on their feet. I trudged along to every meeting I could - alone. No one sat with me. No one encouraged me. I was not invited out with the young ones. I did it completely alone, even though it upset me greatly. Eventually after years, my mum started making more of an effort and then I was baptised. Sometimes I cringe thinking back and how I could've safely gotten out of the 'faith' back then .

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