Thanks for letting me vent. It's been quite sometime... I've had a baby and been moving around for months because of my husbands job (14 flights since the baby was born) and now that I have time to breathe, I need you again.
My Mother and I have been on the rocks for years! Before my DFing. Shes always been manic and selfcentered. She didnt speak to me for most of my pregnancy but then she came around a bit and I was sure to let her know that I have no desire to be reinstated. I didn't want her to be able to pull that card.. It was very take it or leave it. I stayed with her for over a month not to long ago whil my baby was 2 to 3 months old and aside from one small argument about religion it was a fairly good visit. sort of..she used me as a free babysitter for my 6 year old brother and had me doing all her cleaning and laundry while juggling new mommyhood. I love my brother, but it was hard with a newbaby and a 6 year old. She did treat me like a human though. We went to the mall, went to lunches etc. then....
I moved to meet up with my husband (hes in a school for work) then flew back a few weeks later to go to her wedding. I knew what to expect for the most part. I did it anyway. Trying to be the better person. When her new husband landed in the state she started her act. She began by blatently not introducing me to my new step sisters and trying to snatch up my baby to happily introduce her. I said "no". She told me one day that she was going to get a picture of My grandmother, Her, myself and the baby outside of the hall before the wedding but not in the hall since I was DF'd. The next day she said she'd have to make sure... then the photographer refused but sent my grandmother out to get my baby so she could get a pic of her. I said "no". The photos are up online now and he ended up taking a photo of us from across the room and cropping me out of the photo. I hadnt been to a hall in over a year. I felt like vermon. It hurt so much to see my Mom and my sweet little brother with this family I wasnt introduced to smiling for photos I wasnt good enough to be in.
I don't know what I was thinking but the next day I went to her home to grab some things (she was moving to the state her new husband is from) and I brought my husbands mom and Dad for support. They said had it been any colder in there they would have needed a parka.. It was obvious. She wouldnt even bring my brother around to let me say goodbye. I decided to talk to her about my feelings. Big mistake. She turned it to being all about her and how much I hurt her. It ended with her calling me an apostate and a worshipper of Satan and kicking my daughter and I out on the porch with my box of highschool yearbooks and my cabbage patch dolls I dug out of her trash.
I AM an apostate by their standards. That still feels like the worst possible thing to be called. I hurt so much and I just want to stop feeling this way. I know that I'm a good person, that they are the sick ones, it doesnt make me feel better. I havent been sleeping. grrr it just pisses me off so much. I dont know how to let go of a Mother. I also feel tired of trying to be the better person. I currently do not wish her well and feel like never letting her see her grandaughter. I dont want her to be pulled away from me because grandma convinced her I worship Satan.