My mothers wedding

by finding my way 14 Replies latest jw experiences

  • finding my way
    finding my way

    Dear Jehovah',

    Thanks for letting me vent. It's been quite sometime... I've had a baby and been moving around for months because of my husbands job (14 flights since the baby was born) and now that I have time to breathe, I need you again.

    My Mother and I have been on the rocks for years! Before my DFing. Shes always been manic and selfcentered. She didnt speak to me for most of my pregnancy but then she came around a bit and I was sure to let her know that I have no desire to be reinstated. I didn't want her to be able to pull that card.. It was very take it or leave it. I stayed with her for over a month not to long ago whil my baby was 2 to 3 months old and aside from one small argument about religion it was a fairly good visit. sort of..she used me as a free babysitter for my 6 year old brother and had me doing all her cleaning and laundry while juggling new mommyhood. I love my brother, but it was hard with a newbaby and a 6 year old. She did treat me like a human though. We went to the mall, went to lunches etc. then....

    I moved to meet up with my husband (hes in a school for work) then flew back a few weeks later to go to her wedding. I knew what to expect for the most part. I did it anyway. Trying to be the better person. When her new husband landed in the state she started her act. She began by blatently not introducing me to my new step sisters and trying to snatch up my baby to happily introduce her. I said "no". She told me one day that she was going to get a picture of My grandmother, Her, myself and the baby outside of the hall before the wedding but not in the hall since I was DF'd. The next day she said she'd have to make sure... then the photographer refused but sent my grandmother out to get my baby so she could get a pic of her. I said "no". The photos are up online now and he ended up taking a photo of us from across the room and cropping me out of the photo. I hadnt been to a hall in over a year. I felt like vermon. It hurt so much to see my Mom and my sweet little brother with this family I wasnt introduced to smiling for photos I wasnt good enough to be in.

    I don't know what I was thinking but the next day I went to her home to grab some things (she was moving to the state her new husband is from) and I brought my husbands mom and Dad for support. They said had it been any colder in there they would have needed a parka.. It was obvious. She wouldnt even bring my brother around to let me say goodbye. I decided to talk to her about my feelings. Big mistake. She turned it to being all about her and how much I hurt her. It ended with her calling me an apostate and a worshipper of Satan and kicking my daughter and I out on the porch with my box of highschool yearbooks and my cabbage patch dolls I dug out of her trash.

    I AM an apostate by their standards. That still feels like the worst possible thing to be called. I hurt so much and I just want to stop feeling this way. I know that I'm a good person, that they are the sick ones, it doesnt make me feel better. I havent been sleeping. grrr it just pisses me off so much. I dont know how to let go of a Mother. I also feel tired of trying to be the better person. I currently do not wish her well and feel like never letting her see her grandaughter. I dont want her to be pulled away from me because grandma convinced her I worship Satan.

  • primitivegenius

    i completely understand where your coming from. i have decided that as long as my parents and sister are jws then we have nothing to say to on another and my son will be kept from them. i came over 4500 miles to visit my family and my father knew about the trip for a couple months yet he couldnt be bothered to drive 2 or 3 hours to visit. my mom says he is doing the right thing......... so although she visited that statement got her condemned to be in the same boat with him. its now all or nothing with me.

    jws only want to use you, your better off without them. sucks and it hurts but that is "the truth"

    its always about appearances with them, not about what jesus would have done in a situation. I was forced to endure a witness funeral once since i left and i will NOT ever do anything like it again. there is no rightousness there, no fairness or goodness. its all bout how things look and how they can pretend they are holier than thou.

    best wishes in coming to terms with all this rubbish as it is a long process but i hope for the best for you and your situation. at least you have your husband and his family and they sound like they got your back. i have worldly family that is more than happy to fill my parents place.

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    Being apostate from the Borg is a badge of honor, something to be proud of. Don't let their judgmentalism bother you. Yeah, it is harder when it's your own mom and the helpless feelings are real because there really is nothing you can do to change her. It's sad. It sucks. But you're not alone. Hang in there.

  • finding my way
    finding my way

    Thank you both. I think a few more weeks away from that wedding will ease it quite a bit. Just super mad right now.

  • changeling

    My dear, you were the bigger person attending her wedding knowing it would be difficult. My guess is that your mom prolly did not attend your wedding if you were DF'd at the time.

    You underestimated just how badly things could go, but that's not your fault. Your mom cuddled up to you after the baby was born because, after all, she is human, and wanted to get to know her grandchild...But that was in the privacy of her home...The wedding was a public occassion and she prolly felt the need to show the cong. and her "new" family how theocratic she is by treating you like dirt.

    Love in JW world is conditional and strange. I know how much this hurts you and I feel terribly. Move of with your life and offer your children and husband real love. Build a beautiful family and have a wonderful life. It's your mom's loss.

  • finding my way
    finding my way

    Thank you changeling. You are right. I need to sort of move away from all of that and focus on my family.

    I think I'll avoid any situations like this in the future.

  • Lozhasleft

    Findingmyway - How sad for hurts to read it...if I was you I'd keep my child away from any JWs for safety's sake for both your happy with your own family hun...

    Loz x

  • finding my way
    finding my way

    Loz- I've thought about that. I guess I'm happy my first baby is so young she wont remember. It's not just about being vindictive. It's a serious matter when you know her grandma would feel like its her responsibility to teach her "the truth" which would ultimately result in my own daughter shunning me. It's hitting me that it may never get better. She may actually die of old age still shunning me. I have to accept that.

    Changeling-You are right about my Mother not attending my wedding or coming to pick a dress with me. However she's known my husband since we were in Jr. High and a week before he proposed she said to him "so when are you going to marry my daughter?". When she got engaged she had the nerve to ask me to look online and send her links of dresses that she might like. Thats when I reminded her of how she acted when I was dresss shopping. I asked her if I was even invited to hers and at first she said no, then, yes, then, "I don't want something sad (me) at my wedding", then, "nevermind, sorry, I want you to be there and you're ALLOWED to sit with the family". Shes so crazy.

  • changeling

    I hate to speak poorly about anyone's mother, but from what you've shared yours sounds self centered, manipulative and concerned more with appearences than with doing the right thing. A very dangerous combination a traits. You have my sympathies.

  • finding my way
    finding my way

    being a mother doesn't always mean good person

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