Brief elders visit! Ack!

by NiceDream 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • NiceDream

    Yesterday, my husband and I were having a Dub over for dinner and I went to the door thinking our friend was there. Surprise! 2 elders were there instead and I was scared. They had their Bibles in their hands and were all dressed up, and I realized how scary that could seem to a householder. They were awkward and asked how I was doing and if my hubby was available. I told them he was busy making dinner, and they wanted to know if it wasn't a good time. I said "no," and they looked a bit shocked like they weren't sure what to do. They just repeated that it wasn't a good time, and left KMs. They didn't even say they've missed us at meetings or wondered if we were going to the DC. It was very odd.

    Then our Dub friend who is getting divorced for a second time came over. He was so judgmental about worldly people. He kept talking about the meeting, the new song book, talks, wanting to become an elder, and even said he wouldn't date an "apostate." This guy was inactive for YEARS, and I find it odd that he's all gung-ho and "loves the Truth so much" all of a sudden. He needs to be "spiritual" so he can get a good JW wife despite his bad track record for picking them out.

    I'm not sure how faders can do this! The elder visit was so scary, and it was only a 3 minute conversation. I admire you all for your courage.

  • changeling

    Fading doesn't have to mean hanging out with JW's. You can go to less and less meetings and than sail off into the sunset...

    Sounds like you've already been missing meetings and that both you and your husband are on the same page. It may be time to take a bow and exit stage left... :)

  • cult classic
    cult classic

    I agree with Changeling. I know everyone is different but we just walked out and never went back. You can get sick trying to fade.

  • blondie

    I'll try to remember to post it but the elders have been directed to call and make appointments for "shepherding" calls not just show up and expect you were sitting there waiting with tea and cookies. Good for you saying it was not a convenient time. I might have suggested that they call first if they were concerned about my convenience, btw, my number is in the book..............

  • StoneWall

    Hey NiceDream!

    Since it was two Elders that came to your door, there is only one of two things this can be.

    1.) A shepherding call- trying to "encourage" you back to the meetings.

    2.) An Inquiry- trying to follow up on something that's been said to them and looking to investigate and find out information.

    A good rule of thumb is to always hope for the best but plan for the worst.

    Usually from my experience and in my opinion, if it was a "shepherding visit", they would have at least said at the door when they found out it was a bad time, that they were just wanting to share some scriptures for "encouragement and upbuilding"(or similar wording) and that they have been missing you at the meetings and will call back at a more convenient time.

    You said they didn't mention anything about missing you at meetings or ask if you were going to the D.C. This in and of itself would make me lean more towards the number 2 option above- the Inquiry.

    I say these things not to panic or scare you but just to forewarn. To be forewarned is to be forearmed as the saying goes.

    I've had plenty of both types of visits over the last 3 years (mainly last 9 months). If at anytime during any of these visits, they ask you something like do you feel like the governing body is being used or directed by God, you can safely assume they're trying to find out where your loyalties belong. If it's not to the organization then they are there to find out.

    If you wish to remain a fader for the time being, what has helped me the most is playing their own game against them. You know how the society has in times past said a whole lot of nothing by being vague. Use this same strategy against them. If asked if the governing body is being used by Jah, say something similar to "well I certainly hope so because I've been taught that for years."

    That way you never said yes they are or no they weren't. It leaves them confused and agitated (lol) because if they try to keep pushing the issue I tell them they remind me of the gestapo in the concentration camps trying to force witnesses to sign the paper renouncing Jah. That usually shuts them up. They hate that comparison.

    But whatever you do if you have another impromptu visit I hope you the best results with it. Remember that they can only have the power over you that you alone give them. The good thing about if you do talk to them at home is that you got home field advantage. Use it to your benefit.

    P.S. I would greatly recommend getting a voice recorder and having it hid inconspicuously in your home next time they visit. You can get some decent recorders that are small and good quality at places like Wal-Mart or similar type stores.

  • NiceDream

    Do 2 elders usually go on sheperding calls? I remember almost 10 years ago just one brother would occasionally visit my Dad. But they've probably changed things now? An elder and MS visited my parents unannounced on a Saturday morning and didn't really offer scriptural encouragement, but that may have been because my sister and her worldly husband were there visiting.

    Changling and Cult Classic - I would love to bow out, but my husband still thinks it's "the truth" and his family is still in it. Hopefully he'll wake up soon though so he stops feeling guilty about not being a good enough witness! Our friend only started going back to meetings 2 months ago when he was getting close to having his divorce final. Not to question his motives though...

    Blondie - thank you for mentioning that the elders are supposed to call and make an arrangement for a visit. I thought it was odd to come right at dinner time to chat. We haven't received any phone calls from anyone at the hall about our absence.

    StoneWall - I really hope it wasn't an inquiry. They seemed to want to talk to my husband, so hopefully they were only trying to encourage him. I recently met with a former elder and his wife so I was paranoid someone saw me and reported me.

    They seemed shocked that I said it wasn't really convenient time because I'm a really shy, quiet person. They didn't seem to know what to say from there. One brother kinda gave the other one a look and they just smiled and left.

    It's a good idea to prepare ahead like you mentioned. I will have to remember that line in case they ask me if Jah is using the organization. I wondered that question and asked my husband about it recently before I knew it was a sign of apostacy.

  • gubberningbody

    The psychology of the poorly performing JW's who become gung-ho is just a variant of Stockholm Syndrome.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    Sounds like the elders should be spending more time counselling Br. Duodivorse.

  • cyberjesus
    If you wish to remain a fader for the time being, what has helped me the most is playing their own game against them. You know how the society has in times past said a whole lot of nothing by being vague. Use this same strategy against them. If asked if the governing body is being used by Jah, say something similar to "well I certainly hope so because I've been taught that for years."

    Actually why do you even have to go around in circles? You are not bound by any code of conduct anymore. If they ask you if you believe the governing body is used by Jah, just say: yes of course they are. the whole 8 of them. Praise be Jah!, Dont you? why do you even ask? are you having doubts? or is there new light that I missed? Do you belive the JWs are God organization on earth! You bet ! as anything changed? I believe EVERYTHING THE GB says! everything. I dont care what it is! be it holy wheat or whatever I am.

    Sorry I haven been going to the meetings, you see I have this condition where suddenly !FCUK Mother Fkucr! oops sorry brothers you see suddenly I start.. holly shit! ... i am sorry whenever I am with people I start. Fckw you mother.ooops sorry . I am sorry.. would you like to come inside. CRAP!

  • steve2

    NiceDream, I hope you reach a stage in your life where you actually have nice people visiting you. Your life sounds so constricted right now!

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