The New Jeremiah Book

by zoiks 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • zoiks

    My mother-in-law just got back from her convention and gave us the new releases, this Jeremiah book included. Just a quick scan of it has revealed a few gems.

    First of all, there is a chapter entitled, "You Can Benefit From the New Covenant" (italics theirs). I am not a Christian, but I understand the beef that many will have with this entire chapter. I'm sure a proper analysis will be forthcoming before too long...just not from me

    I always enjoy the photos and illustrations, as they are loaded with details that witnesses will pore over, (myself included, at one time). Examples:

    Page 39: Apparently the Honda Racing Team techs now pump gas for regular cars, too!

    Page 46: You husbands, working late and missing the meeting will cause your wife to stare at your empty seat instead of singing the kingdom melodies!

    Page 57: You sisters, do not be making eye contact with the office douchebag! Instead, let him talk to the hand!

    Page 60: This is a personal favorite: Young women, when the elders try to counsel you on a proper marriage mate, try not to put down your God's Love book and cross your arms and give them attitude, with red streaks in your hair while wearing a choker and a hemp rope bracelet. (It's true, look at the page that the elder is counseling from). Why? BECAUSE.....

    Page 75: You will end up looking longingly and tearfully at a picture of your mom and sister for the brief few hours that your unwanted baby is asleep and your deadbeat, smoking, tattooed, alcoholic, unbelieving husband is passed out on the ratty sofa in your fake-wood-paneled apartment!

    Page 94: You married pioneer couples, don't be looking longingly at other peoples' children as you walk down the street. That fence is there for a reason. Keep slaving away, try not to act creepy, and MAYBE you can have kids in the new system. Maybe. Unless one of you dies first.

    Page 100: Occasionally take time as a family to stop and smell the horses.

    Page 113: You brothers, refer to the illustration on page 46. Apparently, your wife will not sing the kingdom melodies even if you DO show up for the meeting. Instead, she will stare adoringly at you. Just be sure not to allow her fleshly desires, as the weaker vessel, to cause her to hold your hand during the prayer!

    Page 125: Watch out for Asian Danny Haszard!

    All right, I've done as much as I can for the evening...hope you all enjoy a chuckle at my poor attempts at humor.

  • changeling

    LOL! Your post almost makes me want to read the book... :)

  • agonus

    Is this another "Everything in this book of prophecy was fullfilled in 1919 TM when Jehovah's Anointed TM were freed from Babylonish Captivity TM " book?

  • zoiks

    Agonus - no, it appears to be a "be like Jeremiah by making false comparisons, parallels, and analogies while not thinking for yourself" kind of book.

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    I'll be sure to read it some time when I feel my blood pressure is too low and needs a boost.

  • zoiks

    Yeah, Mad Sweeney, I made sure that I had a cold drink within reach. I'm going to go through it again if I have the stomach for it. Or maybe that's a task best left for those with a more masochistic worldview.

  • Room 215
    Room 215

    Even in the case of a book devoted to one Hebrew prophet they're spinning the message in the direction of social engineering, behavior manipulation, not prophetic interpretation; nobody there has the intellectual hardware to pick up where Freddie left off.

  • Strider Arekksu
    Strider Arekksu

    "Is this another "Everything in this book of prophecy was fullfilled in 1919 TM when Jehovah's Anointed TM were freed from Babylonish Captivity TM " book?"

    Pardon my french, but these teachings are a fucking INSULT to the people in captivity the prophecy is actually refering to, let alone the prophets and the Most High's master plan. I bet that Jermiah, Hosea, Micah and the likes would think these guys are retards. This pisses me off to no end.

  • cult classic
    cult classic

    LOL @ Zoiks / MadS - these books are such a waste of our trees!

    Cult Classic

  • cantleave

    Thanks Zoiks - I really needed a laugh tonight and you have succeeded where others have failed.

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