Oh... by all means go to college/tech school/something. Talk to an admissions counselor at a local tech school or college and see what your options are. You do have your HS diploma or GED, right? If not, take whatever steps to get it right away. Don't waste any time! :)
[LONG] Making a plan to leave... I have no friends :'(
OMG Thank you all so much for the advice! You don't know how much this means to me; I got a lump in my throat. I didn't expect so many to, well... frankly, care. I will try putting all the advice to good use for sure.
Because of my depression I haven't been focusing on school as I should (coupled with constant nagging to study something I know is not even real).
This depression has made me not want to do much of anything, and it makes me sound self centered but I wish i could convey how hurt I am at this point in my life- I've even mulled over suicided on occasion (Something I would never do, but nevertheless it's passed through my mind).
As for fading while I'm still home, it will be very difficult, as I have a LOT of eyes on me, so to speak. I'm one of the "exemplary" ones... My parents truly believe in what they teach, and there's no way I could live in this house while fading out. They will employ pretty much everything short physical abuse in making me realize how "wrong" I am in my decision- which is funny, because on one hand they praise me for being smart, but everytime I correct them on something they won't believe me until I literally try to show it to them.
------Boring pseudo-science, skip if you want-----------
For an example, at age 13 I started thinking about how the fact that nobody can "see" God could be explained, scientificall. In the bible it always refers to Jehovah and all other spirit creatures living in the heavenly realm. This was completely seperate from the earthly realm. Applying this to current scienctific theory and you realize that in an attempt to explain how the universe and everything within it came from nothing, scientists believe that a "bubble" from another, unknown dimension transpired into the big bang, which is both the result and cause of our general four dimensions- the three dimensions of space we live in, and the fourth, time. Because time is only a dimension of our universe, it couldn't apply to this "bubble", meaning that it wasn't bound by the laws of time.
Compare this with the bible and what we know about God- Jehovah- and you see that scripture was actually not that far off. It says that he created the earthly "realm", which could be connected to the tirm dimension, as both involve a set amount of something, whether it be space or something else, and which also has boundaries. Jehovah could easily be what science says was this "bubble".
Of course, you don't have to understand, nor believe what I have just said. In fact, I probably didn't even convey the idea exactly the way I want to, possibly making it sound silly or otherwise. But IN MY HEAD, I find it fascinating to make these connections for myself, to prove things. And this was one of them. Nobody cares though.
-------End of boring stuff, lol :p ---------------------
Anyways, I am looking for a stable job, and am saving up all my money for a place, hopefully out of town. In the meantime I'm just going to try and keep my head on, and stick to the plan- be james bond for a little while lol (my favorite character of all time :] ).
I appreciate your help, and hope to look forward to more conversations- possibly friendships :)
Hi, confliction and welcome! Because of your age and circumstances, I think the slow fade is the best option for now. The good news is that you're young, you've got your whole life ahead of you and you don't have a JW spouse and children to deal with. Believe me, theocratic parents are hard but a spouse and children whom you love dearly are harder, simply because it's natural to make a break from your parents (move out, etc.) and not so much from your husband/wife.
So, the slow fade. You can do it, especially if your parents accept that you're depressed. That's a legit reason to skip the occasional meeting, to slow down in fs, etc. One of the most important things to do right now is to prepare for your future. One of the other posters suggested pulling up your grades so as to qualify for a scholarship to college. If you can swing moving away to college, your fade is in the bag. If not, saving $$, as you mentioned already, to move out and preferably away, to a different locale, will make things oh, so much easier. Remember, this is your life. It's the only one you get and you'd damn well better make it exactly the way you want it. That sounded dreadfully selfish, but I didn't mean it that way. Doing things for others, helping make the world a better place, giving $$ to charity, that's all part of happiness. But it's your choice, that's my point.
Keep reading--we've had other posters in very similar age/circumstances. And please keep us informed!
Is it possible for you to work at least part time, so you can speed up your independence with your own car? Also, you may want to check out AmeriCorps. It's a nationwide jobs program that pays a stipend as well as provides financial assistance for education. You would have to find your own housing, but with some research, you may be able to get into a room mate situation. Also, if you stay on this board, you will know about changes in the borg before your parents do, so if you ever fade, you'll be able to keep your finger on the Watchtower's pulse.
There are several ways of making friends. The exjw on line commuity is HUGE with boards like this as well as FaceBook and YouTube.
I'm sending you a private message, AKA a pm. Please click on the little blue envelope at the upper right hand side of the screen. You'll get an error message, so just back up and hit it again. Your pms will come up on the second try.
Gosh..... I get to be the wet blanket.
The WT you referenced and the issue of "May vs Will" was one of hotly discussed WT articles.
Upon examination the article refers not the the book with the 'Will' in it's title but rather a special talk which began being given in 1918 with the 'May' as it's title.....
So while it is true the intent was evoke nostalgia and history....... it wasn't a deliberate misquote
Ex: 1 of 44 references to the talk from the WTCD:
*** je p. 10 Jehovah Gathers and Equips His People for Work ***
Then from 1918 onward the talk “Millions Now Living May Never Die!” was widely presented
Beyond that many good ideas have been given....
Until you become inactive you are now part of the ever growing 'conscious class'......(welcome to my world)
It's okay yknot- you're not a wet blanket lol.
I think what I meant to get across is that they spoke of the talk the entire time, using "May", but then presented the book, which said "will", which made me wonder why at one point they would be so sure and then change their mind.
The only reason I could see them as emphasizing the word "may" would be to play off things like when it was said the resurrection would start in 1925 and such. Remember, I'm just now learning these things lol, so I'm still trying to get my history sanitized from the opinionated viewpoint of the society. Thanks for pointing it out.
Sounds like you know what you're doing, you just need to trust yourself.