[LONG] Making a plan to leave... I have no friends :'(

by confliction 36 Replies latest jw friends

  • St George of England
    St George of England
    The second question I have is how can I, independently, get myself back on the track of higher education AFTER eighteen? (Trying to get in to college with my current status would be like a pizza delivery boy trying to work at nasa...)

    NEVER give up on the idea of higher education. I had to wait until I was married and then with the encouragement of my wife studied part time to get the entry qualifications for university. You are obviously younger than I was so it will be easier. But whatever it takes it's worth it. The financial security in later life is worth all the sacrifices you make now.


  • GromitSK

    Hi Confliction

    On the positive side, as you have reached a point where you want to leave, you have the upper-hand in that you can think through how best to proceed. I understand the downside is that faced with no apparent 'easy' way out and the risk of losing contact with those you love, any decision is not going to be easy.

    The above comments on finding support that you can trust are, IMHO, spot on correct. Developing contacts with one or two who you can trust will help to take some of the pressure off you in the short term, and allow you to run your plans past others. It is wise to consider the worst-case scenario, but not to become fixated on it as the only, or even the likeliest outcome.

    I recall watching a film called Dune some years ago and one phrase has always struck me as perceptive: "Fear is the mind-killer". Too much of it will stop you thinking clearly and the best way to control it is to confront it, in the first instance by talking about your fears with others.

    One other factor is knowledge - information is power. The more you know about the witnesses and the options available, the more certain you will be about your decision, when made. This combination of friendship, support and knowledge will help when and if the painful times you fear come.

    You have one life to live. When you are convinced the WTS have it wrong, and if you can no longer conform to their disciplines the time will come to leave. The process will probably be difficult but you do not need to be alone and I guarantee that it is better to live in the real world.

    One final thought. Be careful in whom you place your trust and confidence. As a friend of mine once said: Love many, trust few and always paddle your own canoe.

    This forum is potentially very useful for you. I wish it had been around when I left (or even better - before I got involved).

    Kind regards


  • cyberjesus

    Welcome! you are not alone, and dont worry about the paranoia, its normal at the beginning of the exit. Get more informed. Read this forum there are more than 9000 topics and many many hours of good counsel and comfort here. also try jwfacts and freeminds and the book Crisis of Conscience and Combating mind Control.

    And Yes JWs are a cult organization that deceived all of us. We are free from it but there are millions who died in slavery and many millions who WILL die inside it.

    Be happy, you are awake!

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Hi Confliction. Welcome to the forum.

    Your parents chose to bring their family up in a religion that shuns its non-believing children. You and your siblings didn't request that. It was thrust upon you by your parents.

    You and your siblings are not guilty of anything of any consequence. When kids leave a cult they ask their parents to shun them, None of them want their parents to shun them.

    If your parents choose to shun their kids, that is their choice. They are not forced to do it by you, or anybody else. Parents should not try to blame their children for what is really their own bad behaviour. They should have to deal with the consequences of their decision.

    There is a third option. Take your parents out with you. This is very difficult. It gets very tricky once you are out of their house and damned near impossible if they get an inkling that you might be 'weak in the faith', so it usually means living as a double agent for a while.



  • new light
    new light

    There is no perfect, painless answer here. Do remember, though, it is YOUR life you are trying to live. You did not ask to be born a JW. I don't know if your parents had much of a choice, either, but the fact is that JWism is a deceptive, destructive cult and you know it. The only honest thing for you to do now that you know is to leave. Any shunning will be from JWs toward you, making them the guilty party. It is sad that your parents will throw away their family life on this junk religion, but thy are the ones living the lie, not you. You are choosing truth, and they are choosing lies. It seems from here that they have a whole family just wanting to be together in an open,, honest environment and they are throwing it away for the false promises of a few twisted minds at a publishing company in Brooklyn, NY. You moving on may be the final straw before they examine their lives. They must wonder why their children are all moving on and not ending up in the gutter. Anyway, welcome to the board, Confliction.

  • designs

    One of the nice surprises is all of the new people that come into your life as you develop your interests. Last night was a great little party at a community center overlooking the ocean, people from all walks of life coming together for an event of mutual interest, it was great.

    Give yourself time to develop new friendships. Enjoy the journey.

  • Think About It
    Think About It

    Confliction..........welcome to the board. Great first post and you sound like a very intelligent young man. The JW religion is not God's organization as we have always been brainwashed with. The JW religion is a man made religion turned doomsday cult. This forum helps people realize that by exposing the WTS and it's doctinal flip flops, scandals, negative fruits, etc.

    Consider enrolling in a local trade school or community college. There are many 2 year programs that can get you placed in a decent paying job with benefits. You can always pursue university later. That could be an idea place to start making friends.

    As far as dealing with the JW situation and your devout parents, do the slow fade thing starting now.

    Think About It

  • JWdaughter

    Work your butt off to make your grades massively impressive. Volunteer somewhere that will give you further points for a scholarship. A job and car is great, but at most colleges you won't need a car. Prioritize if you can to make the most of the rest of your free education.

    In my home state, one can attend college while going to HS and you don't need to pay tuition, just books.

    In Qatar, where I live now(no KH's, btw, and evangelizing is illegal) they offer scholarships through the colleges and Qatar Foundation. If you can get accepted to the college, you can get interest free educational loan, PLUS, if you stay in Qatar and work for 4 years after graduation, you don't have to pay it back at all. Pretty good deal. Check out Qatar Foundation. Nothing like college in another country several time zones away to get you out from under your parents supervision:) Education city has major US universities including TAMU, VCU, Weill Cornell, Carnegie Mellon, Georgetown, and Northwestern(!). Not a exciting uni experience, but if you want an education, you might well be able to get it here, cheap(if you stay on after or get a scholarship.


  • mindmelda

    Your story is a lot like mine. I was "raised in the truth" more or less, since my parents got into it when I was 11, and quickly cut off all other association for my brother and I, even extended family was very much distanced at the time.

    I've reconnected with my "worldly" family since fading years back, but strangely, my Witness parents have also reconnected with worldly siblings now that they're older after all those years of avoidance. Hm...maybe it's an age thing, they're all in their 70s now and thinking a lot about the Grim Reaper coming knocking!

    My parents also know I haven't been active in ages. They also know I have "issues" with WTS teachings and have for some time, but they don't avoid me, although I do live far from them. But, they call every so often. We never discuss "the Truth" nor do they try to Witness to me anymore. We talk about every day normal family things. We sort of have a "don't ask, don't tell" thing going on...I don't tell them about my non Witness-like activities and they never ask or come close to asking.

    I think the biggest problem in finding non Witness friends for people who are DF'd, fading or just inactive is that it's really drilled into you to FEAR "worldly" people.

    I was afraid they were all minions of Satan just waiting to do evil things to me, or get me into evil things, and gee, what a shock to discover many "worldly" people I've met along the way are nicer, more spiritual, more Christlike (even if some of them aren't churchgoers or even religious) and way more interesting that many Witnesses I know or knew. Go figure!

    Of course, there are plenty of jerks and morons and downright nasty wastes of skin in the world, but the Witnesses have their fair share of those too, in case you haven't noticed. Or maybe it was just me that ran into most of them. LOL

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    I like the "move away to college and fade" option. By the end of getting your degree you will probably have decided that you frankly don't care what the Borg does to you. You'll already have established YOUR life. You can tell your parents that you are just too busy to be active but that you stay in touch with the local congregation and what's going on in the organization (by being on JWN you'll know more about what's going on in the Borg than they do). You never have to answer any questions about what you believe; it's nobody's business but you and God (such as he is).

    Good luck. Stick around here. Lots of good support and friendship. Once you get to know everyone, you may even try to find out who/if any of us are "local" to you and can meet you in person.

Share this