Shunning Styles 101. Any I missed? Care to elaborate?

by Open mind 11 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    My oldest brother got baptized at 12 and realized he was 100% gay at 12 1/2. Sucky timing huh? He fought the fine fight of the abstinent until his mid-twenties and then decided he couldn't live like that anymore. Got DFed and 100% shunned by the rest of us 2nd & 3rd gen JW family for about 20 years. Then I woke up to TTATT about 8 years ago. He forgave me for my obedience to the cult and we've at least had the last 8 years to try making up for lost time.

    As our JW parents had various health issues arise over the last few years, it's been interesting seeing how he's been treated when the "Necessary Family Business(tm)" situation occurs. Recently, he sent me an e-mail describing how he was subjected to Shun Style #6 listed below. I was surprised who administered this shun and, I had forgotten that #6 even existed. With no further ado, I give you:

    Shunning Styles, 101

    Trying to be Nice Styles:

    1. Entitled Elder trying to be nice. (Entitled because, as an Elder, he's not necessarily breaking any rules by talking to the DFed person.)

    2. Un-entitled R&F, playing by the rules, but still trying to be nice.

    3. R&F, not playing by the rules for whatever reason, and being nice.

    Not-so-nice styles:

    4. Complete, but not necessarily noticeable, shun. JW happens to notice DF person from a distance and subsequently does whatever it takes to COMPLETELY avoid ANY contact, visual or otherwise.

    5. Dogsh*t-under-my-shoe shun. JW makes a point of making eye contact with DFed person and then abruptly turns away. Most dramatic if a sneer is delivered just prior to the turn-away. (This shun is always delivered with maximum condescension and Holier-Than-Thou self-righteousness.)

    6. "OMG! It's a demon-possessed, DFed Monster! Grab your kids and run!" - shun. This shun is delivered by a true-believing, ultra-obedient cult member. No condescension, just fear.

    If you have any other categories to add, feel free. Or if you'd care to elaborate on any of the categories I've described, have at it.


  • Tempest in a Teacup
    Tempest in a Teacup

    The I-have-99-friends-and-you-ain't-one-of'em style: generally inflicted in k halls or assembly halls or memorial, funerals or some weddings. It consists of going out of your way to show extra love to bros and sisters with the sole intention of accentuating the d'fed person's feeling of being an outcast. Sometimes it is done to show that person 'what s/he is missing' to entice him to 'come back'; but most at times it is done out of sheer malice.

    I have done this on many occasions, for the 2nd reason; mea culpa.

    T in a T

  • JeffT
    I've seen or heard this one a couple of times:

    Ultra-Hypocritical Shun: "I can't talk to you except for important family business and won't, but right now I need to borrow a few dollars."
  • Crazyguy
    I have experienced numbers 4 and 6 and I am not Df'd or DA'd I just learned TTATT and stop going. Such love!!
  • steve2

    Oh, these categories ring bells for me - especially a few years ago when I was better known to the rank and file. Being gay - but not leaving for that reason, honey - I was sometimes subjected to 4, 5 and 7 all within the same occasion. My JW father's funeral service was the worst. I should have joined him in the coffin - at least that would have stemmed the pontificating about Jehovah's "clean" organization from the platform or being in a nailed coffin, I'd not hear any outside noise of outraged self-righteousness.

  • Xanthippe

    5. JW man walked up to me in the street, stood in front of me and stared at me for two minutes without speaking, then walked away.

    5. JW woman walks up to my JW brother at my mother's funeral when we are discussing my dad's care and talks to my brother for five minutes, completely ignoring me. I've known her for forty years.

  • nicolaou

    Nice one Open mind! So glad for you that you got your brother back, your story is so similar to what happened to 'Me and my brother'.

    Always good to share positive experiences here.


  • steve2

    And the award for the most flawless performance during an act of shunning goes to.....

  • Slidin Fast
    Slidin Fast

    The worst for me: elders administering a sneaky pat on the back or a wink as they walked passed my lonely d/f chair at the back of the hall. Hypocrisy! "I will shun you or be party to publicly to shunning you but I'm a nice chap really".

    If you are going to sit in judgement over me and forbid contact with my family at least have the courage of your conviction.

    OM, Give your brother a hug from me.

  • Open mind
    Open mind
    Thanks for all the replies. Thought I'd give a little more input on Shun Style #6 since it's what prompted this thread.

    My Mom recently had some severe medical problems which required me to be by her side for about a week and then, since I have a job/life/family of my own, my DFed brother stepped in to be there for another week or so. She had to be transported to a distant city for treatment/rehab so she's been pretty isolated from her JW contacts. Mom wanted to talk to a "sister" from her home congregation on the phone. My DFed brother made the call for Mom using her cell phone. (She's not very capable to make the call herself just yet.) As soon as the "sister" answered the phone my brother recognized her voice and handed the phone over to Mom. They chatted for a few minutes and then Mom started to fade. She needed to sign off because she was so weak. The "sister" still wanted to know many more details about Mom's condition/prognosis. Mom told her "Hey, I'm feeling very tired, how about if I let my son Lucifer fill you in on the details?"

    JW "sister" went into full blown Shun Style #6. My very tired, extremely medicated, flat-on-her-back Mom had to talk the terrified, obedient, cult member into talking to my DFed brother. She had to tell her that it's OK, it's "Necessary Family Business" (tm). Finally, the terrified cult member relented and talked with my brother for a few minutes.




    Do you have a clue how F**ked up this policy is?


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