What difference does it make if we are born in?
WLG That was the best post on how we born ins feel. Your writing was spot on. I am having the hardest time right now, I was the one who was the really good witnesses kid who rated out the others. It was all I knew. I was raised with being sexually abused and no one in the hall helped me. I felt if I did my best by being a good JW Jehovah would finally help me. I threw myself into the religion pioneered, married an older man who was 17 years older and who was an elder, I got us to bethel even though he was 45 years old which is extremely unheard if. Our marriage was a non marriage with his being gone ALL the time for "elder stuff."
I totally agree with you StAnn where you said "What bothered me so much when I first left was that I knew that I didn't want to be a JW anymore but I didn't know how to be anything else. Not going to meetings is one thing but the WTS is in your brain. It still affects how you act and how you respond to things years later.
I do feel it has left damage to me that can't be fixed. I'm not suicidal but I won't mind when this life is over. It's been a real bitch, thanks to the WTS.
I wish I were dead so many times I do not enjoy life, I just get up and go to work and wish I was dead. Nothing brings joy. The sexual abuse hunts me all the time as do the many questions of why no one stepped in to help me, not only did they not step in but when I was pioneering some elders and their wives told me to take care of my parents.
I do think of suicide at times, I agree with StAnn when this life is over I won't mind as it as been a real bitch.
WLG........that was an awesome post. I especially liked this part, " You learn to answer questions without really answering them."
Think About It
Magnificent post, WLG and Scully too.
That was beautiful.
I'm in a kind of psych/research mode lately so this line stood out to me:
From the first time you say Jehovah and look around proudly at everyone smiling at you, you’re hooked. You know that acceptance comes from giving the right answer, the answer everyone expects.
And the mind control has begun, even at the age of 2 or 3.
I'm totally stealing this and sending it on...
Great post; I understand everything you said as a born-in. One thing that's impossible to navigate as a born-in (and that you mentioned) is friendships. Unless you live the double life, figuring out ways of dealing with kids at school is enough to drive you crazy. Should I accept Billy's invitation to go to a party? What will I tell my parents I'm doing that night if I decide to go? What will I tell Billy if I decide not to go? And so you are honest with no one, you know no one, and you're lonely as hell. And then you have to grow up.
I did not have the same experience because I was 36 when baptized & have no children thank god, even so after 25 yrs as a jw & leaving I feel the tentacles of the wtbs & how they have made inroads into my very being & I can only imagine how terrible that is for the young in their formative years subjected to those tentacles with very little defense. all I can say is that I hope for healing for all of you and a vibrant future and love,success and discovery.
Great thread. I relate to all of you. WLG and Scully I have built a pretty good life after leaving the JWs. But that's when my life began. My life before leaving and for about 10 years afterward was a bitch. It has gotten better.
There is also the confusing situation for children with a non-jw father and a "weak" jw mother. We never knew what was going on, we could celebrate the birthdays of my father's friends because my mother did not want to tick him off, but not her children's birthdays. We could go out on Halloween with my father's friends because she did not want to tick him off, but not celebrate it at school.....hmmmm