Disfellowshipping is an loving arrangment. NOT!!!!

by gma-tired2 11 Replies latest jw experiences

  • gma-tired2

    Alert this is a rant. Recently I lost someone very special to me to death. She was so many things to me, my cousin, best friend, and next door neighbor thru our teens. If I was going to cross the line as a JW teen she and I snuck around together. The life of JW teens trying ti live a little bit normal life.

    now 50 years later we are in our Senior Years and I lose her to death even though we were never to grow old in this system. My two beautiful children bought me a plane ticket and helped me fly to her Memorial to be able to say goodbye. saying goodbye is very hard when you have such a long history.

    The memorial service was held at her Kingdom Hall. My df'd son was the person who made sure I made it to say good-bye. It started out much better than either one of us expected. We planned to sit in back quietly and listen. We were immediately usherd to the front with the rest of the family. We actually felt welcomed. Service over we were not planning to attend the family reception. our plans changed when this older Elder who I've known since my early teens insisted that as familybmy son and I were welcome to attend, which we concented to.

    We are now at the reception where things started going wrong. I was sitting with my JW family and my son was hanging with his non-JW cousins and one JW cousin who is a fringe JW. He was being respectful by not putting any of his old JW friends in a awkward position only speaking to JWs that came to him to speak (this is the congregation who was df'd from). This is when things went wrong. An elder came to my son and asked him to leave because someone complained that my big teddy bear son was making someone uncomfortable by being there. My son agreed to leave but explained that he had to come back inside to get his mother (me). This did embarass this Elder who started to show his embarrasment at that moment and who at that point realized who also needed to ask his own son (long hair, tatoos, and face piercing) to leave.

    I no longer protect JWs organization by staying quiet. A week ago I was approached by a Young JW pioneer while sitting in my car. First thing out of my mouth is that he had just walked up to the wrong car. He got an earful about JWs funerals and loving df arrangement. I explained to him what happened and then asked if he thought my son was going to turn a entire congregation gay by attending his families funeral. Yesterday I was visitin with two kind neighbor friends, I asked if they had ever been kicked out of a funeral of course they hadn't and were shocked that JWs would do such a thing, and we soon were laughing about their actions. Yes disfellowshipping is so loving that this one incident has shown our non JW family why they are glad their mom left 20 years ago, and my neighbors say they are shocked by such actions.

    Sorry this is so long but I want to put this sad incident behind me and continue moving forward in a normal loving life.

  • cappytan

    A DF'd buddy of mine's Aunt was murdered and his family didn't even tell him.

    Disfellowshipping is a human rights violation.

  • JW GoneBad
    JW GoneBad
    Sad you had to go through that gma-tired2. WT's disfellowshipping and shunning policy is without a doubt asinine, stupid & inhumane!
  • Xanthippe
    My heartfelt sorrow at both the loss of your cousin and friend and your son being treated like this at a funeral. So disgusting, those people are heartless, I am so sorry.
  • DesirousOfChange

    Disfellowshipping is a human rights violation.

    Although I doubt this reasoning will ever pierce the Separation of Church & State statute in the US, I hope it starts snowballing everywhere else around the World.


  • Watchtower-Free
  • sparrowdown

    I have heard "worldly" people saying - " they seem so nice at the doors, but you wouldn't believe the way they really are." So I hope more people will speak out about this sort of behavior. Good for you for doing so.

    I can't imagine being asked to leave a funeral reception because your presence makes someone uncomfortable- what is this the 1950s!

  • DesirousOfChange

    I have heard "worldly" people saying - " they seem so nice at the doors, but you wouldn't believe the way they really are." So I hope more people will speak out about this sort of behavior. Good for you for doing so.

    Sparrow, I think you make a good point. Most "worldly" people only know the "good side" of JWs. Most of them are good, sincere people. They would never think of doing something as harsh as completely shunning or cutting off their own child or parent or sibling. BUT, the WTS/GB tells them they MUST do that or lose God's favor (and any position they have in the Cong.) Then they spin-a-yarn about how it helps those sinners to repent and gain their own salvation too, when in reality many or perhaps most who have DA or DF don't really ever want to go back.

    It only takes one successful lawsuit and every lawyer around will be looking to cash in too. But it's likely going to have to happen in the EU. The US Courts & politicians really want to stay clear of rocking the boat on Religion.


  • Finkelstein

    There is nothing basically wrong with distancing oneself from people that are behaving in a destructive disorderly manner. Good advise actually., but the WTS has gone too far as to direct its devout members to break away from people who simply are not willing to be apart of this religion and especially breaking families apart.

    Certainly other mainstream religions do not do this but rather approach the issue of they welcome all to attend their services. There is less judgmentalism expressed by these other religions.

    The more modern approach to change people's behavior is to personally intervene with these ones and make them know how their behavior is hurting themselves and maybe other people because of their behavior, a more proactive approach.

  • dubstepped

    First let me say that I'm so sorry to hear this experience. It is sad that JW's don't let love govern their actions and reactions and instead have become so rule oriented and rigid.

    Second, the title of this thread is something has really been hammered home by the brothers and sisters but that doesn't hold water. It was always explained that it was to help the erring one to return to Jehovah. But if their relationship with Jehovah hangs on blackmailing them into coming back simply to avoid shunning, what relationship is there really? And if this is all supposedly about a relationship between Jehovah and that person, why am I somehow put in the middle of it? Their relationship is between them and Jehovah, not them and me. Not to mention that some just change their mind on what they choose to believe, which is their personal decision. Why do we then have to treat them as less than any other "worldly" person? Doesn't make sense to me.

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