Did You Experience THIS When You Were Awakening From Mind Control?

by mentallyfree31 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • mentallyfree31

    Back in December, when I awakened from the WT mind control - i would wake up for several weeks in the middle of the night thinking "what are you doing? You know the witnesses have the truth". Every day or so these thoughts would return. This lasted 4 to 6 weeks for me probably. When this would hit me really strong - it was pretty powerful emotions..would make me feel quite anxious and nervous. I usually resorted to re-reading large portions of "captives of a concept" by don cameryn and portions of crisis of conscience and that would help me to shake it off.

    Did you experience this also? What other fears/feelings/emotions did you experience? How long did it last? How did you cope?


  • tec

    I was sick. Emotionally and physically. I didn't sleep for days and I cried through the night. But I was never a witness. I did a bible study for two years and believed, but I never joined.


    I ran away from home when I was sixteen. I had a little rented room in a basement shared with three other strangers. I woke up for months, afraid that I was at home. The relief in looking around and remembering that I was not, was immense. So I can imagine that your symptoms are worse. And completely normal.

    (My childhood was not anywhere near as abusive or horrifying than most of the posters here. But I was constantly afraid of my mother's anger. Living without it was such a huge relief - but if I had been a person not afraid of confrontation(or a slap or two), then I would have just stood up to her. My mother and I have a great relationship now. She apologized with tears for the way that she was. I had forgiven her before the apology.)


    Edited to add: Sorry. How did I cope? Time healed. Talking my emotions out helped a lot, especially with people who supported me and understood.

  • mentallyfree31

    I should mention, I am fine now. It was just those first few weeks. It was quite scary at first.


  • Pig

    thats funny, because actually when i saw the light I suddenly woke up and just said "BULL SHIT, it's all just bull shit" then i ran over to the computer and looked at athiest things. it had been playing on my mind for a while and i was struggling to justify all the contradictions and things that just didnt make sense. It's funny that the answer was so simple that it came to me in my sleep

  • WTWizard

    I didn't have this issue. Because, I realized that I would be better off outside whether or not they were the truth, and based my decisions accordingly.

  • StoneWall

    I sure experienced similar things as you describe. But it is very understandable when you consider the reasons why.

    To illustrate: Suppose you took the world's most beautiful girl at a young age and surrounded her with say 100 people

    that was mainly her only contacts or association. Over the years as she grew up all she ever heard from these 100 people was how ugly she is and she should be glad/grateful that they were willing to even"socialize" with her. Every single day she

    would hear the same things, about how ugly she is/was. She heard it from her parents,her peers,her closest contacts.

    As she got older she would look in the mirror and try to understand why she was so ugly.

    Personally she didn't see herself as ugly at first,but the more the days and years wore on the less she could see her true beauty.

    And besides how could all these others be wrong about her? It was constantly reinforced in her mind day in and day out of her "ugliness". Since it's all she knew and ever heard it had to be right or the truth.

    No one was allowed to get near her that didn't hold the same viewpoint. So she believed it about herself.

    Even though she was in truth the most beautiful girl, she was made to feel and believe she was the world's ugliest.

    Now compare that with how I was born and raised. For 40+ years I was constantly told what I was learning was the "truth"

    Even when it made no sense or had to be changed, updated because of "new light" I was constantly told it was truth.

    It had to be truth since it was all I ever knew or heard from infancy on. Plus if my parents,peers,and close contacts always

    told me it was "truth",who was I to question it?

    It was very hard to break 40+ years of mind control. Everyday or at least every week being bombarded with it being the "truth".

    Do you think it would be a simple thing to undo in a few weeks or months, all those years of programming in my mind?

    It would only be natural to either have thoughts,dreams or anxieties to go along with all those years of trying to deprogram.

  • diamondiiz

    After reading Thy Kingdom Come book, I knew this religion was BS and dropped the crap almost on the spot. The annoyance I experience is that I wasted 19 years of my life believing a dream and not I have to come to realize there is no fantasy world waiting for me nor anybody else and that most likely there is no God and if there is one he doesn't care about humans. Aside from that I rather live a real life than live a warped dream.

  • life is to short
    life is to short

    Yes I have experienced this and still do. Just last night I woke up with this dreadful feeling like I could not breath. A huge part of it is because my husband is still in and insisting that this is the "truth" still. I just cannot get away from it. I totally agree with StoneWall it is so hard to undo the years of programming that I have been through especially with a mate still in.

  • jamiebowers

    I had those feelings for years, but going back to the borg was a scarier thought.

  • not a captive
    not a captive

    I knew they wouldn't let me have my own conscience back. I didn't realize that's what I wanted. But it was.

    They wrapped everything up with a scripture so I had to just realize that they would look me square in the eye and tell me black was white. And in the course of a year I became a ghost. I had to realize that God gave us freedom--even to be wrong. But all the Branch or the elders or the C.O. or my friends could say was: Faithful and Discreet Slave.

    I creeped me out!

    I went to a counseling session that my oldest daughter paid for... but I knew it was worse than a counselor could do. I wouldn't answer my phone, didn't go where witnesses might be. No meetings. Then it got better once the Branch answered my letter.

    And it was passive aggressive BS. And , it took a few months, a few more meetings with elders that didn't care about Jesus, Jehovah or me. The FDS. Sick.

    I am happier than I have been in my life.

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