I sure experienced similar things as you describe. But it is very understandable when you consider the reasons why.
To illustrate: Suppose you took the world's most beautiful girl at a young age and surrounded her with say 100 people
that was mainly her only contacts or association. Over the years as she grew up all she ever heard from these 100 people was how ugly she is and she should be glad/grateful that they were willing to even"socialize" with her. Every single day she
would hear the same things, about how ugly she is/was. She heard it from her parents,her peers,her closest contacts.
As she got older she would look in the mirror and try to understand why she was so ugly.
Personally she didn't see herself as ugly at first,but the more the days and years wore on the less she could see her true beauty.
And besides how could all these others be wrong about her? It was constantly reinforced in her mind day in and day out of her "ugliness". Since it's all she knew and ever heard it had to be right or the truth.
No one was allowed to get near her that didn't hold the same viewpoint. So she believed it about herself.
Even though she was in truth the most beautiful girl, she was made to feel and believe she was the world's ugliest.
Now compare that with how I was born and raised. For 40+ years I was constantly told what I was learning was the "truth"
Even when it made no sense or had to be changed, updated because of "new light" I was constantly told it was truth.
It had to be truth since it was all I ever knew or heard from infancy on. Plus if my parents,peers,and close contacts always
told me it was "truth",who was I to question it?
It was very hard to break 40+ years of mind control. Everyday or at least every week being bombarded with it being the "truth".
Do you think it would be a simple thing to undo in a few weeks or months, all those years of programming in my mind?
It would only be natural to either have thoughts,dreams or anxieties to go along with all those years of trying to deprogram.
