Memorial Service at Khall - would you go (even as a DF'd exJW)?

by babygirl30 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • babygirl30

    I ask because a friend of mine (who stays in touch once in awhile) had made it clear to me about 6 mos ago that he didn't care if i was DF'd or not - that he STILL would speak to me and check up on me. Well his parents are both disabled, and his father recently died IN the house! So he sends me a text telling his father passed - and I told him I would call him. 2 days later I call, and we end up talking for awhile about 'friends' (term used loosely) I USED to associate with in his area, his father, etc. So he tells me that the memorial is at his Khall this Sat (6/12) and that he doesn't want me to feel 'awkward' about coming because HE would not act 'off' around me and he would acknowledge me IN FRONT of everyone. He said "I think in this circumstance - your being DF'd should be excluded". Now the dilemma - do I go or not? He's a good friend, and used to be pretty close. He has an older sister who is also DF'd that he keeps in contact with despite, and he is one of the few that kept in touch with me...

    ...on the other hand, this Khall is in the area that I used to chill in ALL the time! This cong has a lot of my old associates (when I was a JW), and this memorial will be full of people that I know - possibly including the family of my abusive ex-fiance (whom I have a PFA against).

    What should I do? Do I suck it up and go to support my friend despite my 'fear' of seeing all these old acquaintances AND the family that basically f*cked up my LIFE - and still call themselves JWs????!!!!

  • Desilusionnee

    Your friend needs your support in this difficult time. You just said he stays in touch with you although you being DF'd and he doesn't shun you. I think you should go.

  • straightshooter

    You described a very awkward situation. Only you can determine if your friendship can overshadow the family and acquaintances that caused you much hardache. Also you would know if such a friend would be hurt beyond repair by your absence to the memorial.

    If it was me, I would not go because I would hope my friendship would continue inspite of not being at the memorial and I hate confrontations with those that have hurt me.

  • Olin Moyles Ghost
    Olin Moyles Ghost

    If it were me, I would go to the service to support your friend. You will cringe throughout the sales pitch / memorial talk, but that's not why you're there (and, to be frank, that's not why anybody's there).

    You may be surprised about how various JWs treat you. I've observed that some JWs use funerals as an "excuse" to treat DF'd people like human beings. Now, most times this has been in the context of DF'd family members of the deceased, but sometimes this applies to others too.

  • VoidEater

    If you are clear on the reasons you're going, for your friend, sure - especially if you don't care if others snub you.

    Your friend may come into grief because of it, though.

  • snowbird

    I would not go - too many painful memories.

    Your friend will surely understand.


  • Gayle

    Would you be sitting with this friend? I wouldn't want you to have to sit alone. But it is a good time to support a true friend. I went recently to a JW memorial service. My friend had been DF'd, not me, I had never been in that particular JW group though either. Both her and I talked with several of her relatives, not her 'elder' relatives tho, at the Hall, friendly, but in reality superficial. Except her JW granddaughter was genuinely loving to her and I am hopeful for that teenage girl. Your experience is a bit different so would be more difficult.

  • Think About It
    Think About It

    For me this is a tough one. If you were good friends with the deceased, then yes. If it was at a funeral home, then yes. IMO being on "home turf" at the KH will only make the JW's more self-righteous, which could cause you some shunning reactions you may not want to be around. It's good to show support to your friend, but he probably would understand if you didn't go. If you decide to go, hold your head high, show confidence and speak to those you like to show that their rules no longer apply to you.

    Think About It

  • stillin

    cut out the bullshit. support your friend

  • nelly136

    i really appreciate your offer and i know that you will always be my friend, but as the dust is settling in my absence i would just like to keep it that way especially as i have a PFA against whoever. (my presence could be construed as provocation to that party?)

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