How do you not care

by LoriJis 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  AudeSapere

  you wrote: who doesnt wanna give in; who wants her way to be noticed and could give 2 shits about anyone else

  Since your husband went to request the quarters, I don't think your prime issue here is about you giving in and submitting yourself to your husband. Sounds more like you are trying to control your husband. I have to believe that your husband did indeed notice *your* way and so he chose to exert his right to *his* way.

  Isn't your husband allowed to have an independent thought and reach out to his mother if he wants to? Even if it is just to get change of a dollar bill.

  -Aude.
• 

  Lady Lee

  LoriJis

  You said:

  being the type of person - which ive been all my life - who is like that; who doesnt wanna give in; who wants her way to be noticed and could give 2 shits about anyone else but also doesnt want them to get over on her or her husband

  You want life to be fair. And you want some justice. There is nothing wrong with that at all. Unfortunately you are dealing with people who believe they are right and everyone else is bad, wrong and worthy of dying.

  That last bit you said though is the clincher:

  doesnt want them to get over on her or her husband

  In the end you are giving them exactly what they want. They see YOU as the problem and as long as you allow this to get under your skin they are winning.

  Holding your head up and walking with dignity is not losing or giving in. THAT is the winning hand and in the end that is the hand that will win for you and your husband.

  I do agree YOU shouldn't ask her for anything. Let him do it. But don't hide like some huge injustice has been done to you. Even though it has always walk with dignity and grace.
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  Finally-Free

  I spent most of my life being the "bigger person" and letting everything slide. The result was that I got no respect and was walked on over and over. Eventually it got to me, and now I'm at the other extreme, where I don't take any crap. It isn't working out so well either. I'd like to find a happy medium.

  W
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  sd-7

  Hi LoriJis--check your PMs. Do keep in touch!

  Funny how we face similar kinds of issues, sort of. My wife (you and half the people here know all about the storm THAT has often been) felt I had ego issues for not wanting to do laundry at my parents' house after that whole family intervention fiasco just before the DF'ing. I didn't feel I should just let it go, either--seems like we have that in common. What changed? Well, for one, my mom was cool enough to not (in general) make me feel like crap every time I saw her. That was a big help.

  But I'll echo what's been said here--these folks don't fully understand what they're being subjected to. Their mindset is something hard to comprehend, and of course it's infuriating! I'm there every other day or every other week! One thing I've come to appreciate is, the choice to walk away from the religion brings with it these kinds of problems. Granted, I walked because of conscience, and my take is, if I treat them like crap in return, I'm no different than they are. It's the classic Superman/Lex Luthor dilemma. Sure, you COULD be mad as shell with them and raise all kinds of shell over it. But that gives them the high ground.

  This is your husband's family; he has the right to make his own decisions on this, even if those decisions seem like a capitulation to family that isn't high on your list of people. I think there has to be some honor in the choices we make, hard as it may be. Honor in the face of their shunning and shaming and judging. Not because of being Christian, per se, but just because of wanting to show them their actions are unnecessary, counterproductive, immature. And maybe...someday they'll see...wrong.

  I can't say you're wrong for being mad. You probably have a right to be. But it may not be worth it, you know? If it was worth it to get frustrated over their nonsense, you'd still be in the organization, eating their crap by the bowlful. Anger like that...sometimes you just have to walk away, back off...go cool off somewhere for awhile and come back with a fresh perspective. Focus on something and someone else, distract yourself for awhile. It's tough. It is. No easy ways through it.

  I hope things turn out well for you, though. Stay in touch, ok?

  -sd-7
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  jamiebowers

  When you realize that your state of upset at your husband's family IS allowing them to get over on you, you'll change your behavior. As long as you and your husband have each other, his cultist relatives have nothing but their ignorance.