I think manners are useful, as much for their civilising effect as for the heads-up effect when one doesn't use manners.
Given the fact that many men in the Borg use the headship doctrine to be assholes, it is completely understandable that many men and women carry residual problems as a result.
Not only might someone behave like they were still a Dub (a man expecting a woman to show submission, a woman not confronting a man) BUT, importantly, a person may identify a pattern of behaviour in someone else that makes them feel like they are acting like they are still in the Borg, when in fact they may not be doing this, or might be unaware they are doing this.
As far as the gay community goes, I actually find that the classic breeder preconceptions of a obviously 'male' and obviously 'female' partner in a gay relationship are largely unfounded. Maybe this is a difference between 'scene' homosexuals and 'non-scene' homosexuals, although obviously there are different 'scenes' within the gay community. Maybe it's the gay couples I know; unless owning a pick-up makes a girl butch I couldn't say without asking (and am not that interested to ask).
So what might be often true in (for example), the BDSM gay community (where you're obviously gonna have Doms and subs, whatever their sex), for more 'mainstream' gays (and hets) is not always the case.
People living in glass paradigms shouldn't throw stones...