Make her reflect on how gracious and thoughtful people can be even when they aren't "serving Jehovah."
tms
What to write in my niece's (JW) wedding card
by voodoo lady 16 Replies latest jw friends
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asilentone
I think I would follow St Ann's suggestion!
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changeling
Tell her you love her and wish her all the best. To "anti-witness" at this time would be rude and would probably not be appreciated.
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Quandry
I know it is tempting, but please resist the urge.
What you said here sounds nice... I would still like to celebrate her love
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SixofNine
Donny's Discount Gutter Champ!
stapled right in their wedding card. Who's laughing now
Me, since this place can be goddamn humorless when you're not around.
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White Dove
I would reassure her of your love and that you will be there for her no matter what whenever she needs you for love and comfort (never open yourself up for loaning money. They take and take). That will set the stage for when this marriage goes down the crapper. She will go to you, for sure!
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voodoo lady
Thank you guys, all good points there.
What I mean by "militant" is that she's extremely strict when it comes to obeying the fine print of this religion. She seeks out council, goes to the elders for guidance, and is one of the over-zealous types.
Her wedding is a JW-only affair, as most are, I guess, though as a little girl attending JW weddings I do recall that other non-JW relatives would occasionally be invited (and they tended to stand out from the crowd and be the talk of the event). Her father (my brother) is devastated at not being invited because he's an "apostate." However, this has been his status since before she was born and is no big revelation. They had a beautiful relationship until her mid-teens when both sets of granparents started preaching to her, and from then on she's wanted little to do with him. She actually called him to tell him he wasn't invited because of his "choice to turn away from god."
I think I'm probably projecting the hurt that he feels into this, although it's hard not to. You're right changeling - giving the anti-witness would be rude, and though I would never actually write the "men in Brooklyn" comment on a wedding card, it's such a great fantasy! (I even love thinking about writing it on non-JW wedding cards for fun; they'd think I'm insane! But it would only confuse them). I'd just love to write something about them caring for each other and being accountable to each other only. My mother is too unwell to attend but I know she'll write "there are three strands in a marriage..."
That business card analogy was right-on, Johnny. It's their wedding, and she must truly be excited and hopeful, I know that. It's no place for anything else. In fact, giving the anti-witness would be as bad as their giving tracts at funerals. I've felt the hurt myself when pointed comments appeared on cards after my father's death, and when my mother got sick. I'd hate to be that insensitive.
Anyway, I actually expect that she might not read my card or accept my gift because of her vigilence in keeping away from worldly people. If I were to try to explain that to anyone else, I'm sure they'd say "of course she'll read your card" and be flummoxed as to why she wouldn't. But I know everyone here understands the frustration and hurt feelings that this type of rift can cause in a family.
Yes, Parrot, I think you're right and this might be the big occasion! (But how maddeningly exciting and terrifying it must be to be a virgin on your wedding night). I cringe at the thought that somewhere down the track she may go to the elders, or "a mature sister" to ask what she can and can't do in the bedroom! (I hope that would be taking it too far, even for her). But their attempted intrusion into people's private moments is sickening, especially when they have someone behaving so complicit.
StAnn, TMS, Quandry and White Dove, all lovely sentiments. I do want her to know that I'll be there for her, should there ever come a point in time when she wants me to be.
For her card, I like: "To love someone is one of the greatest art forms" and I also think Heaven's comment is beautiful. Thank you everyone!