For those of us lucky enough to have shed our rose-colored glasses, but still want to maintain relationwhipes with family and friends still entangled in the Borg's web, a pragmatic approach, akin to, but less radical than "fading": just slip out to the periphery, treat the KH as one would a church, i. e. show up once in a while, make the occasional comment (ideally without compromising your real convictions and, better yet, worded as to provoke a bit of thought without raising eyebrows); being politely but non-commital, and, after a few "so longs," go home after the closing prayer.
For JWs Who Now 'Smell The Coffee:' A Survival Mechanism
by Room 215 21 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
cult classic
I know some who have done that. Usually they're considered weak witnesses. I couldn't do it. Some days I wish I could. I miss my "friends". But right now I can't stomach anything WT related.
-
leavingwt
Watchtower refers to this survival mechanism as, "living a double life".
-
Mad Sweeney
Watchtower is right. It IS living a double life. It is both allowing your cult-personality to exist AND giving your genuine personality a measure of freedom the Borg really doesn't like or condone.
I was trying to do it but couldn't. The cult-personality was gangrenous so I just cut it off.
-
gubberningbody
You could do that if you weren't the brother and sister who were regular pioneers for 15 years and weren't an elder or a servant.
People would have to have a context where that would be believable.
You'd have to create a judicial circumstance or invent an illness (that won't work long) .
This is why Ray Franz couldn't get away.
If you're sworn in as a yakuza, you have to lose a finger to get out.
-
mindmelda
I did that for years and never really felt "out" until I quit going entirely. But, it's a step in the right direction. The less contact with the poo poo, the less it's in your head.
But I remember at the end sitting there and mentally arguing against nearly everything the speaker or the Watchtower was saying. The whole meeting became a mental debate for me, with me sitting there wishing I could jump up and say out loud everything I was saying in my head.
It did help me realize that the elders are not geniuses nor are they even very good scholars, not most of them...not at all. It was no great tribute to me that I could constantly find holes in their reasoning or "facts" once I removed the taboo from my mind that we must never go against the Society, i.e. anything in the Watchtower or what was said by the elders.
Gee, just saying that "Never go against the Society" which is an actual catchphrase our presiding overseer used over and over again, sounds like something directly out of an Orwellian dystopia, doesn't it?
-
Terry
I'm pretty sure I've never known a JW who wasn't living a double-life.
You can't stay sane and not compartmentalize some oxygen and freedom sometime/someplace/somewhere safe.
Admitting to it is tuff. It requires some kind of honesty not usually available to a delusional person.
If you say it out loud you start to question the stuff lurking in the shadows just outside of your thinking.
That's where the beasties lurk.
-
Tea drinker
I tried this for a few weeks after learning the truth about "the truth." It just churned my stomach. Eventually just being in the Kingdom Hall itself caused me to feel nauseous and lightheaded. Listening to the cult-speak was like trying to find my way around some freakish hall of mirrors. I ended up quitting more or less cold-turkey despite efforts at a fade.
Being an outspoken person, I realised that continuing to attend could lead to more dire consequences. I wanted my family relationships to remain intact and so I just walked away and hoped that nobody would try to corner me with any loyalty questions.
Anybody who manages to implement the above tactic has to have a high tolerance for allowing garbage to just wash over them. I do not and would have ended up arguing with someone over one of the Watch Tower's ridiculous, patched up doctrines. And using sound Biblical or scientific reasonings would only have made me more dangerous in their eyes.
The "periphery approach" would require a cast iron stomach in my view and anyone who could pull it off would have my astounded admiration.
-
leavingwt
None of my extended family were JWs, so this made it much easier for me to DA myself and start a new life. Had I been a 3rd generation JW with no "worldly" friends and family, I might be living a double life now. It's hard to say.
I also think that each person's personality, self-confidence and independent nature plays a large role in what choices he makes. For some, making bold moves in life is no big deal. Perhaps they went to Gilead, like AllTimeJeff, placing everything on the line. So, for Jeff, leaving WT was a big move, but he had made big moves, before. For the person born into WT and "coasting" along, living a reasonably comfortable life, the thought of leaving and being ostracized by everyone they've ever known is huge, devastating beyond comprehension.
Each person must definitely do what is best for him. There is no right or wrong way to exit, IMHO.
Just knowing that it's "not the truth" is a huge mental relief, even if you must play along and lead a double life. The fear and guilt routine used to control the masses doesn't have the same impact on you. You can view the whole thing as a game or survival, in which you have the upper hand.
-
ldrnomo
Tried going to a meeting once, after the blinders were lifted. It was too painful I couldn't do it again. My tongue would have scares all over it if I had to go to those things.
LD