How Did You Move on to Relationships with non-JWs? (page 2)

yknot

I was more curious what other people's experiences were

....gotcha....

Scoot over.....

sherah

Lots of good advice in this thread, here is my single female perspective.

It hasn't been a problem for me but then again i've only been on casual dates with non-dubs. Religion doesn't come up mostly and when it does i explain that i was bought up in a very religious household. If appropiate, i may share some aspect of my JW background but it's definately not THE topic of discussion on a date.

As for holidays...i go with the flow. Holidays don't bother me so i don't stress out about them. Decide what your current position is on holidays, your level of comfort. Are you comfortable celebrating some holidays and not others? Focusing on the non-religous aspects of the holiday helps (using non-holiday related cards, wrapping paper etc). Give if it feels right, don't feel pressured or obligated.

I'm a paralegal without a degree or certification; how i got in this field is a story for another day. But I always felt inadequate of my lack of education. No one ever judged me (at least to my face), it was my own thoughts and feelings about it. So i've gone back to school for my own peace of mind. I think that if you are a happy, adjusted and self-sufficient person, most people wouldn't not care about your level of education.

5thGeneration

I love my non-judgemental 'worldly' friends.

I can be real and say and do anything (well, not everything) I want.

So refreshing after a lifetime of being on guard.

dgp

Daring, do you realize that most of us won't even understand how it was that you were supposed not to have much to do with us?

Kristina1972

I find this to be a fascinating topic as well, being on the other end of the situation. My DH of 6 years did not even mention he was raised in the KH (although never baptized) until 3 months into our relationship. We were at a public pool and I made a crack about JW's and he get's this weird look on his face and says "did you know that was the religion I was raised in?"

Alot of things started to make sense to me after I learned that piece of information. His utter terror at seeing commercials for movies with ghosts or demons, criticism of Christmas, his nerves and how he lets his JW mother thinks she has some control in his life.

Even though he doesn't attend meetings with her, except for the occasional obligatory "Memorial" he still believes everything he learned growing up.

I am curious to know from anyone who has left the religion and is with a non-JW partner:

What did your spouse or partner do if anything that was helpful to making the transition?

It makes me physically ill sometimes to see the mental turmoil my DH has been through his 43 years of life because of his upbringing.

Coffee House Girl

I am eight months in a relationship with a non-JW, he is a Christian- we have open honest discussions about religion, JW life, and holidays. He is a good listener and lets me talk about it when I am ready. He did not push me to celebrate Christmas this year, and I chose not to participate this time. He did not put up a tree in his appartment, but he did put lights in the windows, and at my request he did not get me a christmas gift. He is letting me decide what I want to do without pressure from him (he says I have been through enough pressure from the borg, and I need to start deciding things for myself).

I also loved Ynot's comments about good old uncle Fred and the oral speech - it is so true outside of the borg. My BF has also been patient with me in that area to express myself when I am ready, and boy I am ready and enjoying every bit of it!

I also am going to college at 30, getting a new broadened view of the world (not the JW definition of "world"). It is never too late to go back-

daringhart13

Great feedback....thanks to all.

dgp.......you TOTALLY lost me.......can you explain?

Coffegirl,

Good for you. That you have not only found a nice man that is patient, but on going back to school and enjoying some hot sex :)

Like Kristina, I'm fascinated by what adjustments some may have had to make.....all feedback appreciated.....

EmptyInside

Well, I'm new at finding relationships outside the org. too. And I really have to be comfortable with someone to really open up about my background. And my situation is more complicated in that I am still active. But, I do have a very close relationship with a non-Witness man and at first I was very nervous about telling him I was a Witness. I thought he would dump me right away. But, it was really refreshing to find someone so nonjudgmental. Of course, I don't think he understands what's all involved. I let him know a little at a time. And explaining to him how the organization works, I realize to myself how crazy it all sounds.

mrsjones5

How did I move on to relationships with non-jws? Easily, it was more normal than being in the bOrg. Holidays? Love them. I'm looking forward to Mother's Day and my birthday at the beginning of nexd month.

LostnFound

I consider myself pretty lucky...

I met my now-husband while I was still going to meetings. I felt really comfortable around him which suprised me. (I was pretty nervous to date or 'look for a guy', because I was young and my only experience had been dating an elders son- and that pretty much sucked). We started talking daily, religion came up quite a bit- however, since I met him when I was still an active JW he knew my basic beliefs. (He actually googled it, and found a lot of fault- but he never cut me down, he was really patient even when I got all preachy). We took things pretty slow... but I was constantly paranoid I would run in to someone from the hall, or 'get caught'. He was really patient. I look back now, and see how crazy I was looking at others around me and worrying.

Eventually it got serious enough for us to move in together. I wasn't scared because it felt right. As for holidays, his parents divorced when he was a tot, and he spent so many years moving around he never spent the holidays with his parents or family- so it was a non issue. An issue that came up for me personally, was dealing with the jealousy of his past relationships. I really thought people met like one or two people and that was it... (I know pathetic, but the that's what I was taught!) But even that was something that I was able to get over, it took a while but it happened. His mom had an issue with me having not done any post secondary schooling (she has a masters), because she thought it was totally weird and like I wasn't living up to my potential. It hasn't ever bothered me though. We also have money set aside in case I ever want to go back. She asks me about it often. He doesn't care about it. The first time I met his mom, she drilled me about blood transfusions for like 10 minutes, and I was trapped in her car with no way of escaping. She was involved with another cult-religion for 14 years, so now we have good chats about it- but it was pretty awkward at first. I think his family was more afraid of me converting him, then he was. When it got awkward with my parents (after I left) he was really there for me and did everything he could to try and make things better between us all. It worked!

He was very open last year when I said I wanted to go back to meetings, he even drove me to my Judicial meeting (the elders wanted to see if God would approve of me coming back, and ask me juicy questions about my 'relationship/s' pre-marriage) and waited. He drove me to all the meetings, and never told me it was stupid. After a couple months of going again I realized it wasn't something I wanted to do at all (in my heart I felt completely done), and he was really good about that too. I consider myself very lucky to have met someone so open-minded, patient, and respectful. Religion was a big thing between us, but now we are on the same page- and it feels good and right.

My time with him has been the happiest of all my life!

How Did You Move on to Relationships with non-JWs?

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