Making Jehovah's Witnesses a lot more interesting Religion

by Terry 20 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Terry
    Terry

    1. Wednesdays: Funny Hat Day

    2. Plural Wives allowed

    3. Hugh Hefner style silk robes for elders

    4. Judicial Committee meetings end with pubic stoning

    5. Regional theme parks: Watchtowerland

    6. Declare every third Sunday: "clothing optional"!

    7. New publication: "Judge Rutherford's dirty jokes"

    8. Bingo after Watchtower study

    9.Potluck suppers (with real pot!)

    10. Add "slaying in the spirit" during book study!

    11. Invite John Tesh to Conventions

    12. "WE WERE ONLY KIDDING!" special April fool's edition of Watchtower

    13. Sexy Sisters lingerie foldout in the Kingdom Ministry

    14. Smoke Breaks for the "weak ones".

    15.Poker night!

    16. Pin the tail on the Elder

    17.Grow a beard contest (no mustaches allowed) a.k.a. Pastor Russell look-alike-contest

    18. Banner above the platform reads: the Spirit of Jehovah has been with us in narrowing the frequency of error.

  • Terry
    Terry

    19. Underwear "skidmark" inspection committees established

    20. Husbands and Wives must wear Unisex matching outfits to District Conventions

    21.Mohawks for Elders!

    22. Kingdom Songbook lyrics set to Beatles tunes

    23. Memorial emblems replaced with vanilla wafers and bloody Mary's

    24. Anointed must attend Friday night seances!

    Come on now, EVERYBODY PLAY!!

  • bohm
    bohm

    25. Da Judges new light drinking game: All members drink whenever a changed doctrine is discussed.
    26. The longer you have been in the truth, the more distinct should you pronounce 'jehovah'. Members of the GB should at least manage a 'jeeeehoobaahlobadobah'.

  • Cagefighter
    Cagefighter

    Amnesty spring break holidays for all bethelites and pioneers once a year in Ft. Lauderdale.. LOL

    Bethelites gone wild now on DVD!!!

  • Cagefighter
    Cagefighter

    Ministerial Servants versus Elders tag team wrestling matches.

  • blondie
    blondie

    I'm still not going back!

  • THE GLADIATOR
    THE GLADIATOR

    * Naffest suit competition

    *Brothers shortest haircut maturity competition

    *Most becoming head covering for sisters competition

    *Best underlined watchtower study competition

    In general a normal Sunday in the kingdom hall.

  • cult classic
    cult classic

    Instead of assigning groups for field circus, car groups are arranged to gather and distribute food and clothing to the needy.

  • Terry
    Terry

    *Best underlined watchtower study competition

    That one could really work! (Maybe the Society could print "special editions" with underlining ALREADY IN PLACE!)

  • ziddina
    ziddina

    Alllll - right, if you're gonna have #2 in there, I wanna rule that says: Sisters following the Amazonian lifestyle may have more than one husband, as long as they keep said brothers whipped into line... Six-inch heels, leather outfits and cat-o-nine-tails mandatory...

    And #4? "4. Judicial Committee meetings end with pubic stoning..."

    I GOTTA see that!!!

    Zid

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit