You also discussed a line in the sand. I guess mine would be that IF he does fully go back, he should not expect me to change my life and way of doing things to adapt to his. I WILL not. There will be holidays, birthdays, politics, Harry Potter, extracurricular activities and worldly friends, even if he chooses not to participate. There will not be headship and full family attendance at conventions, assemblies and meetings. And no, I'm not sure our relationship could survive it, which is heartwrenching and very scary, but he is the one that wants the drastic change. And again, it doesn't make me mad at him, just incredibly sad and angry at an organization that would willingly and knowingly take advantage of kind, trusting and innocent people.
That's exactly the reason I made this thread. So many situations just like this popping up here for the last few weeks. So many good people trapped into an enigma relationship with a JW person who has morphed into something they cannot understand.
And, like I put in the title - these are tough questions.
I sure hope you make this reasonable stand clear to him once and for all, before you get married, and for sure before he fully goes back.